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... So I left that project and I've probably burned some bridges now. I hope this doesn't hurt my credibility too much with these programmers I worked with and people they know, but my heart is not into it. ...

If you burned those bridges then they were shitty bridges anyway. Everybody in game development, specially indie and mod scene, should understand people leaving a project because of the reasons you mentioned. Specially for creative people, if they can't align with the art direction it is only going to have negative consequences. Besides, it's not like you're going home and taking your toys. Your contribution is still usable and counts.

Having been active for a long time in the modding community around the Unreal games, I've seen this a lot. People join and leave groups all the time. And the usual reasons were: I got hired by a (game) company (and for time and/or legal reasons I cannot continue), I don't see a future for myself in this project (conflict of interests, or crappy leadership). And usually this split was amicable. And in cases where it wasn't the whole project more or less died within a few weeks because other team members didn't want to work with those jerks.

Also you shouldn't feel bad about contributing to a game of poor quality. You learned stuff, and probably became better.

But he.. you're now working for one of those "social network game" companies. Creating the next mafia wars, bejeweled, sokoban, etc. \o/ You'll become rich

Edited by elmuerte

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Yeah, uh, when I was going to drive out to the woods last year to commit suicide[*] I wrote a note with a list of places on the internet to notify.

[*] Obviously I thought better of it, unless I'm some sort of zombie right now.

I'm gonna slap you around with that second paragraph if you try doing anything silly like that again >:/ Now who would I be going to for my silly internet pictures if you weren't around?

Also I want to hear Speedy's cupid problems. Cherubs can be a pain in the ass!

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It's kinda a long story, and I suddenly feel like that facebook douche who posts "Oh man I'm feeling so down." only to receive a reply: "What's up dude?" and then respond with "Nah don't want to talk about it."

Basically though, long story short: I like a lady who lives an awful long way away. We hung out over the weekend, and I had a swell time. However, being the emotional wreck I am, I'm now paranoid that (and I should mention here that she's previously admitted to liking me) I ruined things by being my own-gosh-darned self.

I say 'ruined things', but it's all kinda impossible anyway because there will be several more hundred miles between us when I head to Uni in less than a week.

So yeah, couple things: 1) I'm terrible at this sort of thing and 2) I get /way/ too emotionally attached /way/ too quickly. I don't necessarily need advice or anything, I guess I just need an outlet.

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At your age, you're supposed to be shit at those kinds of things. It's how you learn. :grin:

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As long as you're not creepy about it, girls tend to like honesty about emotions.

(Mostly. There's an exception-that-proves-the-rule thing with Being Supremely Mysterious, but that's very hard to pull off and only tends to work for a short period of time until it stops being mysterious and starts being irritating.)

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My advice? Be SUPREMELY mysterious.

Don't actually do that. My first date with my girlfriend of over four years, I wore nothing but dazzling gold underpants (Rocky Horror screening in costume). There was nothing mysterious after that.

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Sometimes it's insanely hard to be yourself. I had a girlfriend that I just couldn't be normal around. I would always be super jokey and in hindsight I'm thinking 'what the hell?'. I really don't know what happened there. Ennh, it happens.

What I'm saying is show up in glittering gold underpants, that shit is hot.

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I think my problem is that I'm myself way too quickly.

No such thing. I find that to be a good way not to waste time. Figure out if they will dig you right up front. If not, move on.

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Having been active for a long time in the modding community around the Unreal games, I've seen this a lot. People join and leave groups all the time. And the usual reasons were: I got hired by a (game) company (and for time and/or legal reasons I cannot continue), I don't see a future for myself in this project (conflict of interests, or crappy leadership). And usually this split was amicable. And in cases where it wasn't the whole project more or less died within a few weeks because other team members didn't want to work with those jerks.

Also you shouldn't feel bad about contributing to a game of poor quality. You learned stuff, and probably became better.

Thank you for all of that, it's been such a stressor the whole year, and it's good to hear I haven't messed big time alone. I think I did end up burning bridges and while some of these people have worked at Harmonix and have some major contacts, I think I can still do okay on my own, especially my new work friends. The lead designer is at least not too mad, for now I suppose.

I definitely did not see a future for myself in the project above all.

But he.. you're now working for one of those "social network game" companies. Creating the next mafia wars, bejeweled, sokoban, etc. \o/ You'll become rich

Haha, the neat thing is while the game that was created before I got here was a Farmville clone, it seems that the strategy right now for the company is to make JRPG type games and dominate that market. I think they are still testing the popularity of that idea. Unfortunately, I don't make anywhere as much money if I were working at Zynga instead.

P.S. What was it like working with PiratePoo...I heard he's a real hard ass in the boardroom?

It was great! Unfortunately I did not visit his bedroom... er, boardroom!

Re: The girl, in general, Speedy, I think if you can't be yourself around someone without stressing out, it might not be the right girl. However, it's probably more like you should be yourself, she probably loves it, and you can stop second guessing your personality!

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No such thing. I find that to be a good way not to waste time. Figure out if they will dig you right up front. If not, move on.

Turns out that my problem was hiding the fact that I'm younger than her. She now won't talk to me at all. This makes me horrendously sad.

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Replaced my (hopefully*) broken UPS today with a smaller one. A smaller one? yes, I didn't feel like hauling a 14kg UPS to home (about 10 minute walk). Besides, 700VA should be enough, old UPS was 1200VA but was also mean to sustain 2 machines for a few minutes.

*) yes, hopefully broken. Because if that sound didn't come from my old workstation, and not from my old UPS, then I will go insane.

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Turns out that my problem was hiding the fact that I'm younger than her. She now won't talk to me at all. This makes me horrendously sad.

I wouldn't let it get to you. If she won't talk to you at all because of something as silly as that, then I'd say she's pretty damned unreasonable... and so better off outside your life. There's plenty of genuinely lovely people out there.

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I wouldn't let it get to you. If she won't talk to you at all because of something as silly as that, then I'd say she's pretty damned unreasonable... and so better off outside your life. There's plenty of genuinely lovely people out there.

She is genuinely lovely, though. Probably feels like I betrayed her trust/confidence, and...

Oh god, I don't even know.

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Turns out that my problem was hiding the fact that I'm younger than her. She now won't talk to me at all. This makes me horrendously sad.

I have to agree with Thunderpeel here, that is a silly reason not to consider someone to be in your dating pool. But hey, everybody has their dealbreakers, and if that's hers, then oh well.

Telling her your real age later or right away or never would not have made any difference, if that makes you feel better.

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She is genuinely lovely, though. Probably feels like I betrayed her trust/confidence, and...

Don't go and make absurd overarching statements like "I ruined things". She feels how she feels at the moment. It seems totally unreasonable to not talk to someone because they lied about their age. Whatever is going on, if she genuinely lovely, then she'll talk to you at some point and your relationship will resume. I imagine time will change things.

Anyway, bottom line: Don't beat yourself up over this. Really.

I'm sending you a link.

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Maybe she just doesn't want to break the law.

(What I'm saying is, jaiiiilbaaaaait.)

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It's annoying that you don't absorb artistry from fine art as you do from reading literature.

I'm not saying that the Old Masters et al haven't got anything to teach, but it's just that fine art have a component of motoric and spatial skill that writing doesn't (or if it does, it is eradicated in the finished "product").

I wish I could paint a Rubens or a Goya, or for that matter a Turner or *****. Oh well.

P. S. It would also be nice to absorb Keith Jarrett while listening to music... It's interesting how these different disciplines of art are connected differently (just thinking about the actual physical feat required: reading/writing - viewing/painting - listening/playing the piano. There seems to be something going on here, as one can argue that listening is the thing that is easiest to do, while viewing art and especially reading requires more attention and energy.

The forum filter seems to ruin Francis вacoп...

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I'm finally back from the therapist and... it's didn't help out as much as I expected.

It was nice to have someone finally notice and acknowledge how ridiculously stressed and anxious I am and he did say I'd feel better once I got a job that wasn't with my father and he even told me I should try to bring my father with me, but...

But he didn't say anything on how to deal with how I feel... What? No mantras? No affirmations? No sugarpills? NOTHING?!

I just filled the "unemployment" paperwork the other day, but since I work for a self employed person, I don't get payed unemployment... I'm not sure if I should get a severance pay, but since my father fired me because he can't afford me, I'd be a dick move to ask my family for severance....

Anyway, I might not get any money, but the first thing I'll do next month is go to the unemployment office and get employment orientation and as many courses as they'll let me have?

The funny thing is that now my father is discouraging me from getting a job, saying that I'm likely to get an asshole boss that will make me cry.... I'm already with a boss that makes me cry, at least if I get another boss that makes me cry I can probably sue him...or punch him... at least he wouldn't be family!

A part of me is hopeful and excited, the rest of me is in panic mode.... My chest still feels like it's about to burst 24/7...

I convinced myself to do some pixel fanart to cheer me up and... of course... the Universe said NOPE! and killed my PC, since I'm unemployed and my PC is under warranty, I'm using the family laptop.... which is so slow it feels like Windows 3.11....

I'm just happy I didn't have another breakdown when it happened!:tup:

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I'm finally back from the therapist and... it's didn't help out as much as I expected.

One visit isn't going to fix everything. The therapist is likely still assessing things too. Give it time, these kind of problems can't be fixed fast.

The funny thing is that now my father is discouraging me from getting a job, saying that I'm likely to get an asshole boss that will make me cry....

This advice from your father is terrible :(. This though:

the first thing I'll do next month is go to the unemployment office and get employment orientation and as many courses as they'll let me have?

Sounds like a good plan.

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Yeah... I know it takes time, but the stress is making me lose weight fast, which is kinda worrying...

Oh, I know my father's advice is terrible, I never listen to him, this is the man who thinks opening a store he knows nothing about in a dying market is a good idea... (I could go on forever on is bad ideas)

I'm going to take as many courses as they let me, I know I won't magically get a job, but at least I'll get to meet some people and maybe make some friends and last time I remembered they had one for people with self esteem problems? Although I don't think you have to be unemployed for that?:erm:

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