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I am my own VP of Fun.

 

Every day in the toilet at 3.30.

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Seems that I managed to quit smoking. It's been over two weeks since I last used any form of nicotine and I now only occasionally feel a desire to smoke (usually at times when I always used to smoke, like after a meal). On the other hand i've been feeling a bit depressed for the last couple of days :( The first two weeks of quitting were kind of awesome -- they were hard, but I felt a lot more things, both negative and positive, as if some numbness had disappeared, but now it seems to be creeping back.

 

Also there's a potential thing tomorrow, which kind of may change my life in a good way if it goes well, but I have no idea if it will. If it won't I just might get more depressed.

 

Also I've gained like 4 kilos since I quit, but I had just lost them recently so it isn't that bad.

 

[edit] this cheered me up a bit:

 

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I'll just leave this here.

I love how that video ends with "To Be Continued". Like really, how much more could there possibly be?

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Aw poop. I've been having trouble keeping up with my bills, and now I need to pay $360 on my phone/internet bill before the end of the month. OnO

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I think I got over it. Also the thing started out well...

It's nice to know that you might last a few more years and that you may be able to walk uphill at some point in the near future.

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Aw poop. I've been having trouble keeping up with my bills, and now I need to pay $360 on my phone/internet bill before the end of the month. OnO

As weird as this is, sometimes I fantasize about canceling my phone and internet for a little while. Some of my favorite experiences were had when I only had access to information I could walk to.

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I used to go to the library every single week.  I haven't done that in years.  Internet, phone, video games, and netflix take up all the time that I used to use just go to the library and browse through interesting shit. 

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Oh wow, the Banner Saga creative director just added me on Linkedin out of no where. I hope this means good things! If not, it still cheers me up.

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hey gerbs when you get a job there put in a good word for me thx bro

 

thumbs up

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I promise you I will if anything like that works out! Might need your real name at the point though or else I'll just go on and on about Twig.

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Haha yeah I'm just joking anyway. (I'M NOT JOKING I WOULD KILL TO WORK THERE.) Here's hoping it blossoms into something truly beautiful for you. U;

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I cleaned my apartment, did my laundry, and had a friend over. Outside of having to reroute a conversation to avoid a religious discussion, it was a pleasant day. But at the end of it, I still feel like butt.

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Erkki that made me laugh so much, adding pictures to the podcast just makes it better.

 

Also good job on the non smoking! 

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I have been incredibly anxious for the past week and I thought I was feeling better today, but then I started ruminating about work and jobs. I am terrified that i'm going to be unemployed soon and going through what Twig is going through, except without his abiity to program (I program through sheer willpower/trial-and-error/tenacity, not ability or talent).

 

(SAD SMILEY.)

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...there's another way to program?

Don't be silly. There is also the stack exchange googlefu school.

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Yeah that's what I was gonna say! You sound like a real programmer to me!

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Oh, I forgot that there's a lot of stackexchange in the mix, too.  I'm also many years behind the times (e.g. I still use PHP - and even worse, it's procedural php without a framework).

 

Tried learning Laravel a couple of weeks ago and got so completely fucking stuck because I couldn't conceptualise it at all.  

 

 

 

 

I think there's something terribly wrong with my brain.

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I used to find that living in Nottingham (about 800,000 people), I'd notice the small town mentality of people I tended to bump into in Derby (about 200,000); i.e. more conservative, more frequently racist or homophobic, and much less tolerant of anyone who looks or dresses differently. Having lived in London for a couple of months, I feel sort of the same way in Nottingham now and it's been making me really unhappy (In London and Brighton, I really love that most people dress a bit younger and no one really cares what you're wearing). It occurred to me a few months back that my company doesn't tie me to any particular location in the UK. I can't afford London or Brighton this year, so fuck it: I might as well give up on dating and go somewhere I can pursue my interests.

 

I'm contemplating moving to a much smaller town so I can do proper mountain biking more than once or twice a year. It has some of the best trails in the country in rideable distance, and someone is building a trail centre just outside of town too. There are interesting projects going on like this (they grow food in public planters and give it away to people who need it). Opinions from mountain bikers on various forums: "You might need a beard to fit in", "Loads of hippies", "Full of fucking Guardian readers". Sounds great :tup:

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Continuing on the general theme of this thread;

being unemployed sucks.

 

I just want to pay for school so I can stop being a stagnate piece of shit.

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I just woke up in the middle of the night and began throwing up. I feel scared.

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