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Apologies? What have you got to apologise for? "I'm sorry ma'am, but you're raising an average kid."

 

BIG GENERALIZATIONS HERE. THIS IS NOT UNIVERSAL, BUT A TREND I HAVE NOTICED IN TEACHING.

 

Some parents have a legend of their child built up so much in their head that this is what happens. It is the gravest offense to these people to not have raised the incredibly special saviour of mankind. Like, your kid was overjoyed when the career aptitude test from health class said welder. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a welder, and as someone on the other side of things I'm actually pretty jealous of people who are that good at creating THINGS rather than hypotheticals. To these parents though, a life in the trades may as well be a life sentence, so it comes down to what am I doing wrong that they aren't equipped to be a neurosurgeon yet. This is a phenomenon localized to middle-class parents of middle-achieving kids. The kids who make trouble have parents who just want their kid to find SOMETHING productive they like to do. The kids who over-achieve (largely) have parents who are more concerned with keeping them grounded and not letting their abilities go to their heads. Beware the average middle class WASP though. Beware...

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Good thing I let my parents down super early in that regard!

 

---

 

Today a cleaner is coming to clean my apartment (little less than two hours now!). Yeah, I'm lazy, and deplorable, whatever. Anyway, my apartment is now cleaner than it's been in months, just by virtue of organizing loose papers, etc. I am a monster.

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You're not a monster, cleaning is one of those things that gets away from us when we feel mentally or physically unwell, and it can often get into shame spiralling really fast. You feel guilty for not cleaning, and that makes you n ot feel up to cleaning, ad nauseum. One site that I used when I was really down in my anxiety was Unfuck Your Habitat. It really does create an emphasis on manageable, sustainable cleaning habits for people with mental health and physical disabilities, and works on making you feel better, rather than guilty for not doing things "properly."

 

I've gotten much better at cleaning because I've learned how to do little bits that I feel up for every day versus letting it get overwhelming and freaking out about it.

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Haha, well, I wasn't trying to go anywhere deep with my comment. I just thought it was funny that it's cleaner than it's ever been, just in time for a cleaner to come and polish it off for me.

 

Of course, that's not to say that's not the state of mind I'm in. I keep putting off calling a psychiatrist to set up the first appointment because I don't even really know what to say. "I'm sad," I guess, should be enough, but I don't do it. Also I'm wondering if maybe I should've gone for a therapist instead. I dunno if psychiatrists are quick to medicate, or if they're more expensive, or what. Guess I could take some time today to research that. EDIT: Well, first thing I learned is that I had the definition of "therapist" wrong. Which is sorta embarrassing since my mom is one.

 

Ahh but I'm so hungry! I didn't eat lunch when I normally would, 'cause I'm gonna leave and do that while the cleaner works!

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First, is it only me ... after the "anal(ytical the)rapist" joke in Arrested Development I cannot read the world "therapist" as one word any more.

 

Second, I have also had trouble keeping my apartment clean. One thing that helps is having people over regularly, as really forces me to at least clean the rooms they will be in. I host board game nights (sometimes movie nights) at my place about once a week, partially with that purpose in mind. :)

 

Also I hired a cleaner in December, and indeed, my room gets relatively a huge amount cleaner just before she comes every two weeks, because I have to clean up the mess so that she can get at the surfaces. I'm also really good at not fixing the things that need fixed in my apartment. Like there is some damaged wallpaper from a flood that happened a year and a half ago that needs gluing to the wall or something.

 

But still I have this one room that I don't even really go into any more, it is so messy. I used to have my computer there at the desk, before I installed a big screen and projector in my living room. Now it's just a room for storing stuff, but there's no order at all, things are sort of just lying on the floor. But the good thing is that it doesn't get a lot of dust since I don't go there a lot and keep the door closed.

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I've been reading this book about "tidying", which basically just means throwing away a bunch of shit so that you don't have enough stuff that storage is a problem. I'm not integrating the entire philosophy of the book into my personal practice, but it is interesting regarding things I own in an extremely personal light that lets me discard without too much impact on my conscience. Anyways, disposing of the clutter has really helped me clean up around the house as many more surfaces than usual are completely clear.

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I've been reading this book about "tidying", which basically just means throwing away a bunch of shit so that you don't have enough stuff that storage is a problem. I'm not integrating the entire philosophy of the book into my personal practice, but it is interesting regarding things I own in an extremely personal light that lets me discard without too much impact on my conscience. Anyways, disposing of the clutter has really helped me clean up around the house as many more surfaces than usual are completely clear.

I don't know entirely how to ask this question, but do you find that this book is useful on a practical, and not just philosophical, level? I am a big fan of getting rid of stuff generally but I wouldn't mind reading thoughts from someone who has considered it more thoroughly than I have, as long as the whole book couldn't be stated as simply "have fewer things."

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I've had to basically write apologies to three super WASP-y parents for calling their kids average. Fun times this weekend as the emails roll in!

 

Genius children somehow becoming average adults

 

Middle class parents can be the worst to deal with. The projection of aspirations that they instead should have taken a good, long hard look at can become incredibly entitled and repulsive.

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I don't know entirely how to ask this question, but do you find that this book is useful on a practical, and not just philosophical, level? I am a big fan of getting rid of stuff generally but I wouldn't mind reading thoughts from someone who has considered it more thoroughly than I have, as long as the whole book couldn't be stated as simply "have fewer things."

 

My Kindle says I'm 60% of the way through it so take this with a grain of salt, but I'd say the book focuses more on the author's philosophy rather than the practicality of her method. As someone who is generally pretty logical and unemotional, it's an odd book to read because the author frequently talks about spirituality hand in hand with practicality.

 

Example - she suggests folding socks and shirts instead of rolling them up or some such thing, half because if you fold something like socks you're not going to be stretching the elastic as you would if you rolled them up. The other half of this practice is so that you touch the clothes for longer so you're pouring positive energy into them rather than just treating them roughly or hanging things up unnecessarily. I don't fully buy the energy and spirit stuff, but she does tend to refer back to utility often because I imagine that some of the Japanese spiritualism might wear after a while.

 

I have gleaned a lot of storage and tidying methodology from reading it that I've already put into practice. Add to that the book being relatively short (I read that first 60% on a 2 hour flight) and I find it easy to recommend as long as you keep in mind that it's not 100% or even 50% practical. I don't mind that balance though, as it turns out the reason I've not thrown a lot of things away is emotional and not rational, like keeping old clothes that I'd never wear in public for sentimental reasons or keeping trinkets around that I've no use for that only take up space.

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Genius children somehow becoming average adults

 

Middle class parents can be the worst to deal with. The projection of aspirations that they instead should have taken a good, long hard look at can become incredibly entitled and repulsive.

Yeah. I was somehow always "the smart one" almost to everybody I knew, not just my parents. I think I never developed any really obnoxious entitlement issues, but the reality kind of hit me when I barely passed a math test to get into uni. I was the second best at math in my class and still even took extra classes that spring before the test. My friend who was one of the most average students throughout the 12 years we went to school together scored perfectly. I totally failed at uni (but just not enough to get expelled for years), but the first years I had this huge pressure to do well, and I basically lied to my parents for a couple of years about how well I was doing. Some days I pretended to go to exams while I actually found something else to do, and then told them that I had passed the exam. I think I probably turned out fine in the end, though.

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Oh, and happy Groundhog Day! One of the best comedies ever made.

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Work feels super weird.

I'm actually in a position driven by my own initiative more than a set load of the Work I Must Get Through. I'm also the only person in the office who can do what I do, which relates to a weird new ephemeral responsibility of representing what's reasonable to achieve to my boss since he doesn't really know that well. Of course that also means that if I can't/don't do something, it just doesn't get done.

 

But also my boss is 29, I went to the pub with workmates three times last week and also I set off the office alarm yesterday when trying to get my phone charger. So luckily I'm not being made to feel too grown up about things.

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I went to my friends birthday party last night after not seeing them for about six months and had an amazing night.

 

Felt really nice to meet new people, and they all gave me hugs when I left :3

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Work feels super weird.

I'm actually in a position driven by my own initiative more than a set load of the Work I Must Get Through. I'm also the only person in the office who can do what I do, which relates to a weird new ephemeral responsibility of representing what's reasonable to achieve to my boss since he doesn't really know that well. Of course that also means that if I can't/don't do something, it just doesn't get done.

 

But also my boss is 29, I went to the pub with workmates three times last week and also I set off the office alarm yesterday when trying to get my phone charger. So luckily I'm not being made to feel too grown up about things.

The street to get to your office is incredibly tedious to navigate.

 

Yes, I'm a creepo that drove past that office while I was in Ireland.

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I went to my friends birthday party last night after not seeing them for about six months and had an amazing night.

 

Felt really nice to meet new people, and they all gave me hugs when I left :3

New friends! :tup:

 

The street to get to your office is incredibly tedious to navigate.

 

Yes, I'm a creepo that drove past that office while I was in Ireland.

I am pretty used to it because I've lived here all my life. (Also I just walk)

 

Also you put a single programming job on your linkedIn and already I have a recruiter in Edinburgh claiming he can offer me a job. I never thought I'd be worth scamming before...

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At work I'm currently surrounded by cool people (all working on different stuff from me) but I was told this afternoon that I'll soon be moving desks to sit with the rest of the people working on the project I'm on.

 

I'm kind of mad (I'm actually mad) about this because I like the people I sit next to. I can talk to them and not expect a gay joke or a random complaint about people not liking sexism or a lunch hour ruined by people not understanding that blatant generalizations about groups of people aren't cool.

 

I can't say the same about the people I'll be sitting with soon.

 

I was finally getting to a place where I could enjoy work - almost entirely BECAUSE of where I currently sit, 'cause it sure as hell isn't the project I'm on... - and now here's a giant step backwards.

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Sabotage your project in such a way as they fire everyone else and move you to the other project

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