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Man I hate dating. It just feels like work. I'm not cut out for this junk. I should just go back to being alone and not worrying about it.

 

While I certainly agree that being alone and not really caring is very comfortable (This is the state I am currently and, except for a period of about one month, always have been in) I must say that dating was much more exciting.

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Dating can be like applying for jobs, where you can have a string of bad luck and can put in a ton of effort into a bunch of first and second dates without really getting much out of it but then all of a sudden you find the one that clicks and it's awesome.

 

And then you get fired or quit down the road but let's be honest, did you really want to work there FOREVER?

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Fuck it, I'm gonna ask. If verbalizing confusion I'm feeling is what does us in, then guess what it's probably good to do it! I really like this girl, but frankly if she's not interested I will go date other girls.

 

The trademark decisive idiocy you know and love from Badfinger.

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That's OK, you should of course do what you feel is right and ultimately nothing super bad will happen whatever the case! :tup:

We all do things in our own perculiar way, especially when it concerns the stupidly confusing world of relationships. I have actually probably just walked away from potential relationships in the name of pre-empting hurt I've experienced before, so you're right to weigh in that factor.

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Dating can be like applying for jobs, where you can have a string of bad luck and can put in a ton of effort into a bunch of first and second dates without really getting much out of it but then all of a sudden you find the one that clicks and it's awesome.

 

And then you get fired or quit down the road but let's be honest, did you really want to work there FOREVER?

 

Imagine breaking up with someone by sitting down and saying "you're fired!" in your best Donald Trump.

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I just realized that the lady and I met this week 20 years ago.  It seems like it's been no time at all, and like I've lived multiple different lives in all those years.  Time is weird. 

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I moved out for work to another place two months ago, but still keeping my old flat for the moment (because reasons).  I just found out that in my absence my roommate racked up a 220 euro electricity bill. By contrast, the previous bill (which was over winter) was only 40 more when me and my girlfriend spent a full two months staying there. My girlfriend was in the flat for a month still, and I went back for a couple weekends but man... I was expecting it to be 100 at most. I literally cannot pay this and will now have to be a butt and tell her that I can pay some but most of it is not my bill.

 

I'd be more willing to help her if not for the fact that I'm still paying my share of rent for a mostly unused room while paying for the room I'm actually living in... and that's a ridiculous bill to have made mostly by herself.

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Contrary to my attitude earlier when I was dreading the future, I went on this date with this girl tonight and it was cool. Whereas the date earlier this week was an exercise in get me the hell out of here, the date tonight was smooth and she was really easy to talk to and nice. It didn't last super long because she had a thing at the gym, for which I am grateful because the longer these things go the more anxious I get. But I had more good conversation in 45 minutes than I did in 90 minutes on Tuesday. Now comes the hard part of learning whether or not she also had a good enough time to want to do it again. I wish I was better at knowing how people feel about me. Not just women, but people in general. Hmm.

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Contrary to my attitude earlier when I was dreading the future, I went on this date with this girl tonight and it was cool. Whereas the date earlier this week was an exercise in get me the hell out of here, the date tonight was smooth and she was really easy to talk to and nice. It didn't last super long because she had a thing at the gym, for which I am grateful because the longer these things go the more anxious I get. But I had more good conversation in 45 minutes than I did in 90 minutes on Tuesday. Now comes the hard part of learning whether or not she also had a good enough time to want to do it again. I wish I was better at knowing how people feel about me. Not just women, but people in general. Hmm.

 

Turns out it's really hard because it's really easy but we all hate the thing that would let us know. Just ask.

 

 

Or, for some maybe actual advice, make statements. "I really enjoyed meeting up with you on Blurgsday. We should do it again/I'd like to see you again." Or have another thing planned. "I really liked meeting up. I was planning on going hiking this weekend. I'm wondering if you'd like to come along."

 

 

vvv See my angst above, personal communication friend! Honestly I'm not usually much better at reading people, which makes me think the answer to my question is no, but hell I'm still gon' ask.

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Haha yeah. I just wish I had some inkling BEFORE I ask. I mean I know I'm not the only person who has trouble with this sort of thing, but that doesn't make it any less anxiety-inducing.

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I'm handing out with a friend from out of town tomorrow night and don't really know what to expect. We weren't particularly close when we lived in the same city, but she's become incredibly friendly since moving away, to the point of regularly saying that I'm the person she misses the most, and set aside an entire evening of her three-day stay to spend with me. I'm not even sure what she plans to do here! It just feels very weird to me. I asked the I Ching about it and got Hexagram VII, the Army. Though the earth is poisoned by war, resolute action wins the day and averts harm, even if risks are taken. At least, that's what I distilled from the commentaries, which also have a lot about emotions being the army of the body. I don't know what to make of it.

 

Before you roll your eyes, I've actually really enjoyed learning about how to use the I Ching in daily life. The readings of the hexagrams are so pithy and obscure that it's just been a good way to make me reflect on my hopes and anxieties over a given situation. Throwing a hexagram is basically the best way to ask myself for advice that I've yet found.

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From what I understand, a lot of those frameworks work simply by forcing you to reconsider the problem from a different angle. One I've heard of is if you're trying to choose between two different options with their own pros and cons, you make a list on paper of all the criteria you have for deciding (close to home, cheaper, good experience, etc.), rank them out of ten based on how important they are to you, then rank each alternative out of ten by how much it fulfils each criteria. Then, multiply each ranking by how important each criteria is to you, add them all up for the criteria, and pick the you decided to do once you actually started doing the multiplications.

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The past 2 weeks have been the most exhausting emotional roller coaster.

Dr. Girlfriend got home from over seas, we had one really nice day together and then she got so sick that I thought she was going to die. It was terrifying. There was a huge ordeal getting her to the hospital due to words like 'quarantine' and failures on the part of the various medical bureaucracies involved. Then there were many days at the hospital, the details of which I wont go into, but they were alternately scary and interesting. I camped out in the chair next to her bed a lot. Last Saturday she was discharged and is doing fine now.

In the middle of all of that my boss called and informed me that I had been awarded my transfer to the South Bay. The next day Dr. Girlfriend matched for the residency program of her choice- about 20 miles from my new office. Our plan, that has been ongoing for months, worked- we managed to move both our careers to the same place, no one had to quit their job and it's a location that we can stand. So, now we are house hunting and things are looking up.

When i'm done being completely exhausted I'll be overjoyed. Right now i'm just happy that no one died.

P.s. Holy shit, the peninsula is absurdly expensive.

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and maybe claim some new territory from weaker foes? 

 

or at least initiate a few border skirmishes.

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Love is a battlefield, after all

 

I'm so glad I got to this first

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Sounds to me like you should definitively plan to have fun and enjoy the company of a friend!

 

Yeah, I just reread my post and realize what a weirdo I sound like. I just have fairly stiff boundaries and am really disconcerted when people act like they're closer to or more distant from me than I feel they are. It wasn't something about which I really thought when she lived on the other side of the country, but the prospect of spending a night out with someone I consider barely above an acquaintance threw me off. I spent the morning thinking, and I definitely think the hexagram (and my gut, of course) says that I should just stop being such a weirdo and have a good time with her. So... yeah.

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Huge congrats man, it's amazing when you manage to get your life paths to line up like that.

 

Thank you! I know a lot of people struggle with this exact situation, so I'm feeling pretty lucky.

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Yeah, I just reread my post and realize what a weirdo I sound like. I just have fairly stiff boundaries and am really disconcerted when people act like they're closer to or more distant from me than I feel they are. It wasn't something about which I really thought when she lived on the other side of the country, but the prospect of spending a night out with someone I consider barely above an acquaintance threw me off. I spent the morning thinking, and I definitely think the hexagram (and my gut, of course) says that I should just stop being such a weirdo and have a good time with her. So... yeah.

 

I wasn't offering a rebuke! I was just reading what you said, and what you said I Ching said. Sounds like you are set up to have a fun day with a friend. Did she suggest doing anything specific? Also according to the army, make sure to ask her what's best in life.

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Dang, all day with no response. Oh well!

Man I'm so happy it's Friday. Is anyone else happy it's Friday?? 

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Dang, all day with no response. Oh well!

Man I'm so happy it's Friday. Is anyone else happy it's Friday?? 

 

Happy friday, Twig! I hope you run into a cool lady whilst out doing something you enjoy.

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