Jump to content
gdf

Life

Recommended Posts

I moved back home with my parents for a period of six months before finally getting my job and I can safely say it's the lowest point of my entire life.

 

But at least I got out of it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry if this sounds patronizing, but remember to absorb these experiences because once you are cozy, it's hard to remember why other people are having such a hard time; that's a really important thing to remember when you are cozy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Any body else have crippling anxiety? I constantly am afraid that everyone actually hates me and that I am a terrible person.

 

Life sucks yo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Any body else have crippling anxiety? I constantly am afraid that everyone actually hates me and that I am a terrible person.

 

Life sucks yo.

 

I had this problem for a very, very long time, so I know this won't matter much, but I'll still say it: Stop caring. You're a fine person who's just doing their best when they can and doing better where they can't. That you're doing what you can is amazing and beautiful, and people that can't appreciate that are just dealing with things that you can't even imagine. Everyone is worthy of your love just because they're still alive in such a fucked up world, but don't feel bad when you don't get it in return because we're all alive in suuuuuuch a fucked up world.

 

And, because I don't know where else to put this, I'll deposit it here

 

I was diagnosed with PTSD because of an abusive relationship. I don't know what to do with that diagnosis. I've dealt with the physical scars fine but even with my history of questionable mental states, I have no idea how to approach being diagnosed with something where my only familiarity with it is my dad's absence and abuse being blamed on the same thing. I know that it can turn me into a monster, and I don't want to get to that place. I'm getting help for it -- my psychologist gave me information about support groups for it and recommended I come see her more often for the same amount of money -- but I don't know how to deal with that kind of diagnosis when I'm on my own. I don't even want to go to support groups because they're just general PTSD support groups, and what, I'm supposed to pretend like a single person's abuse compares to being in a war zone?

 

I'm sure I'll get over that given time and someone pushing me to go to it, but I just received that diagnosis today and I'm still processing it. And I still don't have the slightest idea what do with that information.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For those of you having super hard times, I'm glad your sharing and I would comment if I had any clever ideas on how to make it better, but I don't. Sometimes even drawing dinosaurs doesn't make me happy. What the fuck do you do when that is the case, I don't fuckin know. It usually works though. Maybe try it? See? I want y'all to feel better but I have no idea how to make that happen so I'm just throwing shit out there. I just read that excellent Austin Walker lecture about trauma.

http://clockworkworlds.com/post/103676516984/a-short-lecture-on-trauma-the-stories-we-tell

Maybe trying to come up with ways to deal with this stuff is that little bit of control, the story-telling, that he is talking about in it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So now I've acepted that I have no control over the situation and doing my duties during my shift, but I'm not cleaning up after them. I'm watching my workplace deteriorate.

I wonder how long it will take before my supervisor has to do something about it and my coworkers convince him that it's because I don't do anything.

TL;DR

Don't hire people that spend all their energy trying to convince people that they work instead of working.

 

Clyde, you're doing the exact right thing by not cleaning up after them anymore. I was in a similar situation at my old job. Me and my colleague were kicking ass at our duties, until the (remote) manager responsible for this was replaced, and the new guy was incompetent, uncommunicative, and was really only good at spreadsheets. 

 

He started off assuming we had more responsibilities than we did, and put stuff on us that the old manager did, and he also didn't act on problems we reported. Initially we didn't mind, because we both liked the new challences and saw it as a good way to go up the ladder, but we ended up just doing more than we were paid for, and couldn't follow through because we didn't actually have the authority towards the rest of the company or with external partners.

So we just ended up being frustrated, but if we didn't pick up the slack, it would not only affect our stats and work reports, it would directly affect our customers. So we kept doing it, but kept letting him know everything that was wrong, and well, what he is supposed to be doing. Some stuff got better, some stayed the same, but always new problems appeared.

 

Finally we ended up having a meeting with HIS boss. It was supposed to be short, but we ended up unloading our burden on her for over an hour. She told us that we shouldn't be picking up the slack, even though it would hurt the customers and the statistics. Because even though this had been going on for over a year, she hadn't heard ANY of it. Whenever he reported in, he would just say that everything is in order, or that we were taking care of stuff, and it turns out she had no idea what we actually do, day-to-day.

 

She told us she understood us perfectly, because she had been there herself. You think of what's best for everyone, or what's best for the company, etc. But by running around putting out fires by yourself, you're just doing more work without anyone noticing. And if you're silently fixing everything, there's no reason for anyone else to notice, even if you say so verbally to your immediate supervisor. It's a back-handed favor that only helps short-term.

 

 

So yeah, let it get worse. It's gonna hurt, especially if you take pride in your work, but it's what needs to be done. Just make sure it's clear what you actually do, so you don't get the blame as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Any body else have crippling anxiety? I constantly am afraid that everyone actually hates me and that I am a terrible person.

 

Life sucks yo.

 

It's the worst, isn't it? But if you resist the temptation to isolate yourself to escape that pain it will eventually get easier to live. I've only just started to understand myself that most people either really do not care enough to judge or are maybe even willing to sympathize if you open up to them. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So there's a towering pillar of flame visible from my window/front yard!

 

N3RpVuul.jpg

 

http://i.imgur.com/CziDrHl.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/P37GA8C.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/ykROGtS.jpg (daytime pic)

 

There were two flames a few days ago:

http://i.imgur.com/OmlQsIM.jpg

 

They fracked some gas wells up the road (they've drilled several on the same hill I think, or maybe just two; we've had a lot of drilling in this area over the past couple of years), and someone told me they burn off some of the gas for a little bit to get rid of contaminants or something that would prevent them from transporting it easily or whatever (he mentioned Nitrogen specifically).  Its strangely beautiful in a fucked up "opening of Blade Runner" sort of way and I've become accustomed to the roaring sound which is very faint when I'm in the house (and sounds like a jet engine outside).  They should be done in a few days I would imagine.  I'm in central West Virginia and we've got a LOT of natural gas in the ground so drilling and fracking have become common place.

 

Sorry for the shitty quality of the pictures; I took them with my really old Canon Digital Rebel EOS 300D which I guess was made in 2003 or 2004 (I bought it off my brother several years back for $100 when he upgraded to a Nikon D90).  I still have yet to completely figure out how to take pictures with that camera of light sources at night (my knowledge of photography is very very limited), but I'm imaging the SL1 I ordered Thursday or Friday should be a little more friendly wrt those conditions when it arrives.

 

Edit: I corrected a couple of the links above.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm in the Appalachias too and I'm not excited about them releasing the Fracken.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I broke my collarbone yesterday. I was riding my BMX, doing a trick I'd done 100 times before, the thing I had been practicing all summer,

Something went wrong this time causing my bike to slip sideways out from under me as I was coming down the ramp. I slammed down hard on my left side, my helmet hit hard, my shoulder for hard, my whole left side hit hard. After I pulled myself together, I realized something was wrong with my shoulder. Some folks helped me get out of the bowl, and I was able to get myself home so that my girlfriend could take me to the ER.

The collarbone breaking is fortunately pretty common. My arm is in a sling and that should be enough to get it to heal. It hurt pretty bad, I'm on T3s to help with the pain. I should be healed up in six weeks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ouch! Glad you don't need metalwork at least, SpennyDubz. Six weeks off the bike though :( :( :(

 

I went to a taster session for BMX racing last week, and had a lucky escape: learning to manual, overbalanced and flicked the back wheel forward over a lip by mistake instead of sucking it up. Luckily it was a fairly big one, so I could throw the bike and slide down the outslope. Wrist and knee have healed, but my heel's still bruised.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi guuuuuys!

 

I posted all about my dating experiences in this thread, so I thought I'd come back and balance things out. I have a girlfriend now, for 3 months, Here name is Eve :)

10805764_10152688318086461_1810525058346

She tames wild horses, for real, and trains crazy ones who get too dangerous. Also she's a host on local tv and radio stations. She's cool and badass, and sweet and nice!

I met her when I opened the OKCupid app again after weeks of forgetting about it. We hooked up once, and then every couple days since. Now we just went to Rome.

Much more story than that, but y'know, that's the bullet-point update!

 

Talking to lots of new developers at tinyBuild! Fun games releasing next year.

Some parts of my life are still a fucking ball-ache, but hey y'know, sun's still shinin'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi I finally got a new job. It's not quite where I could have been with the other ones, but maybe I'll get an insurance now and stuff.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She tames wild horses, for real, and trains crazy ones who get too dangerous.

 

What! Cool!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah if there's a horse who's just kicking off, breaking people's necks in Italy or France or Germany, they send it here. Then she spends a week riding it and not falling off or taking any guff.

Usually people will continue to get scared of their own horse, and call again the next year.

 

Anyone else have trouble with social media? anytime I open twitter I want to burst into tears.

 

Yeah I follow zero people. It's just better for me not to be a part of it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Anyone else have trouble with social media? anytime I open twitter I want to burst into tears.

 

Nope, Twitter is blocked from work so I can't read the twitter posts that people here quote, and by the time I've gotten home I've forgot. It's working well for me.

 

Also, Facebook continues to work for party scheduling and remind me of birthdays.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have collected a small group of followers, but they are all super talented and I feel like if I tweet something I am actively making them hate me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Whoa hey same with me but that's balanced out by the other half of my followers that are idiots from TiGSource and bots.

I've been trying kind of hard to duck out of using twitter for a while, cause it always felt like I had nothing I particularly wanted to say while really wanting to communicate with people.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×