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"Hey, do you want to continue working here for €15 a day?"

This shouldn't be a difficult question, but it is. Hooray for capitalism.

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Doing things is expensive!

 

That's true, and that's one reason that games night worked well: we held it in a tea room that didn't serve alcohol, so that social pressure was done with. You could go hang out for the price of bus fare and a cup of tea if you were poor.

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Doing things is expensive! I've been looking for a good evening class for a while - either something handy like bike maintenance or something more academic like learning Italian or Czech, but they're not cheap at all. Then there's the fact I get home from work and I'm usually dead tired, and really not in the mood for making small talk with people. 

 

I noticed you're in Manchester so maybe try: http://hacman.org.uk/ if you're looking for stuff like bike mainenance.

 

I've been through a similar experience to what most of you described over the last year and half - splitting up with my ex, moving back to my folks place, and 3 of my best friends moving different cites. I've never really been the most outgoing of people and therefore spent about 6 months not really seeing anyone other than my folks or work colleagues, wishing I had something to do or people to hangout with.

 

I came to the realisation that things were only going to happen if I actually did something about it myself. I took it as an opportunity to try out things I'd wanted to do when I was younger and never really had the courage to do due to be shy and a bit awkward. I taken up a martial art, joined sports clubs, started attending board game & video game events, volunteering as staff for beer festivals and other events in my area etc. My social circle has grown and I now know various new people that I class as good friends. There's plenty of free stuff out there is you look.

 

The late-20s/early-30s is a really tough time to start making new friends, but if you put in the effort, it is possible.

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Can I join the "no friends" support group?

 

After a dramatic decision to leave my life behind to go with my long-distance girlfriend one country over, we've had a hard time making friends in the small town we ended up in. We have some acquaintances at work we have lunch and occasional drinks with, but no real friends.

 

We're trying to get back to Norway, but man, it's hard. And meanwhile we're staying at home, playing games and watching Netflix, without someone to talk to but each other. 

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I also left my life to live with my long distance girlfriend, now wife. We also work together, so we see each other pretty much ALL THE TIME. Due to that, I've been really encouraging her to spend time with a friend of hers even though she is reticent to do so. I can't imagine it's good for the long-term health of our relationship to see each other at almost all hours of the day and then be each others only friend. For me, I'm so ridiculously introverted that I really don't feel a compulsion to make friends but it's still something I think about now and then if only because it seems like a good idea. I really don't know what I'd do with friends that I actually want to do - I had some coworker friends that I often went out with for coffee or after dinner drinks, but I don't really care to do much more than that. Maybe board games? I dunno.

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Well I took a bit of advice from people here and emailed the student video games society to see if they're still active, and would accept me despite not being a student. It's a first step, and certainly not a last, but I miss the days of couch coop, or competition, and with SSB coming out soon, having a group of people to play with would be fantastic. 

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I feel like the no friends support group should be regularly meeting somewhere.

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Knowing this forum, the meeting place would be in some unpronounceable city in northern Europe, so I'm out. :(

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Thanks to all of you who have responded and shared your challenges with the whole friend thing. I've been pretty embarrassed to share this with other people and there is some comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one struggling with this issue. It really is unfortunate that we are spread out all over the globe because I think Idle Forums has fostered a great community of like-minded individuals and I have no doubt that many lasting friendships would be forged if there wasn't so much distance between most of us.

 

Also, Nachimir, I think that is some pretty solid advice you provided and I'm really going to try to make an effort to be more social and force myself to meet new people and do more stuff. 

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i moved a mere 40 minutes from my ma's house...where some of my oldest friends are still settled

 

But i hardly see anyone from around there because i have no desire to hang out at the bars & drinking/card/mario party my friday nights away.  

Subsequently i spend friday nights with my wife grocery shopping & playing mario kart

 

It was a slow transition where i used to get invited...to hardly called...to now a general exclusion.  It is somewhat demoralizing...except when looking at the root cause of problem is that I don't want to drink & drive home I feel pretty good about where I am in life - and wonder if they'll ever catch up.  If they don't then i guess see ya later...

 

 

As to keeping friends in weird stage of life though - it is seemingly very tricky, feels like more work than my wife some days.  Actively trying to get friends out & coordinate free time with their wives/gfs is seemingly impossible and will only get harder when kids are involved

 

One of my best friends accidentally bought a house down the street (both shopping same time, didnt find out that in same subdivision until were moving stuff) - and i hardly see him.  We setup dinner double-dates at each others houses 2-3 weeks in advance, and only a handful of times have we just "hung out" on a whim.

 

The guy works a lot, and his wife works for a nearby university so beginning of semesters are crazy, but sometimes picking time out is like planning a space launch.

 

 

*i've had this post up most of the morning and generally lost thought path.  Friends are hard, getting together is harder.  Fortunately my cats make good company

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I also left my life to live with my long distance girlfriend, now wife. We also work together, so we see each other pretty much ALL THE TIME. Due to that, I've been really encouraging her to spend time with a friend of hers even though she is reticent to do so. I can't imagine it's good for the long-term health of our relationship to see each other at almost all hours of the day and then be each others only friend. For me, I'm so ridiculously introverted that I really don't feel a compulsion to make friends but it's still something I think about now and then if only because it seems like a good idea. I really don't know what I'd do with friends that I actually want to do - I had some coworker friends that I often went out with for coffee or after dinner drinks, but I don't really care to do much more than that. Maybe board games? I dunno.

ctrl+c ctrl+v this for me. We also work together have lunch together every day. Which does seem like we isolate ourselves somewhat, but I'm horrendously bad at small talk when sitting with anyone else, and she isn't strong in Swedish, so we usually end up by ourselves or with our few acquaintances. 

 

We had a board game night, and it was a lot of fun, but then we never got around to schedule another, just like these things usually go. "Oh, we should do that again sometime!" "Yeah, we totally should!"

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My best, closest friends live 40 minutes away, and I think the last time I saw them was at a wedding in May. We had semi-plans to meet up this week for dinner, and when I checked in he was like "oh we made other plans since we didn't hear from you".

 

I'm so glad that my softball team is really close with each other. The coworkers at my new job have been a breath of fresh air too, even if I'm hoping it's temporary before getting something more permanent.

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I've only made one friend (a coworker) since moving here and I haven't talked to him in at least a year. The only friend I had who already lived here is perpetually busy. We've been trying to go see a movie together since something like May, and he won't be free until at least mid-September.

 

 

...is Guardians of the Galaxy still gonna be on by then?

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Can I join the "no friends" support group?

 

After a dramatic decision to leave my life behind to go with my long-distance girlfriend one country over, we've had a hard time making friends in the small town we ended up in. We have some acquaintances at work we have lunch and occasional drinks with, but no real friends.

 

We're trying to get back to Norway, but man, it's hard. And meanwhile we're staying at home, playing games and watching Netflix, without someone to talk to but each other. 

 

 

I also left my life to live with my long distance girlfriend, now wife. We also work together, so we see each other pretty much ALL THE TIME. Due to that, I've been really encouraging her to spend time with a friend of hers even though she is reticent to do so. I can't imagine it's good for the long-term health of our relationship to see each other at almost all hours of the day and then be each others only friend. For me, I'm so ridiculously introverted that I really don't feel a compulsion to make friends but it's still something I think about now and then if only because it seems like a good idea. I really don't know what I'd do with friends that I actually want to do - I had some coworker friends that I often went out with for coffee or after dinner drinks, but I don't really care to do much more than that. Maybe board games? I dunno.

This feels a lot like my roommate and I. I graduated college, and moved back to the side of the country I grew up in, but still super far away from where I grew up and everyone I know. I convinced an old high school friend to move out with me so I could afford rent and not be alone. We joked that we should consider getting some kind of civil union thing going on. I actually do feel it's prepared me for more serious relationships. But we're often a little on edge. It doesn't help that we share a 1 bedroom, 1 bath. I really really hope we can get a 2br place soon because it's starting to drive me nuts. I'm introverted but also learned to force myself out into social situations and so I've sort of started making more friends but not really yet. My roommate doesn't really know anyone but me in town and I'm sometimes worried about him. I'm sort of considering grad school just so I can find some new friends, hahaha

 

We should all get ridonkulous rifts and meet up in real virtual life.

I'm actually thinking about getting a rift soon maybe, for "career" reasons (that's my excuse at least). Until then there's always Second Life!!!

Also speaking of Second Life and weird social games, has anyone heard of Worlds? It's a weird experimental MMO from the 90s that's still going, if you can manage to get it to run on your computer. I think I will email the Thumbs about this. 

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I've been thinking about detailed character building in RPGs and how I have this anxiety about making terrible builds. I'm prone to play a little bit of one until I'm forced to make a decision, whereupon I'll stop the game and spend far too much time looking for guides that will make those decisions for me. It's not that I'm a perfectionist, it's rather that I don't want to find myself hours into the game and find that I've screwed myself over with decisions I made earlier. I'll even agonize over wondering if I've picked the right guide to follow. Thinking about this has led me to an epiphany about myself.

 

I've been directionless for about 5 years now and I think it's because of this anxiety of making bad decisions; the idea that I'll have wasted time. This fear isn't completely unfounded. I spent a lot of time in my early to mid 20's working with kids in various capacities (YMCA, in-class tutor, after-school programs, caregiver to special needs kid) thinking I would work with children. Then one day I woke up and realized I didn't have the patience for them.

 

I ended up with an English degree I had no idea what to do with and worked as a janitor. I'm now unemployed and my car officially gave up on me at the beginning of the year, so I don't have that either. I've considered a variety of careers and know I'm capable of doing any one of them, but I find that anxiety of making bad decisions creeping up on me. For instance, I've currently taken to tailoring as my grandpa (a tailor himself) recently passed away and I love making things. When I think about trying to live off of that though, all I can see are the ways it can go wrong. I also have to deal with my immediate problems of having to pay for stuff that I need. So, blurgh.

 

On a tangential note, I also realized I have almost no interest in the idea of competing against other people, but love the idea of competing against myself, I think this is why I'm prone to learn things on my own like playing guitar, developing websites or even tailoring. The only challenge I'm into is challenging me.

 

Not sure what to do with either of these revelations- just wanted to vent them.

 

Now to apply to more jobs to get rejected from. :/

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I've been thinking about detailed character building in RPGs and how I have this anxiety about making terrible builds. I'm prone to play a little bit of one until I'm forced to make a decision, whereupon I'll stop the game and spend far too much time looking for guides that will make those decisions for me. It's not that I'm a perfectionist, it's rather that I don't want to find myself hours into the game and find that I've screwed myself over with decisions I made earlier. I'll even agonize over wondering if I've picked the right guide to follow. Thinking about this has led me to an epiphany about myself.

 

I've been directionless for about 5 years now and I think it's because of this anxiety of making bad decisions; the idea that I'll have wasted time. 

 

Oh goddammit I do this too but didn't realise it.

 

And then I end up making bad decisions anyway because I tried to avoid them earlier.

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I'm glad I wasn't the one to say that :P

 

ps. If any of you are looking to meet people in the lower mainland of british columbia, my mom says I'm pretty cool

 

I'll drop by next time I'm driving through to Victoria to visit my folks.

 

For serious, how come Canada's gotta be so big? I know there are a bunch of Canadian thumbs, and most of you seem pretty cool, but I'm only vaguely aware that any other Albertans exist on here at all, and if a meetup were to try to be arranged it would be logistically impossible. Bullshit.

 

As for friends, against all odds I've maintained a board game night with roughly the same group of dudes since tenth grade (now 11 years ago). This group has stuck through all of high school, bachelor's degrees, and a couple of master's degrees for the group, and has moved from a dude's mom's basement to a bunch of rental places to a nice condo recently purchased by a member of the group who is now a successful engineer. I've made other friends since, but this board game group has stuck. Hell, one of us lives in Alaska now but he still stops by the board game night unannounced if he happens to be in town, just because he knows it's going on (as happened two weeks ago). These however are people I've known for about 15 years, since moving to Calgary. As for making new friends, I have no damn idea. Aside from coworkers, I've barely met anyone new in years. The person who would most likely qualify as my newest friend is a guy who I met at a coworker's birthday party who I had taken a bunch of classes with in our bachelor's program four years ago and started talking about life-after-school with. I invited him to game night, and he's found his way into the group now. I guess that's a new friend, but it's also a classmate and buddy-of-a-coworker first, so it's not like this was a sudden "HEY WE SHOULD HANG OUT" thing. Hell, we hung out one-on-one for the first time about 5 years after meeting each other. New friends are scary, y'all.

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For serious, how come Canada's gotta be so big? I know there are a bunch of Canadian thumbs, and most of you seem pretty cool, but I'm only vaguely aware that any other Albertans exist on here at all, and if a meetup were to try to be arranged it would be logistically impossible. Bullshit.

 

Well, America's hat has to be pretty wide to cover that big head of ours.

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I just got home from a board game day, put all my games on my bed, got a glass of water, then came back and sat down full-weight on the rarest and most out-of-print of those games. An hour later, I'm (really not) done being mad at myself, but it's really interesting how the feeling of cardboard being crushed under my ass codified all these vague feelings I came home having into the realization that I've had a really bad day for no good reason.

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For the first time ever since the collapse of the Soviet Union, I'm getting a bit scared that war in our small country is not out of the question. Although many Estonians have always had this fear of Russia during that time, I haven't really taken that seriously, but I'm starting to.

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