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I'm too young to offer any advice of sort in this kind of serious situation but stay strong syntheticgerbil, I'm Sung Kwon on Skype or Gaizokubanou on Steam if you want to vent or whatever you need.

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Syn, it's nothing I've been through, but I agree with Mike, all the people I know who got divorced eventually ended up in a much better and happier place, even if it took awhile to get there.  Feel free to PM me here or on Slack if you need to talk about anything. 

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I think I fractured my tibia after I drank a lot. I slipped and thought nothing of it, but then noticed blood pooling in my, now red, shoe.

 

I didn't hurt at the time...but now it's been hurting constantly all day, and when I put weight on it, it REALLY hurts. Guess I've got to go to A&E tomorrow. 

 

Syntheticgerbil: I'm sorry to hear that. I can't offer any advice, but I hope everything works out. 

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Definitely go to A&E. Do not go to a GP, because they'll just refer you to radiology and then you may or may not get transferred to A&E if they actually find something, but no matter what it becomes a bureaucratic mess.

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I think I fractured my tibia after I drank a lot. I slipped and thought nothing of it, but then noticed blood pooling in my, now red, shoe.

Jesus Christ, I hope this all gets fixed. I can't believe it didn't hurt at the time, even if you were drinking.

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Griddlelol,

Jo, if you need any information on Germany(bureaucracy, etc.. ) just hit me up via PM.

 

Also, get well soon!

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I went to A&E and it's not broken! It does hurt a lot though. Apparently the tibia is almost impossible to break, and if I had, I wouldn't have been able to limp around. So that's a good thing! 

 

Quak0r: if I think of anything, I will ask, thanks.

The only thing I'm worried about right now is finding somewhere to live. I don't want to live alone, I want to house share, but hopefully with professionals or postgrad students. Unfortunately all the websites are in German, so I have no idea what I'm looking at. I'm also a bit unsure on how much I'll be earning after tax. What sort of income taxes do Germans pay?

 

I've also started using duolinguo, it's alright. 

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using websites directly through google translate like the website for calculating the net income may be a bit awkward but is generally seems to work.  for example https://translate.google.de/translate?hl=de&sl=de&tl=en&u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nettolohn.de%2F

 

If you are comfortable talking about housing or income data with a complete stranger I could go over the website for housing stuff via a screen sharing application like https://www.mikogo.com/ (i use that one at work)

There have been a couple of pretty bullshit posts on apartment search services the last time I looked so my wife and I may help you filter BS from real stuff.

 

BTW: for context I live in Wuerzburg Bavaria (lower Frankonia).

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I don't actually know my income as of yet. I know the area - it's pretty standard across my profession. I think I end up getting paid slightly more by moving to Germany, despite the poor exchange rate. 

 

So I'm going to be living in Ulm. I actually have an undergrad student working with me at the moment who's from Germany. So I might get her to give me a hand sometime next year. I've got a few months left, so it's not a big rush.

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I've lived in Ulm (as an exchange and M.Sc. student) for a year and a half! it's a lovely place. Let me know if you need any city-specific info, I'll be glad to be of any help.

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I've lived in Ulm (as an exchange and M.Sc. student) for a year and a half! it's a lovely place. Let me know if you need any city-specific info, I'll be glad to be of any help.

 

Oh cool! What were you studying there? It's an incredibly picturesque city, I woke up to a snow covered cathedral on the day of my interview. 

 

I hope there's fun stuff to do in the city. 

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It was back in a previous life when I was an engineer, so I did most of the Communications Technology M.Sc. at Uni Ulm before dropping out. The student population is quite big (with Uni Ulm, Hochschule Ulm and Hochschule Neu-Ulm around), so there's plenty of bars, restaurants and parties around if that's your kind of thing. It's also pretty close to Stuttgart and Munich in case you feel like going to a bigger city and/or flying somewhere else. The Alps and the Black Forest are pretty close by as well.

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Thanks everyone.

 

I've never been divorced, but I did go through a legal separation to a domestic partner (sort of like divorce, just as same sex marriage was in the process of being legalized in CA). What I can tell you about couples therapy is to be as honest as humanly possible while still being thoughtful of your partner's feelings. The therapist/counselor will be able to give you the best advice (which may well not be to stay together) if you are both honest.

 

My heart goes out to you - please stay strong and try to take care of yourself.

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Thanks Danielle for the advice and kind words. I haven't started yet but I'm gonna do my best to be honest (mostly with myself) and prepared.

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The first project that I've had a large role in goes live on January 4th! I am excited and nervous. It's a change in software across the institution to try to ensure that transgender patients are never called by the wrong name, and that people use the correct pronouns when talking to them. It was a trial getting the obnoxious software we have to chart in to give us this capability, and it's still not a solved problem (you have to actually enter the chart to see the workaround we used to display preferred name and pronouns, so if you just use the quick-look feature for something like scheduling there's still no notice -- and so, there's still some margin of error, but at least it's been minimized to mostly interactions over the phone), but we're going to continue working on it.

 

But I got an e-mail this morning that hospital leadership was happy with the results of our pilot program, so it's being implemented everywhere. Yay!

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That's awesome!  :tup:

 

 

That's sounds really awesome in so many ways.  I'm also a bit surprised something like that would be so difficult.  Either way, kudos to you!

 

 

I can't speak for Lansbury's software in particular of course, but it tends to be the case that if poor assumptions are made in a low-level part of a software as it's developed, it will spread to every part and it'll be really hard to fix those assumptions later without tearing everything down.

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Yeah, when the assumption is made that you are either male or female, and whatever your birth certificate says will be accurate for your entire life, that is reflected in the capabilities you build in your software. Overcoming that has been challenging, but once it's robust and fully tested we hope to sell the solution back to the people who distribute the software so it can implemented on a much broader basis until they come up with an in-house solution to the problem themselves.

 

Please note that I don't have any idea what exactly is involved in the technical implementation since I'm just one of those obnoxious people who looks at impacts and opportunities for growth, then helps to manage the projects to grow into those opportunities.

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Ya, our team was going to encode the sex of a patient as either male of female. I had to have a talk with them. Then i got to explain gender. They seem to be catching on though!

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Hey guys, so my wife is divorcing me as of today. It's not really a sudden thing and I understand. We've been holding on for like 11 or so years now trying to make stuff work, to make it better, and we can never just get along when we fight which kind of mars all the good times. I don't want to dwell too much on it or I'll feel really sad.

 

But if there's any Thumbs out there who ever want to IM me sometime in AIM, slack, skype or whatever, about divorce if you've been through it or just help me get through this, it'd mean a lot to me. This is probably going to be the hardest moment in my life and it's compounded by money problems, no job, finishing school, etc. I probably can't talk much right now, I'm trying as hard as I can to finish my final final project for this semester, and I think I'm going to drive home to Houston this weekend to be with my family because I'm scared of being alone right now but if there's any time, I'd appreciate a friend.

 

Thanks everyone.

 

Hey man, keep your head up, sending positive vibes your way!

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Thank you. So far things are going better between my wife and I and we can't even start counseling until mid January with who we chose. :/ She's still on major guard but we also played some Never Alone and saw Bad Santa in the theatre the other day so I'm trying to just do things we love together in the mean time.

 

I've done a lot of thinking this past week about my faults and my "inner demons" and read some books and articles and I have been having long talks with her about what I or we can do better. I think there's a lot of this I can possibly figure out by myself on how to be better for my wife but also just not negative and pessimistic about my whole life and thinking I'm an utter failure which contributes to a lot of bad vibes. I also don't want to think about divorce still being a possible thing still right now so that could be part of it.

 

I guess I am now realizing there's a big part of me that feels the default and safe way in life is to be pessimistic and humble, to think the worst of yourself and your situation to better be prepared. That to not think like this is to be arrogant and lack any humility which is bad. Also I have such a superstitious nature about counting the chickens before they hatch, etc. And I'm thinking even though I have encountered a shitload of failure in the last three years, there's no point on focusing on that. I am starting to understand it's not really "safe" to be pessimistic and it can be just as delusional as being blindly optimistic.

 

I have to find that balance, I have to stop kicking myself when I'm down. I can't even accept praise anymore. My classmates at school are now telling me when I present my projects during critiques I'm pointing out negative things I messed up before even starting even though they don't see them and think my work is great. If they ask me how I did something cool in whatever program or animation I just start off with how I screwed it up. I don't know how I got like this but I kind of fucking hate it now. I don't have to constantly admit my shortcomings to people. I guess I feel like I've become such a burden on my family and friends and wife that I feel like I need to apologize to existing in some way to everyone. This has got to change even just for me.

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Well done for taking a look at yourself and addressing these issues. Don't beat yourself up for beating yourself up!

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That takes a lot of balls to think and try and address things like that. I agree with Ben, give yourself a break.

 

 

I have to find that balance, I have to stop kicking myself when I'm down. I can't even accept praise anymore. My classmates at school are now telling me when I present my projects during critiques I'm pointing out negative things I messed up before even starting even though they don't see them and think my work is great. If they ask me how I did something cool in whatever program or animation I just start off with how I screwed it up.

 

I can really relate to this. Whenever I present my work to people, I always point out the problems before anyone asks. It makes no sense, I've even argued with someone at a conference as to why my work isn't perfect, and therefore not good enough, despite them telling me it was great and I need to publish it. 

It's a silly thing to do, but looking at what you do critically is important, you just have to learn to keep it to yourself, let other people decide if care about mistakes or weaknesses. 

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Being actively positive, but not quite delusional, is a lot of work.  But it is totally worth it - will have a noticeable change in your quality of life. Finding these faults exist and wanting to change is a major start.  Having peers that will help gently point out the negativity also helps

 

I am highly susceptible to negative and toxic attitudes and nearly lost a job with the prime culprit for attitude.  But fortunately the owner of the company talked to me about approaching and dealing with adversity, etc. and hit home - also helped I was also 21 and he was a 15yr sober who had turned his life around (coke and drinking).  I still have bad days or weeks, but lows are far less and have seen better project rebounds and success without getting down on the BS

 

Unfortunately now i have two members in my department that are toxic that generally feed each other.  One woman is a "woe is me" attitude, the other guy feels entitled (and has had a major string of bad luck last 2yrs).  dont want to let either go, but really does drag the whole office down; these two are not as open to change as you are.

 

 

I wish the best to your new found reflection, drop me a line here or anywhere if want to chat - universally found at "undermind9"

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