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I'm betting on a Lord Remo tattoo on the left shoulder.

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I'm going with gothic calligraphied "Subbes" around the left side of her neck.

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The letters c a b o t, spread across the underside of the toes of the left foot.

 

Or perhaps a full body tattoo. Go hard or go home.

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oMnCaIYl.jpg

 

Right calf.  Artwork by a classy person named Tara and tattoo by Doug Hardy (Ed Hardy's son).  I know both of 'em through a forum thread about cats.

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Fuck, I feel so fucking depressed and anxious right now, I feel I'm about to implode. Sorry for this deluge of emotions, but I feel I cannot express this anywhere else.

 

I feel worried for my academics. Though I like to learn things, I am absolutely lazy and procrastinating when it comes to actually engaging with homework and studying. I'm on academic probation now because of my last semester shitty grades and I've managed to completely fuck up by continuing the same shit I did last semester, with the added shitty bonus that I haven't been able to complete these certain mandatory assignments for this thing called "Project Success" that I have to complete. Now, I have to attend the second Seminar (the first which I missed because I fucking forgot and I'm lazy as shit) and I'm scared because I don't have anything done and my grades, though higher than last semester, are still fucking mediocre as all shit. I'm worried because this may affect my financial aid and since I'm a poor fucker who lives with a single immigrant mom who gets payed jack shit, I'm scared that I won't be able to continue studying here due to economic reasons.

 

Even worse is the fact that I may not even continue studying here because of my shit grades, and then I'd be breaking my mother's heart and have wasted both my time and her time, as well as her money in supporting my staying in this college. Fuck, I just hate studying and doing homework so much. Since I started high school, I have been lacking in motivation and desire to do any kind of homework or studying in anything, specially in sophomore year. Now, I feel those effects are coming back again,  and it's just been my first fucking year in college. Add the fact that I'm living with a horrendously piece of of shit gross misogynistic, sexist, racist, and fuck head roommate who plays WoW till 4 in the fucking morning who I cannot stand at all, and that I have garnered no friends or acquaintances to help or support me... I feel just fucking empty and scared and anxious that I won't be able to stay in this college because of my fucking idiocy. I feel I'm about to go absolutely nuts right now and I don't know what to do, I just don't fucking goddamn know and I'm crying like a bastard and cannot stop. 

 

I just don't know what to fucking do.

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I hear ya. I've failed university once through similar circumstances. It turned out I'd caught depression. I've gone back to uni - it's easier in Australia to put your life back together, because most of the big expenses (health, uni study) are mostly taken care of.

 

I have two assignments due tomorrow and Tuesday, and while I've started on them it's going to be a grind and my brain wants to do anything else but work.

 

The worst that will happen is that you'll have to take a second run at this, but a degree is no guarantee of success. The ability to get shit done, though, is definitely a skill, and one you'll have to learn, especially if you were particularly bright. Most smart kids run into a wall for just that reason - kids closer to the statistical average tend to sort their shit out during kindergarten.

 

I have two not particularly helpful suggestions to pull yourself out of the immediate fire: one, go for a run for at least an hour. Yes, you might not be able to run, but you need a release of endorphins right about now and you're just going to spend that hour coiling the problem over in your head. I suggest running in particular because if you're no good at it you're going to be spending a lot of mental energy on the pain your legs and lungs are feeling which is less to spend on your perfectly legitimate problems.

 

Two, get back, choose the smallest project, and set a 15 minute timer. You may not do anything else during that timer. When the timer expires, have a glass of water, or a toilet break. Set a 15 minute timer. Go again. 4 times in total. If the timer expires and you're in the middle of something, keep going.

 

There is no way past sitting down and grinding out work, so if you're going to make this a success, you are going to have to decide to get shit done, right here, right now. You've likely been letting things happen because this is what you are 'supposed' to do next, but clearly this is not working out for you. So: are you going to decide to work, and to learn how to, or are you going to withdraw from uni and go home, and sort yourself out emotionally (and financially) first.

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Someone pointed out to me that π Day is basically the same thing as the fetishisation of science that e.g. Portal engages in. No-one observes e Day or √2 Day, and both those numbers are just as important. It feels like tribalism; we flatter ourselves that we are the smart ones, because we observe π Day and call out SCIENCE!, when they are merely totems.

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Someone pointed out to me that π Day is basically the same thing as the fetishisation of science that e.g. Portal engages in. No-one observes e Day or √2 Day, and both those numbers are just as important. It feels like tribalism; we flatter ourselves that we are the smart ones, because we observe π Day and call out SCIENCE!, when they are merely totems.

 

I just had to check and make sure this wasnt the Intoxicated thread because this idea, brilliant as it is, also seems unsober.

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I just had to check and make sure this wasnt the Intoxicated thread because this idea, brilliant as it is, also seems unsober.

 

I'm Australian, if that helps.

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Someone pointed out to me that π Day is basically the same thing as the fetishisation of science that e.g. Portal engages in. No-one observes e Day or √2 Day, and both those numbers are just as important. It feels like tribalism; we flatter ourselves that we are the smart ones, because we observe π Day and call out SCIENCE!, when they are merely totems.

 

To an extent, I think you are right. There's absolutely a nerd culture springing up that loves the ideals of science much more than they love actually practicing any hard science. But then again, most people are really just applying the scientific method to engineer new things or to solve problems in different ways. And really, I think that's what is important anyway. Not everyone has the mental chops to be a full time scientist, but you can still apply their methods to your daily life. Celebrating pi day is just a way of saying you want to support that type of investigative and/or critical thinking. Complaining that you're not also celebrating a bunch of other days that correspond with mathematical constants just seems like pointless elitism to me.

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If it makes anyone feel better about any tribailsm about science I'm currently at the apex of a magnificent rush of old school sport tribalism.

My team just won vs 'the old rivals' and no matter how logical a person I want to think of myself as I just feel giddy, I fact probably the happiest I've been for a long, long time. All my worries about work, about relationships, about my life in general have just vanished(for now).

Just being part of a tribal group and celebrating something that matters to you is a incredibly intoxicating feeling. You feel part of something greater than yourself, elevated by the knowledge you are part of a group, and by the greatness of individuals you could never match yourself.

Side note: 0-3!

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Fuck, I feel so fucking depressed and anxious right now, I feel I'm about to implode. Sorry for this deluge of emotions, but I feel I cannot express this anywhere else.

 

I feel worried for my academics. Though I like to learn things, I am absolutely lazy and procrastinating when it comes to actually engaging with homework and studying. I'm on academic probation now because of my last semester shitty grades and I've managed to completely fuck up by continuing the same shit I did last semester, with the added shitty bonus that I haven't been able to complete these certain mandatory assignments for this thing called "Project Success" that I have to complete. Now, I have to attend the second Seminar (the first which I missed because I fucking forgot and I'm lazy as shit) and I'm scared because I don't have anything done and my grades, though higher than last semester, are still fucking mediocre as all shit. I'm worried because this may affect my financial aid and since I'm a poor fucker who lives with a single immigrant mom who gets payed jack shit, I'm scared that I won't be able to continue studying here due to economic reasons.

 

Even worse is the fact that I may not even continue studying here because of my shit grades, and then I'd be breaking my mother's heart and have wasted both my time and her time, as well as her money in supporting my staying in this college. Fuck, I just hate studying and doing homework so much. Since I started high school, I have been lacking in motivation and desire to do any kind of homework or studying in anything, specially in sophomore year. Now, I feel those effects are coming back again,  and it's just been my first fucking year in college. Add the fact that I'm living with a horrendously piece of of shit gross misogynistic, sexist, racist, and fuck head roommate who plays WoW till 4 in the fucking morning who I cannot stand at all, and that I have garnered no friends or acquaintances to help or support me... I feel just fucking empty and scared and anxious that I won't be able to stay in this college because of my fucking idiocy. I feel I'm about to go absolutely nuts right now and I don't know what to do, I just don't fucking goddamn know and I'm crying like a bastard and cannot stop. 

 

I just don't know what to fucking do.

 

Is what you're studying something that you actually have an interest in? Because I personally find it very easy to motivate myself if it's an area I love, but virtually impossible if it isn't. I wouldn't even dream of trying to do a degree in something I didn't have a 100% passion for because I know I'd fail. Your assertion that you hate studying definitely indicates you're studying the wrong thing.

 

If this is an issue of interest, then perhaps it's time to take a step back to figure out where you're ultimately trying to go with your life. What's the end game once you've got this degree, and how upset are you going to be that you can't do whatever it is this degree would qualify you to do? Forget what your mum, tutor, or whoever would think, and think for (and about) yourself — what do you want to do? Are you doing this degree just because others think you should?

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Whatever you do, don't get caught in the Sunk Cost Fallacy. Just because you've spent a bunch of money up until this point doesn't mean you should stay in Uni if it doesn't feel like it's for you. If you want to stay, then certainly fight for it, but don't stay for the wrong reasons.

 

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-the-sunk-cost-fallacy-makes-you-act-stupid.html

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Hmm, I'm having a devil of a time actually getting my thesis written, have for years and I bloody love the subject. The hardest thing is just honing your methods -- not research methods, methods of getting yourself to sit down and just do the work. Even though I remember how much I love the feeling of progress, it's very hard to work at that instead of shirking the responsibility somehow.

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I am sooo tired. Yesterday morning I went on a hot air balloon ride,for free! Well free in exchange for some photography. Except I go to bed late usually, and I had to get up at 6:40am for the balloon. Leave it to say I've had about 10 hours sleep over the last 60 hours of my life, and am somehow still muzzy despite caffeine now running through me.

 

Ohwell, it was fun and the photos came out fine:

 

traveler_by_tombofsoldier-d7ae3q1.png

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Fuck, I feel so fucking depressed and anxious right now, I feel I'm about to implode. Sorry for this deluge of emotions, but I feel I cannot express this anywhere else.

 

I feel worried for my academics. Though I like to learn things, I am absolutely lazy and procrastinating when it comes to actually engaging with homework and studying. I'm on academic probation now because of my last semester shitty grades and I've managed to completely fuck up by continuing the same shit I did last semester, with the added shitty bonus that I haven't been able to complete these certain mandatory assignments for this thing called "Project Success" that I have to complete. Now, I have to attend the second Seminar (the first which I missed because I fucking forgot and I'm lazy as shit) and I'm scared because I don't have anything done and my grades, though higher than last semester, are still fucking mediocre as all shit. I'm worried because this may affect my financial aid and since I'm a poor fucker who lives with a single immigrant mom who gets payed jack shit, I'm scared that I won't be able to continue studying here due to economic reasons.

 

Even worse is the fact that I may not even continue studying here because of my shit grades, and then I'd be breaking my mother's heart and have wasted both my time and her time, as well as her money in supporting my staying in this college. Fuck, I just hate studying and doing homework so much. Since I started high school, I have been lacking in motivation and desire to do any kind of homework or studying in anything, specially in sophomore year. Now, I feel those effects are coming back again,  and it's just been my first fucking year in college. Add the fact that I'm living with a horrendously piece of of shit gross misogynistic, sexist, racist, and fuck head roommate who plays WoW till 4 in the fucking morning who I cannot stand at all, and that I have garnered no friends or acquaintances to help or support me... I feel just fucking empty and scared and anxious that I won't be able to stay in this college because of my fucking idiocy. I feel I'm about to go absolutely nuts right now and I don't know what to do, I just don't fucking goddamn know and I'm crying like a bastard and cannot stop. 

 

I just don't know what to fucking do.

 

I was there during my sophomore year the first time around in college, much like you're describing.  There isn't a "right" answer for where you are.  I ended up dropping out part way through Fall semester to avoid failing multiple classes.  I was already on academic probation, and failing more classes likely would have resulted in me being kicked out anyways.  I took a few years off, had some jobs, got some partying out of my system.  And about 5 years later I went back.  The second time around I was calmer, more focused and more productive.  I made a lot of friends in my department, as I was more invested and active in the community of that department.  I didn't end up getting my bachelor's degree until right after I turned 30.  For me (and I stress this is so individual), leaving school for a few years was one of the best decisions I ever made.  But I know other people who powered through a period like this and made it. 

 

I will say that dropping out caused me to take a major hit to my self-esteem for a few years though.  My feelings of being a failure were magnified 10 fold.  I had never failed that bad at anything in my life prior to that point.  For a couple of years, I didn't think I would ever got back to school, that I would just do blue collar work and live in shitty apartments forever.  So my depression actually got much worse before I started improving.  I ultimately took a couple of night classes at a community college, which was a fabulous ego boost.  Not putting down people who go that route, but it reminded me that I actually am a pretty fucking smart dude and considerably more skilled than a lot of people who do make it through college. 

 

If you're feeling like you're actually clinically depressed, I'd also strongly suggest seeking help.  It's such a bullshit stigma in American culture, but the reality is that most of us go through times where professional counseling and the proper application of meds can help us. 

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I can't add much to Bjorn's post other than I went through something similar too. Lack of qualifications made me feel stupid and depressed for years, during which I also did low-paid, shitty jobs. Pursuing my interests in any spare time I had eventually made me realise that I'm quite smart, and has turned out well, leading to a heap of interesting people and jobs.

 

The only times I've felt what you describe in relation to studying, are those when I felt like I had to do something I really fundamentally didn't want to. It may be that making a decision resolves these feelings, or they may a be symptom of something deeper. If the latter, you should definitely think about where you can get some help.

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Man Cineaste, I can relate in my own way  :wacko:

 

I get bored too easily, I spent the last Econ class I was in, my major, half paying attention and looking at recently published physics papers. I nigh bombed out of the college I liked best for simple lack of motivation. The first class I failed was a GE political science course run by a machiavellian woman so inanely stupid I'm convinced to this day that Political Science is the least scientific, least useful subject on the planet. That PS as a major is the least hireable degree in the world may support my hypothesis, but it didn't help my grade or my lack of motivation to just drop the class when I had the time like I should've.

 

Motivation is a big thing, and if you don't have it feeling ashamed isn't going to give it to you. I'd say Bjorn has a point, if you feel like you need to drop out do so, and without feeling terrible about it. Plenty of people go back to college later in life now, it's become a common thing. Go back when you feel like you're ready and willing to do what it takes, from a positive point of view and not just because you feel pressured to do so.

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So around this time every year I entertain the notion of building a MAME cabinet. It always happens, but this time I've found cabinet plans that I like, I've worked out the logistics of modifying it to suit my needs; I've bookmarked places where I can buy cheap sheets of acrylic 'cause I'm too classy for plywood, I'm watching Youtube tutorials on how to cut and bend sheets of the stuff, I'm mentally figuring out how much of my old laptop I can salvage for parts and I'm staking out the local makerspace and I know what a dustwasher is and I'm asking a friend if he owns a tablesaw and GOD DAMN. WE ARE DOING THIS. WE ARE MAKING THIS HAPPEN.

 

 

 

 

 

...The plan I have in mind is a modified one of these, incidentally. It's meant to be cut from a single sheet of plywood, but I'm gonna' do it from larger pieces of acrylic so that I can have the arms holding the controls actually be part of the sides instead of being awkwardly bolted on.

 

iY8UagZ.jpg

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We found an apartment (well a town house anyway!) It ended up costing more than we were planning on spending, but I think we can balance the budget all right. It has an awesome kitchen and a great location, which I realized were the two most important things to me.

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Kind of flying by the seat of my pants right now. After breaking up with my ex a couple of months ago, I realised I fancied a new apartment and job. So I've got myself something nice and cosy even more central in Nottingham than I am already, and as I feel like my interest in my current project is coming to end decided to shoot my CV/resume across to a company's recruiter who'd been poking me for a while. To cut a long story short, I got the job. Yay!

 

First time I've ever dealt with trying to get into a truly big company, though. I'd never had a phone interview before, which thankfully went really well despite my iPhone hilariously deciding that its screen wasn't going to turn off while on the call, resulting in my face repeatedly putting the interviewer on hold. 'FOR FUCKS SAKE', I thought. Then the face-to-face interview ended with one of the two interviewers saying 'We'll be in touch tomorrow, it'll be good news'. Man, it was going great — all that happened within days of sending my CV across.

 

But then... the background checks. Over a week of waiting while they vetted me, which was properly tense because they'd offered me the job by this point but I didn't want to hand in my notice until the checks were done. I'm on a three-month notice (take away a few weeks with holidays), so any time waiting is undesirable. The checks finally came through OK on Friday, so I set up a meeting with my manager today and gave in my notice. Phew.

 

Now I'd better hope the new employer doesn't turn around and say 'That's a bit long for us to wait for you, never mind'. They shouldn't though because I was upfront about my notice, I just hope they didn't expect me to put my notice in immediately rather than after the vetting. Because that'd be crazy, right? 

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But then... the background checks. Over a week of waiting while they vetted me, which was properly tense because they'd offered me the job by this point but I didn't want to hand in my notice until the checks were done. I'm on a three-month notice (take away a few weeks with holidays), so any time waiting is undesirable. The checks finally came through OK on Friday, so I set up a meeting with my manager today and gave in my notice. Phew.

 

A three month notice is crazy long. 

 

Congrats on all the positive movements!

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