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So I keep making this amateur artist mistake where I promise delivery of art assets sooner than is possible because I don't want to disappoint people with a long time estimate. I know the deal is ALWAYS to give a longer time estimate so you are always set up to deliver early, but I get worried I'm giving too long of an estimate.

There's the other thing where I feel like I could make my shorter time estimates if I could not procrastinate or get distracted when I should be working, even if I did put in a good 10 hours in a day. I guess I also feel like stressing myself out makes me work better but then I'm in for late nights of little sleep... like right now, where I'm reading this forum instead of finishing this crap for tomorrow.

I've really gotta figure out how to make this work for my personality type soon so that I can look super professional in all cases.

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Sometimes. I went on a 20 mile bike ride last week and still had a lot of burning rage. I'm bummed out this week, because not being ill or having a major event to do now gives me some time to process stuff.

I'll get over her, but I've realised what she did reaches right into how I trust other people. That might take a while to fix :(

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Sorry to hear everyone else is having kind of a bum week too. My boss didn't end up saying a word to me all weekend. Fucking coward. I'm still employed for the moment then. I'm really not sure how I feel about that now. All of this has made me realize that a two sentence email from this man has the potential to make me sick to my stomach with worry for two and a half days. I really need to get out. A coworker said that "that is what he wants. You're only giving him satisfaction," which caused me to have a bit of a think. I realized that if I let the fact that it's what he wants stop me from doing something I need to do, I'm being just as petty if not more so than he is. As such, it's not stopping me. He lost two major long-term (more than 3 years of reliable and regular rentals) clients this week due to his own incompetence too, so that'll definitely give me some fodder for my letter of resignation. The place is going to shit so fast it's almost funny.

Subbes, sorry to hear of tension between you and the hubby. Hope it works out for the best, whatever that may be. And Nach, I'm not surprised that it's sinking in late, but don't let that change the reasonable thinking that you had on the situation when it first happened too much. You were right there, even though it's feeling less so now that it's hitting you more. Hold onto what you can of that. Sometimes the cold rationality we have in a shock situation is us at our wisest, so keep it in mind despite how hard that may be. Good luck to both of you.

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"Well, it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees until you're almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you, and happiness will follow."

ALL RIGHT GUYS HERE GOES

You may or may not have worked out that I am amazing at avoiding discussing Deep and Meaningful Things, Especially Emotions. I learned from the best (scroll to "Cloud Cuckoo Lander" and I bet you can work it out). I'd estimate that even my husband and my best friend know, at the most, only about 75% of whats going on in my horrible little head at the time. This has caused problems.

In general, since my father got sick I have been doing quite badly in the brain-pan but cleverly not telling anyone because I don't want to mess up their day. Instead, I've been distracting myself self-destructively - between November and Christmas last year I half-heartedly took up smoking again, then quit; I spend my lunch hour driving around aimlessly trying not to think about things; I haven't exercised in months.

It turns out that it's generally not a good idea to bottle up horribleness, because then it sort of bubbles over into bad decisions and other rubbish and that makes a bigger mess of someone's day than just telling them you feel sad.

Anyway. I've decided to stop drinking for a month or so, and I'm trying to be more honest about how I feel (even though I'm quite concerned that I'll end up Tanu-ing).

tl;dr: subbes' marital strife is actually not so much marital strife as a "jesus christ, woman, perhaps you could tell people how you feel about things once in a while" episode.

Oh, also - I'm running a fever right now so the above might not actually make any sense. Bibble.

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That's not Tanu-ing, that's Speedy Desiato-ing!

Anyway, joking aside (we love you, Speedy! And also you, Tanu!), why the fuck don't you post this in the perfectly appropriate Life-topic every now and again? In the time you've been here you've been such a good sport, a great gagster and you deserve the full brunt of our combined therapeutic experience.

OK, we're all dilettants here.

The point is that it just won't do to have you go to pieces, because your MLSHK won't be updated anymore and we'd miss you terribly. So open up and get that load off your chest.

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Dudeeee.

Whenever I feel down, and I think it was mentioned above in this thread already... exercise helps. Even though I'm not overweight, I feel bad about myself when I am down, inside and out. Exercise makes you feel good inside and out - you get a sweet rush of feel-goodness, and you feel better about yourself on the outside and more confident socially. Also, doing stuff like climbing can be great because in addition to the exercise, you feel like you're learning a skill :)

So yeah, if you feel as down as you did in January 2011 ever again, try distracting yourself with exercise. Walking in the countryside is amazing, you'll see so many tiny critters and pieces of nature that will blow your mind and remind you that life is incredible. Get a glass-lined flask so that you can take coffee and it won't taste like flask!

Also I agree with Rodi. You should totally post in this thread when you're down. This thread warms my heart! And it will warm yours too. Probably.

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It's all coming out...

I'm also going through some tough times. I've been wrestling demons for a while but I think I've learned that my bouts of existential angst are actually pretty much bullshit, as real as they feel sometimes. At the time I'm convinced that my unhappiness is to do with the "meaningless of it all" (*faux faints*), but looking at my own patterns, really it's entirely to do with me feeling unhappy about my life. For the past three years.

So, in order words: Happiness == Happy to be alive. (Duh! *slaps forehead*) This may seem like an obvious thing to an outsider, but it's something I've just had to realise (remember). Feeling disconnected makes me feel worse about everything, whereas feeling good (i.e. connected) makes me feel much better and able to come to terms with anything.

Now... to try and fix my unsatisfying life before my next bout. (Not likely.)

Oh to feel like my life was actually going somewhere!

In other news, my date for this evening "postponed", and has ignored my texts asking when we might reschedule. Ah, well. I'm not actually all that upset about it, as I didn't really know her, and it all came about very easily, which makes me feel that it will again.

I wouldn't have minded some rumpy pumpy, though. (Not that I'm the type of guy who goes in for one night stands, but feeling the excitement that comes from closeness would have been a lovely distraction -- however superficial.)

Edited by ThunderPeel2001

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I know what you mean, TP, anxiety and worry and depression are kind of like gravity. They pull harder the heavier you are, so if you're already unhappy about some things, other things make you more unhappy. It's somewhat unfair that it all snowballs that way, but it genuinely does seem to be the case. It's so much easier to shrug existential worries (or whatever else is bothering you) off when other things in life are going well.

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Boy, do I understand the feeling of life not going anywere and being stuck in muddy water (actually most of us will feel this or have felt it).

Perhaps it's a good idea to define what it is you actually want from life at this point, and then take real steps towards that. Exempli gratia, I want to boost my career and move to a proper independent home. To that end, I'm now actively seeking employment abroad, forcing me out of the rut I've worked myself into here. A complete paradigm shift is sometimes just what the doctor ordered - though one should take care you're not doing it to run away from problems or responsibility.

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Wow, now I don't feel so awkward about my major breakdown confessions months ago on this thread as it seems a lot of you guys deal with the same. Kindred thumbs, man.

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That's not Tanu-ing, that's Speedy Desiato-ing!

Well that's just made my day A WHOLE GODDAMN LOT BETTER RODI. THANKS, DICK.

In other news, looks like I kinda HAVE to go training in the morning now eh? Jesus.

(ps: i love you all and am actually in a pretty good place right now. I've been feeling relatively shitty in the past week about things that I've discussed in here before, but exercise has helped majorly :) )

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Dude, post and bring us all up a bit! With everyone worrying about stuff right now, happy thoughts from a young thumb may help us out.

Subbes, I just wrote a whole bunch about being the partner of someone with severe chronic depression but thought better of putting it on a public forum. I'll just say that, if the bad thoughts have been going on as long as you imply, I've spent a lot of time on the "supportive partner" side of the equation that your partner is on and understand a negative reaction from your him. The main gist of the whole thing was to emphasize that the frustration is born of worry which is in turn born of love. I'm sure you understand that already, but just in case. I hope you guys work it out sooner rather than later.

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I'm doing pretty well. Though our flat is a bit messy.

:getmecoat

EDIT: Dammit, Thompson decided to hit the exact same humorous beat and did it before me :/

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(ps: i love you all and am actually in a pretty good place right now. I've been feeling relatively shitty in the past week about things that I've discussed in here before, but exercise has helped majorly :) )

(Good to hear! Don't ever feel bad about posting stuff here, we love it (and love hearing everyone's troubles!) :))

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To fully understand the story you'll need to understand a little bit about our school system. Our last two years of school before university happen at Senior Secondary Colleges and are year 11 and 12. The thing you typically get from completing year 12 is called a VCE (Victorian Certificate of Education) and that will come with an ATAR (Australian Tertiary Admission Rank), which is a percentage score out of 100.

So for instance you might graduate Senior Secondary having done a VCE of English, Physics, Maths, Psychology, IT and Business Management and get an ATAR of 85. University courses will have pre-requisite VCE courses and ATAR levels; this person will probably qualify for a Science degree given their 85 ATAR and Maths and Physics courses.

With that out of the way, here's my story.

I've always had trouble with school, ever since primary school i've been bullied pretty severely and have become introverted and anxious. My attendance level has always been terrible, missing probably two or three days a week, as a result I had to leave mainstream school at year 8 and did Distance Education until year 11 came around. I decided to give school another go since I wanted to try and be normal, unfortunately it didn't go so well. My attendance was pretty bad and it all came to a head when one particular bullying event occurred that had a huge impact on me, needless to say, I left school.

I became depressed and hopeless, and did very little for a year, basically just living at home and not making any solid plans. All of this was pretty hard on my parents and it ended up with both my parents going to psychologists and me going to a psychiatrist in Melbourne. Eventually, after another half a year I recovered enough to make the decision that I would try out this thing called NETschool.

What NETschool is is an initiative started by a woman who realized just how many young mothers and rejects like myself ended up with no way to get an education, no matter how much they might want to. She got funding from the government to create NETschool as a department of my Senior Secondary and began taking in students. The idea is that they can make special allowances for their students to extend they VCE courses from the typical two years out to three or even four years, and to generally be a supportive environment for people to come in and try to get back on track.

I did home-based NETschool for the last half of last year and this year i'm doing center-based, which means I go in there every day and use it as a base where I can go between, after and before classes to do work and hang out. The mentors each have a group of 6-8 students that they look after personally, and it ends up being a much more supportive and collaborative environment where I actually feel like I fit in. It's like working in an office, except it's full of people you like and everyone is in the same boat, each with their own problems but all helping each other.

Over the last half year my self-confidence has been building rapidly and I feel like I'm figuring out how I am. So this is my first week of center-based and it's been going amazing, I'm feeling super positive about everything and I'm actually enjoying school. It feels wrong, but it's a hell of a lot more enjoyable than sitting around on the computer doing nothing all day.

It's the first time I've felt good in years, and it's the best I've ever felt in my life.

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Your avatar makes that comment, like, x10 better.

I've got a shitload to deal with too, but I thought I'd relay this funny story that just happened to me: a friend and I were talking about acronyms and I mentioned the most ridiculous one I know (Trails in the Sky), only for my friend to go silent, me to explain it, notice his continued silence and to consequently turn around and see the girl I like looking at me with this expression on her face: :eek:

I may have blew my chances with her to smithereens and then blew-up the smithereens to baby smithereens, but it was worth it for this reason alone: I don't think I can ever feel embarrassed again, as nothing will ever top this. It's also pretty funny, I guess. I know I'll be able to laugh about it once I get over the cringe.

:grin: My face for this day.

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Man, that's like the perfect opening for conversation. At that point, you can go no lower, and might as well roll with it.

says the guy without a hope in the world

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Ahh, but it's funny. You'd want a girl who finds that funny, surely? :P

If we're giving anecdotes from our days though, here's one from yesterday.

Walking back to town with a girl from my lecture (not one I'm sexually interested in, hurrah for me!) and she said something along the lines of "You could always buy me some chocolate." (joke)

I reply: "Well, there's a large range of things I COULD do, but there are an awful lot of them I don't plan on doing."

"Like what?"

"Well, killing you for example."

Her face went white and shocked.

"Oh, that's not that bad. My first thought was worse, be glad I didn't say that one out loud."

"What could be worse than killing?"

"I don't know,

rape?

"

Yeah, I don't know why I allow myself to talk sometimes.

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Ahh, but it's funny. You'd want a girl who finds that funny, surely? :P

If we're giving anecdotes from our days though, here's one from yesterday.

Walking back to town with a girl from my lecture (not one I'm sexually interested in, hurrah for me!) and she said something along the lines of "You could always buy me some chocolate." (joke)

I reply: "Well, there's a large range of things I COULD do, but there are an awful lot of them I don't plan on doing."

"Like what?"

"Well, killing you for example."

Her face went white and shocked.

"Oh, that's not that bad. My first thought was worse, be glad I didn't say that one out loud."

"What could be worse than killing?"

"I don't know,

rape?

"

Yeah, I don't know why I allow myself to talk sometimes.

If it helps, I laughed out loud reading that. (I also knew what it was without clicking the spoiler.)

Am I a terrible person?

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