Zeusthecat Posted January 22, 2015 I wish there was a Tinder specifically for meeting friends. As far as I know outside of sites like Meetup that are for organizing events or recurring groups, there really isn't anything of that nature that exists. And everything I've heard from everyone ever is that using a dating app and just selecting "making friends" doesn't communicate anything since you're using a dating app. I was secretly really hoping to see a Thumb or two show up around my neck of the woods on that map undermind9 put together because when I think about trying to make new friends (of which I have none right now that live anywhere near me), I imagine the chances of hitting it off with someone would be much higher if it was a person in this community. So please, someone move to Phoenix. It might be hell on earth here but at least you would have an automatic friend. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dibs Posted January 22, 2015 If i lived there we would totally be friends, caus it is always good to have someone you can share poop stores with. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zeusthecat Posted January 22, 2015 If i lived there we would totally be friends, caus it is always good to have someone you can share poop stores with. We could open a poop store together. Call it ZeusnDibs poo emporium. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Professor Video Games Posted January 22, 2015 Pooporium Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nachimir Posted January 22, 2015 the more I think about it, the more I'm as knee-jerkilly annoyed by people who self-righteously groan at polyamoury as they are at my supposed moral failings and apriori assumed creepery. I get that. I've been dating a poly person recently, and while she's been upfront about it, in two dates we haven't talked about it yet. I like that it's basically background to us hanging out and getting to know each other, rather than some kind of burning issue. Poly or not, some people are terrible bores or terribly judgmental when it comes to the subject. I spent a while in a poly relationship about a decade ago, and while the thing I learned from it was that I don't need more than one partner, while it was happening I noticed a few friends watched me like hawks if I was anywhere near their girlfriends, as if I was inherently predatory or evangelical about it. The macho insecurity you mention is definitely in the same realms of misunderstanding. A bit like how people are sometimes desperate to ask bi people "But when you're with someone of one gender, don't you want someone of the other gender?" and even before "Actually gender is really complicated" the answer would often be "No I want the committed relationship I'm in. Now stop trying to peer into my underpants, so to speak". When it comes to polyamory, I see no moral arguments one way or the other, and think everyone should be more accepting and chill the fuck out Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elvaq Posted January 22, 2015 Wait, wait. Guys. Is http://www.friend.zone/ available? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bjorn Posted January 22, 2015 On the poly thing, I'm willing to give Apple Cider and other women who've told me similar things the benefit of the doubt that the couples who contacted them were using poor judgment (in being able to appropriately screen women who would be good matches), or were not being respectful in some other way. That matches up with my experiences hanging out in lesbian bars, and in a few other spaces. It's one thing to be approached in a manner where you're being treated as an equal human being, and another to feel like you are being approached as a living sex toy. I know both types of couples exist, but given human nature and the internet, women are probably more likely to encounter the latter than the former. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Apple Cider Posted January 22, 2015 I have no issue with polyamory, literally none. But my understanding of poly couplings was consent, respect, boundaries, etc. If I literally list myself as ONLY looking for FRIENDS, a couple (of any stripe, most of this was actually heterosexual "open" marriages or committed couples looking for threesomes, not even all poly) looking at me for sex is not negotiating with me on respectful premises. I grasp that being poly opens you up to a lot of intense scrutiny and trust me, I empathize as a queer woman. Being bisexual means being hypersexualized literally all the time if you are visible, among other things. However, every time I was approached by someone, it was always the man of whatever relationship it was, it was always "want to hang out with me and my wife/primary/etc" with the "and potentially more" hanging out there despite requesting no "more" at all. I don't care who you are or what you do in your life, but respect people. I can grok that it's hard to screen for potential other poly people since it doesn't seem like they have similar sites for meeting like OkCupid but I thought poly people tend to list that kind of thing in profiles. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
osmosisch Posted January 22, 2015 So please, someone move to Phoenix. It might be hell on earth here but at least you would have an automatic friend. Kind of tangential, but did you read Infinite Jest? if so, is the description of Phoenix any kind of accurate? It sounds awful indeed. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nachimir Posted January 22, 2015 I have no issue with polyamory, literally none. But my understanding of poly couplings was consent, respect, boundaries, etc. If I literally list myself as ONLY looking for FRIENDS, a couple (of any stripe, most of this was actually heterosexual "open" marriages or committed couples looking for threesomes, not even all poly) looking at me for sex is not negotiating with me on respectful premises. Oh, yeah, for sure. The examples you gave from dating sites are skeezy and disrespectful; I didn't mean to minimise that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zeusthecat Posted January 22, 2015 Kind of tangential, but did you read Infinite Jest? if so, is the description of Phoenix any kind of accurate? It sounds awful indeed. I didn't read it but here is my honest take. Climate-wise, Phoenix is quite nice from October through April. Lows rarely get below 40 F and highs are usually in the 70s to 80s with a few hot spells that get us up in the 90s here and there. In that period of time, it is tough to find a more pleasant place to do outdoor stuff. However, the opposite part of the year sucks major ass. In June/July it is fairly common for us to reach 115 F and just walking outside feels like getting blasted with heat from opening a hot oven. Unless you have a pool and a ton of sunscreen, you would probably just want to lock yourself inside with the A/C running full blast. It doesn't really bother me too much though because most of my hobbies tend to be indoors. The main gripe I have about Phoenix is the political climate. Phoenix is predominantly republican and we have the super asshole, Joe Arpaio as our sheriff. Luckily, most of my co-workers tend to lean the other way so the people I interact with most are pretty cool, but it is hard not to notice just how predominant the right-wing viewpoints are. There is a lot of overt racism because of our proximity to the border and everyone's misconceptions about illegal immigrants, education is one of the worst in the nation because republicans, and agencies like CPS are constantly getting their funding cut also because republicans. So yeah, in a sense, it is hell. But it has its moments and can be alright if you find a good group of people. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Badfinger Posted January 22, 2015 The thing about polyamory isn't that I'm necessarily against it, but rather that everyone around me is more or less against it. The specter of going on more than about 2 dates with multiple people at a time and the other people "finding out" is fairly fear inducing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Apelsin Posted January 22, 2015 Damn, sometimes I'm almost glad my anxiety has pretty much shut down any ambition I have to get a relationship. Shit sounds hard. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mangela Lansbury Posted January 22, 2015 The thing about polyamory isn't that I'm necessarily against it, but rather that everyone around me is more or less against it. The specter of going on more than about 2 dates with multiple people at a time and the other people "finding out" is fairly fear inducing. Is there really an expectation of exclusivity after two dates? I rarely have any blowback if I mention on an early date that I went on this date with this other guy the other night and [anecdote]. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Badfinger Posted January 22, 2015 Nah, there isn't. That's definitely over exaggeration on my part. Let's say maybe a few weeks, instead? Some level of mutual agreement where you've gotten past the idea of meeting someone just to see how it goes and are doing so because that's what you want. Like, if you're seeing Jane on Fridays and John on Saturdays that's basically wacky sitcom level territory for most people. I actually do prefer the idea of exclusivity, but I know I've felt internal pressure to "make a decision" faster than I would have if I had met people at different times. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Twig Posted January 22, 2015 In case anyone is wondering, my new avatar is Ludwig von Koopa dressed up as Tomba, star of the secret best PS1 game, Tomba. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zeusthecat Posted January 22, 2015 In case anyone is wondering, my new avatar is Ludwig von Koopa dressed up as Tomba, star of the secret best PS1 game, Tomba. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nachimir Posted January 22, 2015 ^ hah Is there really an expectation of exclusivity after two dates? I rarely have any blowback if I mention on an early date that I went on this date with this other guy the other night and [anecdote]. I think this varies a lot. I'm comfortable with dating a few people at the same time, but only if none of those things are sexual yet. I have friends who can't date multiple people without feeling awful about it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
undermind9 Posted January 22, 2015 In case anyone is wondering, my new avatar is Ludwig von Koopa dressed up as Tomba, star of the secret best PS1 game, Tomba. i was wondering, thank you for clarificaiton Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Twig Posted January 22, 2015 You are welcome! For reference, here is Tomba. He bites pigs on the head on the path to killing them. This is my life. I AM TOMBA! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Merus Posted January 23, 2015 When I was in Bournemouth I was getting dozens and dozens of matches that I never bothered to talk to or reply back, but since I've been back in Scunthorpe I've got exactly 0 matches. That just rubs my nose in all the wrong ways let me tell you. Maybe your profile was being filtered because of unacceptable language It's a clbuttic problem with that area of the world Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Codicier Posted January 23, 2015 I have my first date for a couple of months tomorrow, I had not bothered for a while but rejoined okc in the new year on a impulse but decided I wasn't going to contact anyone but wait for them to contact me. So here I find myself nervous as all heck because I can't quite push out of the back of the mind that despite it being something I tell myself I want in a potential special someone I can't but help worry that she's more successful than me(more specifically I'm anxious she will think less of me for it). I know it's idiotic but I guess decades of living in a society that has these values has got them drilled into me on a subconscious level and all I can do is try to fight those instincts Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Twig Posted January 23, 2015 Nobody ever contacts me on OKC, so I don't have to worry about that! Phew. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
