(IGN.com)

[Patters]

Seriously the best part of this whole thing can be summed up in two images.

This first one...

...And this response.

There's a third.

[CaptainFish]

Of course, how could I forget?

[Thompson]

Excellent.

I agree with black text 1.

[Noyb]

"Groin grabbingly good gameplay!" -- IGN.com

[Noyb]

"I can get over the ones that are just dumb, like

a

trio

of

anthropomorphic

ice cream

dishes

, but many of these Pokemon are downright hideous. I love Oshawott, the water starter. I think he's adorable. But then he turns into

Samurott

, who looks like

what

hatches

from

a

Poké

egg

after

someone

leaves

a

narwhal

and

a

drunk bear

at

the

Day

Care

Center

.

Garbodor

conveys the image of

a

child's

art

project

made

only

with

melted ice cream sandwiches

and

his

father's

cigarette butts." -- IGN.com

(Image in case it changes Sunday: http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/2116/ign2.png)

So apparently Nintendo allowed IGN to publish a review of the new Pokémon game before the release date, so long as they didn't publish any details about most of the new creatures, plot details, locations, etc. In his own admirable-yet-stupid way, the IGN reviewer wrote his review without consideration of these restrictions, then uploaded it with all the embargo details self-censored, leading to the utterly ridiculous quote above.

Edit: updated the spoiler tags with the actual words.

Edited March 6, 2011 by Noyb

[Squid Division]

haha that is astounding

[Snooglebum]

[bLANK] Narwhal [bLANK] [bLANK] drunk bear [bLANK][bLANK][bLANK][bLANK][bLANK][bLANK]

I find that line amazing.

[Lu]

What is wrong with these people?

[mikemariano]

"Chock-full of crazy moments that will make you go 'OMG' and 'WTF'."

-- IGN.com

"Three rogues walk into a bar and...kill everyone."

-- IGN.com

The Dragon Age II review isn't as terrible as the Dead Space 2 review, if that's worth anything...

[Snooglebum]

"Chock-full of crazy moments that will make you go 'OMG' and 'WTF'."

-- IGN.com

BBQ?

[mikemariano]

"How do you make a game more satisfying than Bulletstorm? Well, you would start by inventing a game that could actually suck you off."

-- IGN.com action-button.net

Sometimes Tim Rogers writes long, unhinged essays that illuminate aspects of a game. This is not one of those essays.

[Thyroid]

Sometimes Tim Rogers writes long, unhinged essays that illuminate aspects of a game. This is not one of those essays.

I've yet to read anything by the man that doesn't stink of "I want to be like Old Man Murray". He has ten years under his belt and not a single piece that has impressed me. This wankfest is the worst of the lot.

I guess his stuff in general isn't as bad as IGN's or I wouldn't have bothered with a full three (edit: fuck that, two; I guess I've contradicted myself and he's the same shit, different flavor of IGN) paragraphs of snobby dismissal, but he comes across as relentlessly hokey and insincere. Or maybe I just envy his Japanese dork pop star look, I can't be sure.

[mikemariano]

This wankfest is the worst of the lot.

Actually, that Final Fantasy XIII review I think is the best implementation of Rogers's wasteful style. Most of those words actually have to do with playing the game. He goes button-press-by-button-press to show how maddening Final Fantasy XIII really is. It was the most helpful review of the game I read.

But there's nothing in his Bulletstorm review beyond the same hyperbole featured on every other site.

Or maybe I just envy his Japanese dork pop star look, I can't be sure.

I am afraid to click on this link. I don't think I want to know what he looks like.

Heck, I didn't even know what Nick Breckon looked like until Jake posted the video last night.

[JonCole]

"I can get over the ones that are just dumb, like

a

trio

of

anthropomorphic

ice cream

dishes

, but many of these Pokemon are downright hideous. I love Oshawott, the water starter. I think he's adorable. But then he turns into

Samurott

, who looks like

what

hatches

from

a

Poké

egg

after

someone

leaves

a

narwhal

and

a

drunk bear

at

the

Day

Care

Center

.

Garbodor

conveys the image of

a

child's

art

project

made

only

with

melted ice cream sandwiches

and

his

father's

cigarette butts." -- IGN.com

(Image in case it changes Sunday: http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/2116/ign2.png)

So apparently Nintendo allowed IGN to publish a review of the new Pokémon game before the release date, so long as they didn't publish any details about most of the new creatures, plot details, locations, etc. In his own admirable-yet-stupid way, the IGN reviewer wrote his review without consideration of these restrictions, then uploaded it with all the embargo details self-censored, leading to the utterly ridiculous quote above.

Edit: updated the spoiler tags with the actual words.

I actually thought this was just plain old admirable rather than stupid. This little protest only made Nintendo look like a sack of shit... their embargo restrictions basically made it so reviewers could only talk about like 30 Pokemon and the first two hours of the game. Sure, it looked pretty damn ridiculous while the words were blacked out, but that's the only way he could post a review and actually have it be more than "I like my experience with Pokemon, take my word for it and here's my score" as many of the pre-release reviews sounded like.

[Wubbles]

With "igndotcom" as the name, this becomes very amusing.

[Squid Division]

wow that got dirty in a hurry

I'm reviewing a good way - IGN.com This game delivers on all the bed of tossing a black guy with your?

[Wubbles]

Funfunfun

I'm drowning in the weak - IGN.com

[Hermie]

Speaking of Twitter and games writing cliches, #gamejournalistpickuplines was going around yesterday.

Especially check out the origin Jason Schreier.

[pabosher]

With "igndotcom" as the name, this becomes very amusing.

An extraterrestrial FPS that aren't Citizen Kanes of a 7/10, but great. - IGN.

Man, that is the best by a mile.

[CaptainFish]

This was surprisingly cutting or complimentary, coming from Igndotcom:

Every Gamestop employee will rape you how good I nearly pooped my pants. - IGN.

[Snooglebum]

With "igndotcom" as the name, this becomes very amusing.

THE BEST PSYCHOPATH

The best psychopath we've encountered yet, Dude. Dude... Dude! - IGN

And in response to it getting dirty, well...

The only organ suited to pretty much anything in a game. - forever. 9.7/10 - forever. 9.7/10 - IGN.

And

My penis is actually happening! - IGN.com The fresh direction my pants. -IGN.

(That one almost sounds like a commercial.)

EDIT: also, these:

Squids are inbred hillbillies -IGN.com

And

This game citation needed! -- ign.com

Also

Oh man. Oh man, oh God. Oh God. This water buffalo's going to admit to the spam emails. -IGN.

And

Proof that I have a seedy motel.

And finally

Touch me, I'm reviewing a 'made man' itch.

Sorry for the huge post, there's just so much gold this thing spits out.

Edited April 12, 2011 by Snooglebum

[Orv]

I got,

"I'm drowning in the ultimate gaming Wizard! - IGN.com"

On my first go, no less!

[Thompson]

[DanJW]

With "igndotcom" as the name, this becomes very amusing.

Features the unconfirmed sequel - IGN.com Activision owes me a broken heart - IGN.

2 for 1!

[Thompson]

How the hell does "It will blow you away" infiltrate everything IGN.com touches?

http://www.ign.com/ipl, say tonight, 8 PM EDT/1am BST/2am CEST - The project I've been working on with DJWheat, HDStarcraft, Painuser and IGN is ready to start airing tonight. We've spent weeks recording all these matchs and they will blow you away so please tune in and if you've never watched a Starcraft match before, make this your first. VoDs WILL be available afterwards