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I'm currently enthralled in my Year 12 exams. I've got stacks of study to do, although the Thumb beckons me into it's warm embrace. I've already completed my English exam, with Maths (x2), Australian History, IT Applications and Physics left. I've got to write three speeches for various school events, along with an article for the school magazine. Money is a problem, so I've got to fire off some resumes and find a job for the summer holidays. I gotta get as much money as I can before uni starts next March. But apart from all that, life is great.

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My professional life's not going bad, but I'm at that lovely place where I've realized I should break up with my current girlfriend and should start figuring out the particulars. We're pretty compatible and I care about her a lot, but ever since she moved to Boston for her Ph.D a year or so back, we've gotten too busy for each other and fight more often than not. Under normal circumstances, I'd just try to make a quick clean split, except she's got a long history of depression and self-harm, so I'd prefer some delicacy, which is hardest to find in the midst of a break-up. I'm thinking of doing it when I visit for Christmas, as gross as that feels to contemplate.

Ugh. Anyway...

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Indeed. The package I bought was damn near worthless. Sure it includes two DVD's worth of game on them, but it's the piece of paper with (what is essentially) a Steam key on it that was worth something. And like all Steam keys, this "Origin" key could only be used once. And then it's forever tied to a single account.

Can't really ask for a refund from a charity shop :)

Ah, well.

Very similar thing happened to me! I bought Mirror's Edge and Dead Space from the local charity shop, and five seconds out of the door remembered they're both EA games and facepalmed. I haven't actually checked, but I'm pretty sure they'll be locked. I'm just hoping Prey, GTA3 and Tron 2.0 make up for it. Doom3 worked but Windows 7 seems to cause sound problems. (My charity shop had an amazing selection of PC games for about a month, nothing since then. I think I may have drained them.)

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Someone just moved into the house I'm renting out, and as I wrote down a sticky-note to myself to get insurance, I laughed at how I'm a "land lord". So thanks fr that, podcast.

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I just got my first permanent full-time job and it's significantly better than all the ones I've been turned down for over the last 6 months. Very chuffed!

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Hey everybody! Come quick! I have women trouble! Woo! (When was the last time that happened?)

Ok, so it's actually relationship trouble in the loosest possible sense: I'm not actually dating this girl, but I'm still kind of bent out of shape from what happened.

This girl has had a crush on me since April 2010 (when she friended me on Facebook, and became very chatty). I was unsure about her, but I decided to try and get to know her anyway. After much back and forth, pen palling, she even sent me a valentine's, over the next years, in which I was still unsure about her, I finally got to meet her in September of this year. Much to my astonishment, I found that she got under my skin. There was something there after all!

What's that you say? You hear wedding bells? Not so fast...

Unfortunately the day we got to spend together was my last day in her state, and I left the next day to continue my trip around the US. We kept in touch, and I found myself still thinking about her. About a week later, I decided to broach the subject and let her know how I was feeling (interested with a chance of romance), but she had cooled right down.

The cruel, cruel irony.

I know what you must be thinking: "Wow, you must REALLY suck in bed!" But no! We didn't sleep together (oddly enough). We didn't do anything besides have a (very) brief snog. (It didn't help that I was ill with a headcold when we met.)

When I told her how I felt, she just said she wasn't saying, "no", but she didn't know how she felt. There was a lot of pressure. Meeting me had been built up for too long (it's true that her entire family was super-keen to meet me). I was like, "Woah! I just like you. It's not that huge of a thing!" (but in a more polite way).

But since then, she's been distant. We still keep in touch, but only in a largely "how was your day?" kind of way.

It's very annoying.

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It sounds to me like there are a lot of preconceptions and fantasies on her side that she probably needs some time to reconcile with the actual reality of getting to meet you. The fact that her family is super-keen to meet you when you two barely know each other IRL suggests that she's put an unhealthy amount of emotional investment into this even before you guys met. I think it's reassuring that she's now taking some time to reassess the situation and take a breather, as it shows she has some self-control and common sense.

My advice is to leave her alone completely until she reopens lines of communication. It just feels like this is a big crazy see-saw of hot and cold, and it would probably be a good idea to take a bit of time for you both to reach room temperature before doing anything else. Also, it ensures you're not going into needy/stalkery territory. That said, if after a month you don't hear anything then you could get back in touch with her to see what's going on.

There's also the possibility that she just doesn't fancy you as much irl as she did online and is finding it difficult to let you down gently. In which case you'll probably get more honest answers if you've shown that you're mature enough to give her space and time and then come back later with the friendly, neutral question of where things stand.

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Very wise, Mr Ben. I think I'll take your advice... Although it's very annoying as I don't feel this way very often. I have a feeling she'll send me a polite text at some point, though. The last one she initiated wished me Happy Halloween, for example.

You know, it's actually already been a month of me being quite cool and only communicating at that level, now that I think about it. I guess that's why I felt it was time to broach the subject again.

Hmmm!

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You've read Captain Awkward before, right? Right??

*grumble grumble* Yes, you're all right. Luckily I've only been very cool and "everything is OK" so far, even though I came dangerously close to sending a "what's going on?" text. But dammit, if I don't know by December, I'm asking her outright. I do feel a little messed around here!

Thanks, guys!

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So I met a girl I've been talking to online at a dive bar in Columbia. I learned that I really throw off people's gaydar. The fact I kissed a guy didn't help I'm sure.

Fun night. Would do again.

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I'm in a slightly uncomfortable situation. I've been dating a woman, and three things have become apparent:

1. I feel less and less into her, and would rather be friends.

2. She feels excited and quite romantic toward me.

3. She's had a tough past, and is a very wounded and vulnerable person.

It's a bad mix of things. I've not led her on, but she seems to be throwing herself into it after not being involved with anyone for quite a while. Whenever things get physical, she's into it but can't do anything for more than about ten seconds without pulling back and closing down a little (this is not the reason I'm not so into her anymore; I just find those feelings slipping away the more we converse). We've not had sex, but have been in several situations that would lead to sex between most people. I've not actually found that frustrating, because I get the impression other guys have lied to her to get some, and her wellbeing seems far more important to me. Carrying this on would be bad, I think, for both of us. There seems to be no way out of this without hurting her in some way though.

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Be direct, be succinct, don't be a jerk, and don't be wishy-washy.

Here’s a script: "I’m glad we got together, but it just isn’t working for me, I’m sorry. [Optional: Can we not hang out for a good while and then pick this up down the road as friends?]"

Deflect any “Why” with “I’m sorry, it’s just not working for me.”

seriously i should just link to CaptainAwkward every time I post, i adore that site for "how do humans interact" questions

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The particular one at the top is a bit weird to me. That blog is so demanding of perfect behavior and just perfect awareness of how people feel and what they are trying to say in every situation. I mean, the approach they go for those horrible sexual abuse cases that are discussed on the blog is great, but I don't know if some guy who didn't manage to write his first serious relationship as a loss immediately deserves the same mode of response.

No one can know how to do these things exactly right the first time. The problem in that one is pretty common: If you're breaking up with someone (esp. after a long and serious relationship) and present the reasons as a list of specific problems, for many people it's natural to approach those as problems that need solving rather than accepting the relationship is over. That way is also not as direct and honest as it may seem, because there's probably a more fundamental reason for the breakup you're not mentioning. Such as "it's not working" or "I just don't have romantic feelings for you anymore", which have the benefit of actually getting the message across.

Uhm, this is not in reference to your thing, Nachimir, subbes' advice is perfect as far as I can judge these things. Just something that occurred to me earlier when I read that blog post on Captain Awkward.

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Nach, in my experience the only practical solution is for you to pack up your life in this country and sally forth into a kibbutz in northern Israel. This has worked for me on several occassions and I'm doing alright.

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*grumble grumble* Yes, you're all right. Luckily I've only been very cool and "everything is OK" so far, even though I came dangerously close to sending a "what's going on?" text. But dammit, if I don't know by December, I'm asking her outright. I do feel a little messed around here!

Thanks, guys!

Just think of it as a test. If you show any signs whatsoever of what she perceives as neediness (even if it's simply you wanting to know for sure if she's interested) then you lose. If you play it completely cool and barely hear from her ever again, you also lose. Girls!!!!! :tup:

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Just think of it as a test. If you show any signs whatsoever of what she perceives as neediness (even if it's simply you wanting to know for sure if she's interested) then you lose. If you play it completely cool and barely hear from her ever again, you also lose. Girls!!!!! :tup:

Is there some sort of achievement I can get from this?

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Thanks, you're all right and I know it. It's just the "Don't ever hurt people!" instinct fucking with me and making this so difficult.

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