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*hugs Mangela*

 

 

I'm posting here just to say that I'll be in Chicago on Saturday because BitBash is happening. Just a heads up for all the Chicago Thumbs.

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I'm posting here just to say that I'll be in Chicago on Saturday because BitBash is happening. Just a heads up for all the Chicago Thumbs.

 

Oh that looks rad.  I had never heard of this event previously, unfortunately I've out of town guests this weekend and a baby shower I need to be in attendance for.

 

 

Hope you have a great time and thanks for the heads up about neat stuff happening near by!

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Apartment hunting is the most torturous experience I've had to go through and I'm now doing it for the 4th time in 2 years (not strictly for myself but just as awful as if it was).

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Ugh, I know the feeling, I'm looking for one myself. It doesn't help that university terms are about to start so there are students everywhere snapping up all the cheap central flats.

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My girlfriend is one such student in a university that's actually out of the way from the centre itself, but is luckily able to find families that can offer their spare room for just over half a grand a month (no weekends).

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I got pretty lucky with apartment hunting. My university owns a complex that is a little walk away from the main campus itself, which is perfect for me since I'd hate to deal with all the noise that living on campus might entail. I'm gonna super enjoy looking for a new place to live when I graduate.

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I feel you there... my wife and I were looking to move but once you start looking at apartments you remember why you have been staying at the place you currently are!  It's really hard, and when we finally found a place that we thought we might take, by the time we called it had been taken.

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Feeling a weird disconnect with people lately. The only person I really talk to about anything I actually care about is my girlfriend. No one else seems to care about anything I have to say, so I just say stuff I don't mean in order to extend conversations about things I don't even want to talk about. I don't know if I'm starting to drift away from my current friends or if I am just completely forgetting how to interact with humans. I am often reminded of this comic:

 

ADTWO10.png

 

I just want people to realize that I'm an actual person with thoughts about things even if I rarely make it apparent. I feel like I just have this explosion of emotions and fears and everythings that I just want to unleash at someone but I don't know how to let myself. All it seems like anyone wants to hear from me is how excited I am to leave and how awesome and cool everything is. I'm really not a relentlessly positive person but I accidentally made people think I am and it's hard to break that. I still feel like I'm just trying to hide the fact that I feel depressed most of the time because I'm worried people will think I'm taking life for granted. It really sucks that everyone just hides everything from everyone else. 

 

And I leave for Japan in 3 days. Oh jeez. I know this is a huge cool opportunity but it's also going to be quite difficult. I hope that living in a dorm with people will be better for me than living with my parents 30 minutes away from anyone I know. 

 

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Feeling a weird disconnect with people lately. The only person I really talk to about anything I actually care about is my girlfriend. No one else seems to care about anything I have to say, so I just say stuff I don't mean in order to extend conversations about things I don't even want to talk about. I don't know if I'm starting to drift away from my current friends or if I am just completely forgetting how to interact with humans. I am often reminded of this comic:

ADTWO10.png

I just want people to realize that I'm an actual person with thoughts about things even if I rarely make it apparent. I feel like I just have this explosion of emotions and fears and everythings that I just want to unleash at someone but I don't know how to let myself. All it seems like anyone wants to hear from me is how excited I am to leave and how awesome and cool everything is. I'm really not a relentlessly positive person but I accidentally made people think I am and it's hard to break that. I still feel like I'm just trying to hide the fact that I feel depressed most of the time because I'm worried people will think I'm taking life for granted. It really sucks that everyone just hides everything from everyone else.

And I leave for Japan in 3 days. Oh jeez. I know this is a huge cool opportunity but it's also going to be quite difficult. I hope that living in a dorm with people will be better for me than living with my parents 30 minutes away from anyone I know.

Oh, that sounds really hard and definitely something I struggle with when something bad/sad happens - how do I talk to people about this? I never really know.

I have patches of anxiety about whether I'm being interesting/charismatic enough all the time, I find the best strategy is just try to be a good listener, go into conversations trying to be interested in other people, until you feel comfortable talking again.

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Found a kitten crying under an SUV yesterday on my way to work yesterday. Little baby that was scared to come out. She was up in the tech-works of the thing. ( I don't know cars)

 

A woman in my apartment complex had been trying to coax the kitten out for a few hours. I donated some wet-food fish to the effort and gave my contact info once I saw how tiny the kitten was.

 

About three hours later I got a text that the kitten had been secured. After I got back from work, I took custody of the little thing. Got her into a vet today. 5 weeks old, mild Upper respiratory infection, some eye infection. She's too young to get a lot of other tests done, so I have to keep her separate from my adult cats for a while.

 

I really didn't ever want more than 2 cats at a time, but I'm probably going to fall in love with this stupid-cute little thing. If my other cats will have her, I'll probably keep her and just accept that I'm a crazy cat man at 31.

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That's such a cute story. My cousin just got a kitten and seeing her was the first time I had interacted with a kitten in real life. It was one of the greatest things I've done. Kittens are just amazing. 

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Feeling a weird disconnect with people lately. The only person I really talk to about anything I actually care about is my girlfriend. No one else seems to care about anything I have to say, so I just say stuff I don't mean in order to extend conversations about things I don't even want to talk about. I don't know if I'm starting to drift away from my current friends or if I am just completely forgetting how to interact with humans. I am often reminded of this comic:

 

ADTWO10.png

 

I just want people to realize that I'm an actual person with thoughts about things even if I rarely make it apparent. I feel like I just have this explosion of emotions and fears and everythings that I just want to unleash at someone but I don't know how to let myself. All it seems like anyone wants to hear from me is how excited I am to leave and how awesome and cool everything is. I'm really not a relentlessly positive person but I accidentally made people think I am and it's hard to break that. I still feel like I'm just trying to hide the fact that I feel depressed most of the time because I'm worried people will think I'm taking life for granted. It really sucks that everyone just hides everything from everyone else. 

 

And I leave for Japan in 3 days. Oh jeez. I know this is a huge cool opportunity but it's also going to be quite difficult. I hope that living in a dorm with people will be better for me than living with my parents 30 minutes away from anyone I know. 

I feel ya. I'm in that headspace right now and it's always hard. There's no relieve and you just have to find coping mechanisms.

 

Hosking gives great advice

 I find the best strategy is just try to be a good listener, go into conversations trying to be interested in other people, until you feel comfortable talking again.

Be a great active listener. When I mean active: look and read the person's facial and body language when you're listening. And if possible, be physical--if allowed, read the situation--when need be. From there, you can engage with the conversation.

If you can't, you can extend the conversation or move into something different by honing in on certain things that might light a person up, that way you can lessen how much you talk. That's why you have to be active and pick up on the subtleties of the human voice and body.

 

Two: Get a therapist. It most definitely helps and allows you to open up about your fears and depression; it's a wonderful release.

 

For the most part, you will be hiding your depression from people because people really don't want to hear it and want nothing to do with it. So, you're going to have to find other venues to release what's inside. 

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I'm teaching for the first time in two years today. It feels weird. I'm super excited for the class (Introduction to Pop Culture Studies!) but freaked out about the larger number of students and the fact that I made the syllabus up myself. I've taught enough in the past to know intellectually that I'm perfectly good at it, but being out of practice is getting to me. It's the first year of grad school imposter syndrome all over again. Blerg.

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Listen, if it all goes wrong, just set up a situation where you get to jump a shark. Anyone who then complains that your quality has gone downhill gets a D for not paying attention.

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I'm going on a date tomorrow night! This is probably a pretty big milestone in my life, technically; I was in some relationships in and after college but meeting people as a student is very different; I've never been on a date set up through online dating, and the last time I went on a date with a stranger at all was seven or eight years ago, in high school, and even that happened no more than twice.

I'm pretty excited but also fairly nervous; I feel I basically don't know anything about how to go on a date, how to flirt, what the etiquette is, if I should flirt, etc. I'm not a totally shy person but I'm typically very reserved with people I don't know well.

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I'm going on my third date with the same person this weekend! After four -five? - different people who just stopped responding to my texts without any explanation whatsoever.

Yay dates!

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Apartment hunting is the most torturous experience I've had to go through and I'm now doing it for the 4th time in 2 years (not strictly for myself but just as awful as if it was).

 

I feel this. So, so hard.

 

I'm going to admit that I lurk in this thread constantly, and I really love it. And I never post in here, but since it seems like a comfy, safe kinda place, I'll go ahead!

 

This move - from SF to NYC - has been painful. Really painful. I don't want to leave San Francisco, for a hundred reasons (and I'm making a little tiny game about how much I love it here and am heartbroken over the move), but more than anything, because San Francisco is the only place I've ever felt fully at home since I was a little kid. It feels right to be here. Not many people ever get to have that.

 

I love a lot of things here that NO ONE likes, like the hills (best hill running of my life). I love the wacky, friendly people everywhere. I like the sense of queer history, and of course I love the weather. It's melodramatic, but there are ways in which I've been mourning my life here, and feeling like this is some kind of break-up in a relationship. 

 

I'm doing my best to carry on and put on a brave face, but I think maybe the 10,000 or so tweets about how expensive it is here and how sad I am have *probably* belied my true feelings. 

 

Anyway, moving sucks. To everyone else going through this minor hell, I salute you.

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Danielle, why are you moving if you don't want to? Forgive me if that sounds insensitive!

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It really sucked to hear about you move Danielle! As expensive and difficult a long distance move in Ireland is, I know it's worse over there. I hope there's something positive in all the mess for you at least once the dust settles.

(we did find a place that we deemed actually quite nice all things considered. Wish it was just a lil cheaper though. It ain't easy to pay two rents when only one of us works)

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Start your own ITEast podcast Danielle!

 

Also, i'm guessing the answer to pabosher's question is "boring grown up reason". Boo grown up reasons, boo.

 

I'm now coeliac. After a close to crying wobbler on Tuesday night after getting my book of things i can eat (Coeliac Ireland publishes a book of all certified gluten free foods and it is at my own risk to eat off-diet so i won't be) I'm actually doing pretty ok with it. My kitchen is restocked, my pots, pans and utensils have been retired and replaced with cheap ones until i can afford nicer ones. I have two vast batches of soup made for freezer lunches the next few weeks and since i have my book i can start cooking properly again. My first big test will be this weekend when I got to Dublin with my brother and his wife this weekend. I am about to become annoying guy in restaurant who has to make his specialized diet explicitly clear to everyone involved. Woo.

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Christ, I've wanted to post in this thread for a while about this, but I never know the right words. Boring relationships stuff ahoy:

 

So I met this girl a few months ago on Tinder. Before we met, she said that she was still settling into London and didn't want a relationship, but was looking for friends. That was fine; I'd just broken up with someone and wanted good company.

 

Turns out we hit it off real easy. Our first 'date' was a five-hour coffee that was never devoid of conversation. It was great. We then continued to hang out and go places - the theatre, for drinks, to museums etc. - and one day she floats the idea of us sleeping together by me. Then she sobers up and says that that would mean getting too emotionally attached as, here's the kicker, she's leaving back to Australia in September. I already knew this fact, but felt we could have a summer love and keep it as a nice memory. She disagreed. Okay, so far so good. Then she invites me to go to Italy with her, still as friends, and I accept. We book the tickets.

 

What you don't know yet, because I've not mentioned him yet, is the guy she left behind in Aus. At first it seemed like they were 'on a break' - she had a one-night stand when she got here, an experience she didn't enjoy, but felt fine doing - but as the time for her to go back gets closer, she pulls further and further away from me.

 

Fast forward a little bit, past the time her friend is here and she acts like my girlfriend over the course of the night, kissing me, holding me etc. to a couple weeks ago, when I'm in Edinburgh and I get a late night call from her. She and Aus guy have def broken up, and she's sad and lonely and wishing I was there. Okay, the present distance sucks but I feel wanted, which is a nice feeling I guess.

 

She comes to visit me in Edinburgh, for three nights. On the first, she asks me whether I want her to be my girlfriend for the duration of Edinburgh, and then we not go to Italy as it would be too complicated, or just be friends for both. I decide I want to see her for as long as possible before she goes, and so go for the latter. Soon after, we leave and she holds my hand on the way home and then kisses me as we enter the house. No sex, but still intimate right?

 

Next day: "Did I tell you I got back with the Guy from Aus?"

 

Huh.

 

Again, fast forward a couple days and our time in Edinburgh seems stilted. She seems distant, but when she's present it's great. We get to the end of her stay, I give her a hug and she gets back on the train to London.

 

Ten minutes later I get a text asking me for coffee today (Thursday) because 'she needs to talk to me' - 'it's about italy' - 'she doesn't think we should go'.

 

So that's about to happen, and I fucking hate everything about this whole situation. The timing, the fact that I let myself fall for a girl who is leaving for Australia, the fact that I trusted her to not do this sort of thing and so book tickets for us to go away...

 

I don't know what I'm going to do. Go there and hear her out, I guess. It's all I can do, really. I think we can go as friends - even if we are sharing a bed - because we do enjoy each other's company. Well, I enjoy hers. I know my insecurity gets to her. This whole thing is difficult. I'm going to miss her an awful lot.

 

I fear that if we don't go to Italy, this will be the last time I see her. It's close enough to her departure date that that's a possibility, and if we do cancel Italy I'm not sure I could handle seeing her. I don't want this to be the last time. It's not how I want our relationship to end.

 

Urgh.

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That's a real sucky situation, pabosher. I feel for you. You got stuck in a real confusing and uncomfortable period of someone's life. It's always really tough to know (or suspect) when the last time will be to see someone you care about. 

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That's a real sucky situation, pabosher. I feel for you. You got stuck in a real confusing and uncomfortable period of someone's life. It's always really tough to know (or suspect) when the last time will be to see someone you care about. 

 

Thanks man, that actually means a lot. To give an update, she's thinking about whether or not we will go to Italy now, and will let me know if she thinks it can work. It hurts a lot.

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