Jump to content
gdf

Life

Recommended Posts

Yeah, I know. But trying to sugar-coat it for her isn't going to help anything. You only have a certain amount of time left, you need to be direct. It may actually make for a happier ending.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I tried my foolproof method of talking about Israel/Palestine to burn a bridge tonight. I think this is the first time I've convinced someone their thinking on the subject was wrong, so now I just have a French ex who's rethinking his attitude towards people from the middle east and south Asia on my hands.

It is difficult to like someone a lot and know that they can't commit to you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I called her and told her, and feel like an absolute sack of shit. I don't think she was exactly happy about it on the other end, either. Fuck. I hope you guys are right; I hope I made the right decision.

 

edit: I want to cry and rewind time. I want to go to italy with her, I want to spend as much time with her as I can. Fuck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry, man. Really, I mean it but listen here:

You did fuck all wrong. She's was the one that was unstable and continually moving all over the place and making YOU second guess yourself/feel like shit. Take it from me--experience--there's nothing on the other side but pain.

What did you was incredibly hard, but it was needed and yeah it's going to fucking hurt; you'll get over it, learn and gain insight.

All you can do right now distract yourself and focus on you, homie. After a while I recommend writing a little journal on this, and I also recommend you write it in third-person: it gives you an outside perspective on the situation if you see your name written down/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I called her and told her, and feel like an absolute sack of shit. I don't think she was exactly happy about it on the other end, either. Fuck. I hope you guys are right; I hope I made the right decision.

edit: I want to cry and rewind time. I want to go to italy with her, I want to spend as much time with her as I can. Fuck.

It hurts, I know. You really are a solid dude though for having the strength to realize the situation and make the right call though. Very few people would have had the guts or the introspection to be able to do that and would have instead just kept plowing forward and gambled on everything just somehow working out. Totally awesome that you were able to do such a difficult thing in the face of strong and confusing emotions.

And just take some time to feel shitty about it. Better to confront and process those feelings now so you can come to terms with them and let them run their course. As shitty as you feel though, don't second guess your decision. It was the right one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

See, the thing is: I know you're all right. I have enough of a messed-up mind to be able to detach from myself and look critically at situations. I just keep wildly oscillating between feeling like I've done the right thing, not believing what I've done, and horribly hating myself!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

See, the thing is: I know you're all right. I have enough of a messed-up mind to be able to detach from myself and look critically at situations. I just keep wildly oscillating between feeling like I've done the right thing, not believing what I've done, and horribly hating myself!

 

Yep, that sounds about right.

 

:[

 

 

Life, man. I think you made the right decision, too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Life, man. I think you made the right decision, too.

 

Life? Don't talk to me about life.

 

 

 

(Pretty sure that's a retread of the first comment I ever made in this thread, because I was trying to be super witty. Now it's just apt.)

 

 

EDIT: Sorry for taking over this thread. This has been eating me up for the last while and I need a place to vent.

 

EDIT AGAIN: She has now deleted me from social media. I feel empty.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I started work today! For the first time ever I'm being paid a full-time wage, and I get to identify bugs that I don't have to then personally fix. So all in all I'm satisfied!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Besides the four courses I've taught over the years, the real job-relevant stuff on my CV are the two academic databases that I've helped to build, four years as the head of a research center's executive board, two years doing exhibitions in our library's special collections, and seven conferences with me as lead technology and volunteer coordinator. Most of that stuff is buried in unofficial duties associated with the assistantships that I held, though, and that's frustrating, almost as much as the complete lack of formal credentials to reflect my technical skills (I've built computers for myself and a half-dozen of my friends; I do tech support for everyone I know, including my incredibly successful friend who's a programmer; etc).

 

My fiancée had a similar set up when she get her offer, and she believed it invaluable! I think she had 2 published articles. Some of that stuff like database building, and she was the tech support person for a year for her department she spun into being part of her public history work, and her new department wants to build that program. All I'm saying is that this can be good stuff that future departments value! She taught a supplemental course on her research database. I also know how BRUTAL the market is. It's so much a matter of fit. She also hired a resume consultant, which she felt helped a LOT crafting some parts of the CV and the interview prep. Also, having the degree in hand matters a lot.  

 

edit: she also took a mercenary approach to job preparation, volunteering for things, like helping organize/run a search from her tech spot. getting on some kind of grad student governing body. which amounted to party throwing, but everything was designed to check some kind of box. She regards her advisor's other students as one of the most brilliant women she's ever met, but believes those little things (particularly publications/conference panel organizing) added up better than some raw scholarship.  

 

edit 2: she also applied for every tenure track position that she felt she could make a case for, excluding non-city Alaska, and one in central Missouri that was 3 hours from the nearest whole foods. 

 

Also, as you mentioned those skills are tremendously useful to collections/libraries, and I'm sure you know a lot of people in the field especially professors are super deficient in those areas. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I applied for a PhD position at my uni a few weeks ago, but I was in the awkward position of being signed up for an exam given by the head of the group that I was applying to join. In a rather difficult course too. Oh and it was the same week I had to hand in my master's thesis, great timing eh! Got the results back, and it turns out I did really well, I can't remember being this relieved for quite some time. I don't know that it affects my chances much, but doing poorly certainly would've and I'm glad I won't have to be haunted by that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My first couple of informational interviews last week went well, but the vast majority of people with whom I've met and spoken this week have been extremely critical of my reasons for looking at other career paths. My father, my former boss at the library, and several other people have all agreed:

  • A Ph.D is worth any expenditure of time and money, even if it takes a decade and puts me tens of thousands in debt. Giving it anything less than my full attention will result in failure that I will regret forever. I've only got one shot at this Ph.D and taking a break isn't an option. Having a Ph.D opens up a vast array of otherwise inaccessible careers, even outside academia. These past six years will be an empty void on my resume and in my life if I don't have a Ph.D to show for them.
  • There are no truly fulfilling careers outside of academia, at least for me. If I still find the topic of my dissertation compelling at all, then it is definitely my life's calling. It is infinitely better to work with scholarship, having media and technology as a hobby, than to work with media and technology, having scholarship as a hobby. Except for teaching, the jobs for which I'm most suited don't really exist, at least not anymore. Maybe, if culture bloggers got paid better...
  • Any choice in life made on the basis of money or income is a choice that shouldn't even be entertained. Admitting the desire for a salary, some stability, or the ability to afford a visit to the dentist is embarrassing. I should be content to depend on my parents and my girlfriend to support me for as long as my Ph.D takes and just pray that I never encounter a hardship severe enough that they don't feel like helping me to pay for it. My car is totally never going to break down.

Note, particularly, that all of these people telling me these things have a comfortable income and no Ph.D to speak of. I understand my father, who's done manual labor all his life because of a few poor decisions early on and is perennially concerned that I'll do the same, but everyone else is just bumming me out. I hate that so many people want to talk about my career prospects in terms of a "calling," because I've never felt a calling for anything in my life. I've done stuff because it was interesting and paid the bills, then stopped doing it because it stopped being interesting or stopped paying the bills. Historical research and teaching have held me for longer than most, because I'm good at them and find them endlessly entertaining, but it's becoming clear what a poor basis they are for a career, at least over the long term, for someone like me who doesn't want to spend all his time worrying about money.

 

Meanwhile, I'm not even quitting my Ph.D! I've literally just expressed an interest in careers outside academia, maybe in preference to finishing my doctorate, and everyone's already coming out of the woodwork to tell me what a failure I'll be if I do that. People and their opinions... :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Woo I've finally got something aspirational, grown up, and actually Life feeling to post here. 

My partner and I have just applied for two positions within NZ's education payroll system. They're fixed term full time which feels great for me after only having some seasonal farm labour and film industry contracts under my belt (not that great for selling a consistent work history). The first position is being part of the first line service desk calling up schools and helping them send in their payroll details which is definitely better than most other call centre jobs because it'll be involved with people that actually want to be called and is following a script that both parties want the outcomes of. Sadly there are only 6 positions on hand with 30 applicants. The next position is actually being a payroll officer which isn't something I've dealt with before. But I have a few things going for me; first there are 15 positions available, second there hasn't been a great deal of demand for the job, third I'm hoping that a background in project management, science research, and data entry will cross skill me enough to handle that type of job, fourth Mum works at the company in payroll so I can ask her for advice (she was approached for people she knew to apply so there won't be issues).

 

Anyway I'm super keen. It's high pressure office work but I'm hoping it'll be the kind of crucible to establish my work history beyond the patch-work quilt it currently is plus well, money. I haven't had a supporting income for an entire year and I've had to hide that from the relatives so actually having savings and some sanity restoring spending money would be really nice. On the plus side being completely broke has done wonders in teaching me to save what I have.

I'm not sure if I'll get the position but it starts in October and from the sound of it these people don't bugger around so I'll probably hear in a few weeks :D

 

Even if I don't get this it's been a real help since it's broken down some of the job hunting anxiety for me while also been wonders in making my CV actually competent so either way this emotional high is a win.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Had the second dumbest fall on my bike today. Some undergrad tapped my back wheel with his car while he was coming to a stop. I managed to gracefully fall into the grass on the side of the road, which hadn't been mowed in a while but still left grass stains on my shirt. Very exciting way to spend my relaxing afternoon bike ride to the park.

The most embarrassing fall I ever had on my bike was when I was commuting to work at 6am, stopped at a red light, and just fell. Just... didn't do anything to stay upright, and fell right the fuck over. Embarrassing.

Now I have an excuse to lie in bed all evening though, so I'm very excited about the rest of my night.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My most embarrassing fall was when I was trying to be cool and answer my phone while slowly cycling down an empty street. Someone came around the corner and I had to slam on my breaks, of course since my phone was in my hand I only had access to my front break, sending me over the top of my bike.

 

I'm dumb for doing something obviously dumb.

 

Being a cyclist is the only time I've ever considered carrying a weapon around with me. The abuse I've gotten from people for simply delaying them by a few seconds is astounding. I've even had one car chase me and try to ram me off the road because I told the driver to fuck off after he honked his horn at me for doing nothing. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't actually fall but I fucked up switching my bike seat, I left it too loose. It tilted backwards and I landed on it on my stomach. In front of the american embassy. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Being a cyclist is the only time I've ever considered carrying a weapon around with me. The abuse I've gotten from people for simply delaying them by a few seconds is astounding. I've even had one car chase me and try to ram me off the road because I told the driver to fuck off after he honked his horn at me for doing nothing. 

 

Yeah, I don't know if it's a UK thing in particular, but there's an awful lot of vitriol towards cyclists and I don't know why. Maybe it ties into the whole "I own the road" mentality a lot of car users tend to have. I say this as someone who drives and doesn't cycle btw, so I've never been on the receiving end of any abuse. I've definitely heard others express their hate of cyclists, but whenever I ask why there's never a satisfying answer that doesn't amount to the "The road is for cars" sentiment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I don't know if it's a UK thing in particular, but there's an awful lot of vitriol towards cyclists and I don't know why. Maybe it ties into the whole "I own the road" mentality a lot of car users tend to have. I say this as someone who drives and doesn't cycle btw, so I've never been on the receiving end of any abuse. I've definitely heard others express their hate of cyclists, but whenever I ask why there's never a satisfying answer that doesn't amount to the "The road is for cars" sentiment.

 

I think a lot of people still assume they're paying "road tax" rather than vehicle tax, so they assume they have precedent. At least that's what I hear from some people.

I'd guess that a lot of it comes from feeling anonymous and safe in a car, similar to how people act on the internet. They assume there's going to be no repercussions because they're safe in their motorised box, so lose inhibitions on rage and irrational hatred. I know I get far more angry while I'm driving than any other time. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's a lot of biking in the Seattle area, and there are definitely bikers who are polite and ones who aren't. The crux of it comes down to a couple of rules. Bikes are to be treated like any other vehicle, thus if they are on the road it is illegal to pass them in any location that it would be illegal to pass a car (IE, most city streets.) Then there are various forms of slow vehicle laws that require a vehicle to pull off to the side if its slowing a certain number of cars, or bikes specifically to get on the far right of a lane unless the lane is too narrow to allow safe side-by-side travel of a bike and a motor vehicle. So some bikes just sit in the middle of the lane and don't let people pass (which is their right) but don't pull off to the side once five cars have stacked up. 

 

I don't drive much, and there are starting to be a decent number of bike lanes around here, but when I do come across a bike in my lane I'm the poor sap who just tails along behind it at 10 mph until I can find a turn-off or the bike gets out of the way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bikes are to be treated like any other vehicle, thus if they are on the road it is illegal to pass them in any location that it would be illegal to pass a car (IE, most city streets.)

 

Is that true? I thought you just had to give a 3ft safety margin when passing. This may be something that varies state to state.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is that true? I thought you just had to give a 3ft safety margin when passing. This may be something that varies state to state.

 

It certainly is different by state. Washington state laws are vague (what a surprise.)

 

RCW 46.61.755

Traffic laws apply to persons riding bicycles.

(1) Every person riding a bicycle upon a roadway shall be granted all of the rights and shall be subject to all of the duties applicable to the driver of a vehicle by this chapter, except as to special regulations in RCW 46.61.750 through 46.61.780 and except as to those provisions of this chapter which by their nature can have no application.

 

RCW 46.61.770

Riding on roadways and bicycle paths.

(1) Every person operating a bicycle upon a roadway at a rate of speed less than the normal flow of traffic at the particular time and place shall ride as near to the right side of the right through lane as is safe except as may be appropriate while preparing to make or while making turning movements, or while overtaking and passing another bicycle or vehicle proceeding in the same direction.

 

There's a lot of references on non-government sites of the three foot rule, but all I can find officially are these:

 

RCW 46.61.110

Overtaking on the left.

The following rules shall govern the overtaking and passing of vehicles proceeding in the same direction, subject to those limitations, exceptions and special rules hereinafter stated:

     (1) The driver of a vehicle overtaking other traffic proceeding in the same direction shall pass to the left thereof at a safe distance and shall not again drive to the right side of the roadway until safely clear of the overtaken traffic.

     (2) The driver of a vehicle approaching a pedestrian or bicycle that is on the roadway or on the right-hand shoulder or bicycle lane of the roadway shall pass to the left at a safe distance to clearly avoid coming into contact with the pedestrian or bicyclist, and shall not again drive to the right side of the roadway until safely clear of the overtaken pedestrian or bicyclist.

 

RCW 46.61.120

Limitations on overtaking on the left.

No vehicle shall be driven to the left side of the center of the roadway in overtaking and passing other traffic proceeding in the same direction unless authorized by the provisions of RCW 46.61.100 through 46.61.160 and 46.61.212 and unless such left side is clearly visible and is free of oncoming traffic for a sufficient distance ahead to permit such overtaking and passing to be completely made without interfering with the operation of any traffic approaching from the opposite direction or any traffic overtaken. In every event the overtaking vehicle must return to an authorized lane of travel as soon as practicable and in the event the passing movement involves the use of a lane authorized for vehicles approaching from the opposite direction, before coming within two hundred feet of any approaching traffic.

 

But then that conflicts with the whole, no passing over double yellow lines thing, so I dunno.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Atlanta, riding your bike on the sidewalk was a great way to get fined a couple hundo. In my little Detroit suburb, you're supposed to ride your bike on the sidewalk sometimes -- they've been made wide enough for it and there is no bike lane (or in winter, when snow lives in bike lanes). I got a stern talking to about safety from a cop once, and he basically said that if I didn't feel safe on a stretch of road and there was a sidewalk, I should absolutely move to the sidewalk.

Laws are weird and I don't get them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×