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In a way, it's a little depressing. There is no such thing as 'the one', there are no mystical bonds in time and space. Relationships are decisions that you yourself make and commit to, based on temporal feelings that you could also feel for someone else.

[ADDED] Come to think of it, that makes it more precious in some ways too. No gods, nor kings, just man.

Great point. I got the same thing from Sartre's Existentialism and Human Emotions which I just read. Especially the part about choice. Why do people think existentialism is depressing? It's mostly the opposite.

But yeah...I gave her the traits I found attractive by choosing to recognize them in her and all that.

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Well, I figured I'd leave it vague there by making you think I may have omitted a comma.

I have not.

Or have I?

¬¬

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Crap. My old boss has been gone barely a week and already I'm down to around 25 hours a week to save money for the new guy. I can't live on that, especially now that I'm going back to school. Time to update the resume and get out there.

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Sorry to hear this Miffy, it always seemed like a nice gig you had there.

MSA UK starter pack ordered! (Motor Sports Association) :tup:

I want some videos of you razzing around, Scrobbs :)

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Stag do was fucking awesome! Friends helped set it up, built the rig, bbq, fire, DJs... Has led to talk of a mini festival next year!

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Crap. My old boss has been gone barely a week and already I'm down to around 25 hours a week to save money for the new guy. I can't live on that, especially now that I'm going back to school. Time to update the resume and get out there.

Better start finding ways to blackmail the guy!

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*sigh* So I thought I was done with these kind of major life changes after I moved out of my dysfunctional household, but here it is. I'm not really sure if I'm asking for advice or just shared experiences, as this is still a fresh event.

Short version-My girlfriend of 6 months occassionally stays the night at my apartment, which my brother and I share rent on. She takes showers here, sometimes as much as twice a week. This issue of her, "using our water" as he puts it, and not paying for it, has put a somewhat constant level of tension between them in place, not so much on my relationship with her, but on theirs.

Her and I both work at the same restaurant, so we carpool sometimes. Today, my brother sent me a text of concern about how much water she was using and the length of her showers, she looked at my text message and responded, feeling insulted that she was an unwelcome guest. She responded to my brother, on my phone, "Thanks for getting involved, ass"

My brother was appropriately insulted, and is furious that a guest in our home would verbally abuse him like that. Keep in mind, I don't personally have an issue with her looking at my texts, as I have nothing to hide or any serious privacy issues with her. So now she is essentially unwelcome in our place. To complicate matters, our lease is up in a month, I'm not sure how big of an issue this will be or evolve into, but I might have a serious decision to make about which one of these important people in my life I want to sign a new lease with starting next month.

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What the hell? Is water for showers that expensive where you live? Can't you just tell your brother that you'll pay for whatever she uses? I mean, if he's that worried about costs... Problem solved, right?

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What the hell? Is water for showers that expensive where you live? Can't you just tell your brother that you'll pay for whatever she uses? I mean, if he's that worried about costs... Problem solved, right?
I think the water costs were only the initial cause of friction, now it's turned into both of them feeling insulted by the other. She's mad that he can't even respect her enough to let her take a shower, and he's mad she intruded on a private conversation he intended to have with just me

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Her and I both work at the same restaurant, so we carpool sometimes. Today, my brother sent me a text of concern about how much water she was using and the length of her showers, she looked at my text message and responded, feeling insulted that she was an unwelcome guest. She responded to my brother, on my phone, "Thanks for getting involved, ass."

Wow, I know water is somewhat expensive here in Austin, or more than I was used to before I moved, but it's not too expensive to spare a few showers. But I guess that's all relative in the end.

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As you're not sure if you're asking for advice, I'm going to give my immediate reaction/advice:

Your brother's being crazy uptight about the water, but that's his right as a co-renter and something that should have been discussed/compromised on (even though, y'know, crazy).

He couldn't realistically expect that conversation to have stayed between you and him: apart from partner's privilege - they get to know EVERYTHING - she would have had to become a part of the dialogue at some point.

However, her ad hominem response has lost her the moral high ground and tipped the whole thing in his favour.

Best course of action: apologise, explain it was motivated by insecurity/perceived slight/whatevs, resolve the water issue, but probably point out that this whole mess was largely caused by him being so water-tight (lol) and really isn't that big a deal.

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I think your bro is not happy about your girlf coming over.

Is she over a lot (does she, er, sleep over) to the point where he might feel like she's almost 'living' with y'all? That can put pressure on housemate situations because the singleton feels like the girlf/boyf is a 'freeloader' on their significant other's rent.

Easy solution: shower with her.

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I think the water costs were only the initial cause of friction, now it's turned into both of them feeling insulted by the other. She's mad that he can't even respect her enough to let her take a shower, and he's mad she intruded on a private conversation he intended to have with just me

Every time she stay over get him a beer, if he is a reasonable human he will be more than happy about this.

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I dunno man, your brother is being way to passive-aggressive about something here. Price of water is no good reason whatsoever for anything. It is just a bad convenient excuse.

If the water bill is really weirdly huge, maybe you should look if there is some sort of leak or something in the house, because I can't imagine it really being any kind of issue with even the most excessive of human cleanlinesses. It is summer in central Texas during an epic drought season, yes, there are water restrictions and everything—still, dollar-for-dollar, a much better argument for your bro to be using would be that she's warming up the apartment and wasting precious kWh of your AC.

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These sorts of arguments crop up all the time when 2 ppl are on the bills, but a significant other of 1 flatmate is always over. Try to resolve it amicably by suggesting some bills are split 3 ways, or that you accept more than half the bills, say 60-70 % (or whatever you think is reasonable). It might have gone too far, BUT at least if you make this offer it will give some clue if your bro has some other problem with her (apart from the insult) beyond an idea that she is just freeloading.

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Based on the extensive knowledge I have gathered from various tv series, it seems obvious that the real issue is not the water bill or even your girlfriend mildly insulting your brother but the fact that your brother feels left out because you have spend too much time with your girlfriend. You should take him hunting (you know, like you used to), drink beer by the fire and explain to him that he is still an important part of your life. Alternatively you can try to arrange an incident which ends with your girlfriend barely saving his life. However, beware that it might go either horribly or hilariously wrong.

I'm sorry that I can't be of any real help. Others have had really good comments though.

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At the very least you should sit him down, with her not there obv., in a bar and try to discuss it like adults. Ask him if she (or you) could pay a greater proportion of the bills, would that mollify him? If not, what would it take to make it easier for everyone to live together. Make it clear that you are in a difficult position as you want them both in your life, and if at all possible you would like to try and resolve the issue before it gets too much further out of hand.

If he remains unreasonable, are you in a position to move into a flat with her (if you're ready). The lease coming up in a month is actually pretty handy, as it will provide a relatively easy out should you want to.

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I agree with everyone else that there is likely some underlying resentment there, of which the water issue is just a symptom. As with almost all problems; talk through it, remain calm, try to be understanding and act in good faith.

In other news... Wow, my own love-life has, in the space of a few days, gone from almost non-existent to incredibly complicated. First, a lovely friend of mine who I've known for a while told me that she has developed an attraction to me and wouldn't mind taking it further on some kind of basis. Not something I have a whole lot of experience with but sounds good, so I agreed to give it a shot.

Then, shortly after, an acquaintance said that she'd like to have lunch with me sometime. I hardly know her really, only met a few times before, but I do find her, well, interesting, and would like to get to know her better. It might not even lead anywhere; but then again, it might.

Just wish the timing was better. This is pretty much the first time in my entire life where I've had to choose between two girls. It's not nice! I guess I know what I need to do, I just hope I can do it without screwing up and hurting anyone's feelings.

I guess this new aftershave is working for me or something :erm:

edit: OK, situation resolved. Resume normal broadcasting.

Edited by DanJW

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I think I've decided that my brother and I's idea of what home life should be is too different, and I think I'm going to move into a place with the girlfriend. This is not going to be a fun discussion telling him that though, when for the past two months we've been planning on getting another place together.

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This is pretty much the first time in my entire life where I've had to choose between two girls. It's not nice!

I must be lucky – I barely ever even have to chose between one girl.

I think I've decided that my brother and I's idea of what home life should be is too different, and I think I'm going to move into a place with the girlfriend. This is not going to be a fun discussion telling him that though, when for the past two months we've been planning on getting another place together.

Sounds about right to me. I don't envy your position – particularly having to break the news to your brother – but my impression is that if this is a problem now, it's only going to get worse. You obviously care what your brother thinks because you care about him to some degree, but you can't spend all your time worrying about that. Moving out seems like the most logical solution (provided everyone can manage it financially and so on). And rather do it now than wait until everyone hates one another.

DISCLAIMER: I may not know what I'm talking about.

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Everyone has given pretty good advice so far, so I'll just say that I agree and am glad that it sounds like you've come to a decision. Difficult though the conversation may be, it should still be better for you in the long run.

It's the Calgary Stampede this week. I'm surrounded by drunk assholes and tourists in cowboy hats blaring loud and terrible music. I am not happy about this. On top of all of this, my opinion of my city dipped even further today when I saw the Calgary Sun's front page. The top line was a story about the 5 year old grandson of the chief of a Northern native tribe being killed yesterday in a drive by shooting. The picture on the front page was a giant photo of our prime minister (a dude who, let's be clear, during a disease outbreak on a reservation a couple of years ago arranged for them to have supplies delivered. These supplies? Not medicine, but fucking body bags. I think we can safely say he doesn't give a shit about natives) at the rodeo wearing a tacky fake native headdress and face paint. Real fucking sensitive there, Calgary. In general, Canada is pretty decent about handling racists and keeping them down, but for whatever reason it's still cool, particularly in the West, to be SUPER fucking racist towards the natives. I am incredibly ashamed of my city right now. The problem is, I truly believe that this is one of the most naturally beautiful places on the planet, and camping, hiking, cycling, etc around here is something I never want to give up. Why did some of the worst people have to make their home on top of one of the best places?

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