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Ffffhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrfhhhhhhhf.

Still can't believe he's dead.

Also, broke my trousers.

(But that hardly seems much of an issue now.)

Trousers are essential to mental health. (Or something.)

I somehow didn't notice your original post Subbes, so many days late, my condolences.

Every year I live it seems like I'm getting more and more opportunities to realize "Oh wait, I'm going to die eventually, no, I'm not invincible."

I don't like that.

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Yeah, I keep thinking I've come to terms with my own mortality and the ever-present grim spectre of PHAEDRUS Death, but learning I haven't. And it's something that everyone goes through, so it's not like it's particularly interesting or funny to talk about.

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Yeah, I keep thinking I've come to terms with my own mortality and the ever-present grim spectre of PHAEDRUS Death, but learning I haven't. And it's something that everyone goes through, so it's not like it's particularly interesting or funny to talk about.

It's a miserable experience. I don't think it's possible to ever intellectually completely come to terms with your own mortality. And note: You shouldn't ever really attempt to while you're unemployed and spending 90% of your time alone (hindsight is wonderful thing). If you're feeling overwhelmed, I think the most important thing is to focus on life and living, and not spend time dwelling on something that. Notice if you're being overly negative and stop yourself.

In dark moments (when I've found myself dwelling on such thoughts for far too long) focussing on living and keeping good personal relationships have helped lift me, and helped me stay on what's important: Enjoying my life, and paying attention to the lives of those around me. After all, surely focussing on life is more important than focussing on death.

Also, Zen Buddhism has been a great friend when I've needed it.

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My issue with death isn't so much ohgodi'mgonnadiesomeday... it's more that there will literally never be enough time for me to do everything I want to do, and also that 99% of what I want to do involves nothing that I'm doing right now, and there's no way I can change that, because what I want to do (travel the world and see EVERYTHING, also learn more and more about all kinds of things, etc.) costs money. MONEY. I am not afraid of death itself in the slightest, because I accept it as an inevitability.

Unless of course we find a cure for aging before I die. In which case, I will finally be afraid of death, because it will have meant I died of unnatural causes, and that means I COULD have done more, but got screwed out of it.

Then again, I'm only 24 years old, so it's not like I've ever done anything with my life. I'm still in school (master's degree)! So sick of school!

:fart:

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For some strange reason, the upstairs neighbors hanged their clothes to dry without clothespins.

Some of it obviously fell off to an area that pretty hard to access, so...

I fashioned a makeshift grappling hook out of hooks, sticking plaster and well... hooks! I'd hate to admit it, but rescuing those clothes was fun!

Seeing my "invention" work, throwing the rope and swinging it so it could access those hard to reach places.... it was almost like a video game?

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Car viewing off, too many inconsistencies with the V5 etc. Now going to have to revise my budget upwards. Boo.

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For some strange reason, the upstairs neighbors hanged their clothes to dry without clothespins.

Some of it obviously fell off to an area that pretty hard to access, so...

I fashioned a makeshift grappling hook out of hooks, sticking plaster and well... hooks! I'd hate to admit it, but rescuing those clothes was fun!

Seeing my "invention" work, throwing the rope and swinging it so it could access those hard to reach places.... it was almost like a video game?

If it was a game, you would have combined the tong of a three headed monkey and a banana to create the graplinghook

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If it was a game, you would have combined the tong of a three headed monkey and a banana to create the graplinghook

No, no, no... that wouldn't work! You'd need some honey to get some cat hair to make a disguise to fool the three headed monkey into giving you the thong...

I'm also pretty sure the only banana tree is guarded by a Don Knotts goblin. :tdown:

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Got out of hospital yesterday, had to have 2 wisdom and teeth a molar taken out of my face. My face was still partially numb when I went to bed, but now the numbness is gone and the pain has come instead. Panadeine Forte is my friend. (High concentration codeine tablets for you Americans.)

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I complain a lot about how I have a mutant mouth and am missing and will never grow like 9 or 10 adult teeth, but I'm so glad four of those are my wisdom teeth.

Going to the dentist sucks.

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Upper left wisdom, lower left wisdom and upper right molar.

The molar got taken out because it was never going to fully erupt and also had a wisdom tooth above it, now that the molar is gone there's a good chance that the wisdom tooth will come down and do what the molar should have in the first place. So hopefully i'll have an actual useful wisdom tooth.

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Just found out an internet not-quite-chum-but-a-bit-more-than-acquaintance died on the 12th. He was the same age as me.

This is not cool. :tdown:

With the medical problems i have had, i had the experience of being in a hospital in intensive care and awol from several online communities, only to get out and find that there were people trying to figure out how to get in contact with me to find out if something had gone wrong.

Having, in that span of time, come very close to dying on several occasions, it was an interesting realization to have that there would have been a not insignificant number of people to whom i would have simply just stopped communicating with for no evident reason.

I wasn't really sure how to feel about it. That i apparently mean enough to some people i have never met in person to cause that kind of concern, but that i have kept my relationships so impersonal that they weren't able to get in touch with me.

The internet is weird.

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I've thought about that quite a bit actually, I feel like I should have some note or something that my family can use to get onto my computer and post a thing on a list of sites so that people would know what happened to me.

It's very weird.

Edited by Thompson

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Now i'm thinking that there's an awful lot of people who i've known through the internet over the years that simply dropped out of communication, with me never giving it a second thought.

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There are some, albeit very few, people I know exclusively through the internet about whom I would be worried if they suddenly disappeared without another word, and I'm fairly certain they feel similarly.

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So.... My PC's power supply died the other day and since I'm kinda fired.... (I'll still have to work though) and it's still under warranty I'm going to have to take it somewhere to get it fixed, except...

The place where I bought it now only exists as an online store, so I'm no longer sure they'll cover my warranty or if they do where to take it?

Bad news comes in threes, right? I'm "fired", I've had an anxiety attack and my PC is dead, so here's hoping things don't get any worse...

My parent's laptop feels like it's running Windows 3.11 and it's only good for browsing, but at least I have my PSP to keep me entertained until it's fixed?

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How about starting to receive spam e-mail from a friend who died 10 years ago. Happend to me.

I guess they recycle e-mail addresses after a while.

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I'm kinda fired.... (I'll still have to work though)

This doesn't parse. Your parents "fired" you but you still have to work for them? Explain.

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Yeah, uh, when I was going to drive out to the woods last year to commit suicide[*] I wrote a note with a list of places on the internet to notify.

[*] Obviously I thought better of it, unless I'm some sort of zombie right now.

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. . . unless I'm some sort of zombie right now.

Only the undead could come up with such entertaining signatures, so I don't really mind that.

I mean, if you have a problem with it, that's probably a bad thing, but just keep feeding me the funny.

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just keep feeding me the funny

I have a strict "3 funnies per mouthful of branes" policy.

Ooh actually that reminds me, time to update my sig.

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This doesn't parse. Your parents "fired" you but you still have to work for them? Explain.

Well, they think I'll magically find a job if I'm unemployed, but while I'm unemployed, they'll still make me work for them in my free time...

Heck, even when I had a job that wasn't with them I had to work for them a few hours the moment I got back from work.

The only difference is that now instead of getting social security, they'll put money in a pension plan and little to nothing else...

According to them, I can't even get whatever payment unemployed people get because it's a small business?

Either way, I'll figure out the truth once I'm officially fired and go to the employment office.

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So I'm going to put this long post here to get this off my chest because I really like you guys and I have a sort of anonymity here.

I just resigned from the (really bad) indie RPG game I posted about a few dozen pages earlier after promising for months that I'd finish up my end. I thought I was nearly done but then I finally got a paying job at a Facebook game company that still produces crap I'm not that into, but I get paid and work with artists I can really learn from and who I appreciate very much so far. They have all been great to me since starting and have introduced me to many new people in the city and I fear (in a good way) that I may have actually become friends with people I work with for the first time ever.

The indie game was just too taxing. I hated the art direction, I was unhappy with the art I was doing for it the last six months, the scope of the project was just out of control, the game never became better or more playable and I was supposed to care all the while at the same time doing 60-80 hours a week at my new job (a cram that is supposed to stop after next month... hopefully).

Before that, being unemployed, I was struggling to finish my work on the project even still, dealing with a bunch of ridiculous personal junk exacerbated by my inability to find a job. This was at the same time of fishing for connections and trying to be professional and show my portfolio at the same time of being extremely mentally unstable. I was out to really hurt myself in last April and checked myself into a state emergency psych ward May. I ended up diagnosed with bipolar II and had to hang out in a strange clinic to be monitored for a week with some strange people, homeless people, helpful people, and sad people. Some had hope, some were beyond help. It was incredibly eye opening and made me feel like such a brat while at the same time realizing there's not a ton setting us all apart as people emotionally. I bonded with another artist my age who admittedly wasn't that good and had a ways to go. He really did not understand my frustration with my own lack of ability. He was still really wanting to find a job and put an end to his homelessness. I hope he's okay...

Things seem to be more stable now than ever in my life, but I've gotta start doing things for my own enjoyment and reduce whatever anxiety possible.

So I left that project and I've probably burned some bridges now. I hope this doesn't hurt my credibility too much with these programmers I worked with and people they know, but my heart is not into it. I definitely realized this when doing minor work for PiratePoo on his iPhone game (hope you don't mind me naming you!) and enjoying myself the whole time. It was short and incredibly sweet. There was also a Facebook RPG released by my company shortly after my employment started there and it is eons ahead of the project I was doing work on. I just felt like such an idiot for contributing to a game that was at the level of a bad Windows 95 game.

So maybe my future free time will be spent finishing this animation I started with intent to finish or starting some comic and scanning the pages online for fun. There's a designer at work who does a bunch of little experiments for games in MMF which I offered to help with art on at some point. He assured me he had no grandiose schemes of getting rich or making things with a huge scope, so maybe that'll be worth my time.

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