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Man, I feel terrible for you both Miffy and Orv. I really hope things pull themselves together for you.

On my own fuck-I'm-depressed note, I recently (and I don't know why) became incredibly preoccupied with the concept of dying. It's literally all I can think about - It feels so scary, so permanent, I keep having anxiety attacks and my chest feels like I can hardly breathe.

I think it's due to the fact that my exam results are released in 11 days, letting me know if I got into university or not. With nothing else to do until then, I just guess my overactive imagination has chosen to occupy itself with thoughts of my death.

Yeah, it's not nice. I'm only 18 - I'd much rather have all this bullshit when I'm 80. (Well, I plan on living til at least 107, so maybe when I'm 106).

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Really sorry to hear all that, Orvidos and Miffy.

--

Speedy: I was raised by religious lunatics telling I would live forever, then had to come to terms with mortality in my late teens. Not sure if this will help you or not, but mortality drives me away from complacency. Every day is more precious, given that I only have a finite number of them. Spending them worrying about death is no way to go about creating good days.

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realizing that most of the music I enjoy was made before I was born is making me feel incredibly old.

WAIT! This should make you feel young! If you were looking back on the music you listened to when you were a teenager and wishing music nowadays were that good, that should make you feel old.

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How about some good news?

I got results back from my MRI, and it generally tells the story that my health is continuing to improve.

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Out of professional curiosity, can I ask, what was the diagnosis?

I don't really want to get too into it on a public board, but I never really got a clear diagnosis. I had a bunch of doctors and another half dozen specialists telling me that i was a medical mystery. The MRI was to monitor enlarged lymph nodes and an enlarged spleen, which are both settling down.

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WAIT! This should make you feel young! If you were looking back on the music you listened to when you were a teenager and wishing music nowadays were that good, that should make you feel old.

Drunk logic is best logic. :grin: But no, the old bit was mainly sparked by digging around my profile on this here forum and realizing, "Wait. . .I may feel like I'm 57, but I'm definitely only 27" Still, with health issues, sometimes I just feel way past my age.

Thanks for the kind words guys, now if one of you knows a reliable hangover cure. . .

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Ok, I'm finding it really hard to cope right now. I'm going to go to the Doctor's tomorrow (again) and ask for some drugs. This seems like depression.

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Drunk logic is best logic. :grin: But no, the old bit was mainly sparked by digging around my profile on this here forum and realizing, "Wait. . .I may feel like I'm 57, but I'm definitely only 27" Still, with health issues, sometimes I just feel way past my age.

Thanks for the kind words guys, now if one of you knows a reliable hangover cure. . .

My way is to slam a Gatorade right before going to sleep and then another one right when you wake up. Of course, it requires the foresight to have Gatorade handy when you're going to sleep and waking up. Also, I'm 23 and love old scotch and older jazz. You don't have to actually be an old man to act like one. I'm really sorry to hear about that particular anniversary though. The 13th anniversary of my father's death was last week. Losing someone that close to you is real shitty, but you do feel a bit better with each passing year. The first one is the worst fucking thing though, and you have my deepest sympathies.

Ok, I'm finding it really hard to cope right now. I'm going to go to the Doctor's tomorrow (again) and ask for some drugs. This seems like depression.

Yeah, see somebody. Maybe don't jump into drugs right away, but at least talk to a counsellor or something. Are you in a place where that's covered by a state healthcare plan? If so, get on it right away.

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Yeah, see somebody. Maybe don't jump into drugs right away, but at least talk to a counsellor or something. Are you in a place where that's covered by a state healthcare plan? If so, get on it right away.

I tried calling the counsellor last week after I saw the Doctor the first time. They didn't pick up. I really want a short-term fix right now, something to calm me down. I feel scared, sad, lonely, depressed, and I just want it to be over.

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I tried calling the counsellor last week after I saw the Doctor the first time. They didn't pick up. I really want a short-term fix right now, something to calm me down. I feel scared, sad, lonely, depressed, and I just want it to be over.

Go talk it through with somebody, get it out of your system and have that external perspective. Keep yourself busy too, try not to ruminate on it, at some point you're just driving your own anxieties to be worse. Don't stress out over things you have no control over.

Medicating it is a bad road to go down, i wouldn't want to see somebody go that path unless they really had to.

But whatever.

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Speedy, it seems like a lot of your worries in this thread are about school. I wish I had the ability to transplant my insight with ten years hindsight and just plop it into your head. It is sometimes sickening how irrelevant school success is to success later in life. All of those successful people you see around you are maniacs and failed plenty of times in schooling only to get where they are because of who they knew, how rich they are or because their internal drive got them to get up and push again. What is the worse that can fucking happen if you don't get into the university? Go bum around Europe for a year or something, get a job doing something tangentially related to your field of choice and try again next year. A lot of the things we freak out over in relation to school are utterly irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

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On my own fuck-I'm-depressed note, I recently (and I don't know why) became incredibly preoccupied with the concept of dying. It's literally all I can think about - It feels so scary, so permanent, I keep having anxiety attacks and my chest feels like I can hardly breathe.

Hey, I had this recently, too! It utterly sucked! It is a scary thing, but thankfully society, friends, and relationships all give us the tools to put that thought to one side and reconnect with the fact that you're alive: Which is a wonderful thing. It may seem pointless, but you've also been given the opportunity to experience it. And believe it or not, you will experience those happy fulfilling times again. I certainly have.

As Nach said: Your own mortality isn't something you can "solve", so it's best to stop yourself from doing it and try to reconnect with LIFE.

On a more practical note: If you're having a heavy panic attack, try focussing on your surroundings completely. Take everything in. Stop listening to your thoughts and focus your attention entirely on everything around you. Every little detail around you, every smell, every sound. There's so much there. Be present and don't let yourself fall "inwards".

Distraction is a very effective technique to calm heavy anxiety.

Mild anxiety can be calmed by counting your breath, or systematically relaxing every muscle in your body.

You also have your GP who can prescribe you some anti-depressants, or, if you have the money, counselling can be very effective.

Something that REALLY helped me was hanging with my friends and family (even though it felt stressful at the time, I came away feeling very good). And also writing down all my darkest thoughts. It was a scary exercise, and I couldn't look at what I'd written for a few days, but I came back and eventually felt strong enough to read them. In the cold light of day they were laughably negative, and it was great to see them from that perspective.

Good luck :tup:

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Thanks a lot, guys.

As for school - right now, I don't think my fears are directly related to that. I think that my current purposelessness lead to my pondering of those dark things, and lead to my current position. I just don't know what I'm feeling, right now, except from fear, sadness and loneliness. Incredible loneliness.

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Thanks a lot, guys.

As for school - right now, I don't think my fears are directly related to that. I think that my current purposelessness lead to my pondering of those dark things, and lead to my current position. I just don't know what I'm feeling, right now, except from fear, sadness and loneliness. Incredible loneliness.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure loneliness is what did it for me, too. Loneliness is a horrible thing. If you can go home or visit friends I'd seriously recommend it.

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I had typed out a lengthy post about suicidality and depression, but I decided it was better not shared to the internet in general. TL;DR - feel free to PM me about depressmang.

Also, it's dangerous to go alone. Take this:

5UX5

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Speedy, I can't say I've felt anything remotely like what you're describing, but I wanted to add my support, and commend you on recognizing that you're having difficulties, and knowing that you should seek professional help.

A lot of people ignore this, thinking their feelings are shameful, and so on, so I think it's really brave of you to not only admit it to us, but also to doctors/other help.

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Hey Speedy - I've gone through that a few times, and you're right it normally is linked to depression. I still get those thoughts occasionally even now my depression has passed, but it doesn't last as long and doesn't hit me as hard.

Definitely talk to your doctor, ask them to set up some cognitive therapy sessions, one-on-one or group. Medication can help, but has side effects and is a short term solution only (anti-depressants are a pain-killer, like aspirin. They help with the pain but not the injury).

Now this next part is less definite and my opinion only: do some research. Humanity has been contemplating death for millennia, so read up on some of the philosophy surrounding it. I found a lot of it actually made me feel better, especially Buddhist approaches and the life-affirming aspects of existentialism. Also poetry (my favourite being Yeats). As Nach and Thunder have said the way out is to take joy in the now and make the most of life (which can mean working hard on things you enjoy or it can mean relaxing and enjoying the minutia like a really good cup of coffee).

Also get well soon to all those thumbs above who are less than full health. And good luck to all those making difficult decisions or having a rough time. Remember you are a thumb and therefore you must already be an awesome person :tup:

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Definitely talk to your doctor, ask them to set up some cognitive therapy sessions, one-on-one or group.

I recommend this stuff as a start. It helped me a lot years ago, immensely. It was hard to me to start because I was taught therapy is for the weak or a sham, all the meanwhile I was doing all the wrong things, alienating other or making all my situations worse off than before. It does suck it costs money (or maybe it's free in those nice universal healthcare countries?) and you have to schedule during work hours (just kind of made up other appointments at the office or left it vague) and get your ass there, but it ends up worth it if you find the right therapist/group.

It didn't fix everything by far and a lot more extreme drastic/crisis stuff happened to me earlier this year that really needed to be stabilized, but I don't want to go into that and no one really knows about it anyway except my girlfriend and family (Never know what internet searchers will find). Therapy really did start me on the right path to not being such a miserable jerkoff though.

Anyway, yeah if you're having a hard time, Speedy, there's talking type help available in many forms. I'd suggest professional over everything and to try just cognitive therapy before drugs every time. Drugs may relax you or make you more apathetic, but they never fix the underlying thoughts. That is, unless you have schizophrenia or something requiring lithium treatment and the like.

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I'd second recommendations for therapy if you feel you need it. I did a lot by myself, but only by being very studious about it, and progress was very slow.

I also wouldn't dismiss anti-depressants the way I used to. I've known people who felt the need for them, and they helped. I like Dan's simile of them being like a pain killer; just be careful, and if you get some I'd say keep in mind the objective of being able to function without them at some point.

We're kind of luckier in the UK, because limits on lobbying and advertising lead to pharmaceuticals not really getting the same hard sell as in the US.

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So right outside where I live is one of the centres of the riots here in London. I went out into it and took some photos. Yes, that was a bit silly. I'm all safe, but a little shocked.

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5W4P

Were you the guy mooning the LIVE CNN camera?

[EDIT: Gods, he has the creepiest stare. It feels like he's scanning me and working out how much my organs would sell for.

(SHUDDERS.)

Anyway, if he wants to sell my organs he'll have to give half to Eric Cantor. There was a bit about that in the citizenship oath.]

[EDIT EDIT: Where can one see your photos? And are you wearing fireproof pants? It appears to be required in Clapham.]

Edited by subbes

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Good god, I just noticed there are riots in England. What is that all about, how did I miss three days of riots?

:sartre:

Also can you export some of that? :buyme:

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