Jump to content
Scrobbs

The Thumbs non-essential crap joke thread

Recommended Posts

This bloke and his missus are in the supermarket, and they come to the drinks aisle, where the man spots a 24 pack of beer for a tenner and puts it into the trolley.

"Excuse me" says the wife. "What do you think you're doing?"

"That's a great deal" says the husband. "24 cans for a tenner, can't go wrong with that."

"Don't you realise there's a credit crunch on? We can't afford luxuries like that, put it back on the shelf", the wife snaps.

The husband reluctantly puts the beer back and they continue on their trek round the supermarket. Upon reaching the beauty section, the wife spots a giant pack of face cream for twenty pounds, and immediately grabs it, placing it into the trolley.

"Er, excuse me", says the husband. "What do you think you're doing? I thought you said that there was a credit crunch on, and we can't afford luxuries?"

"This is different", explains the wife. "This is my face cream, it helps to make me look beautiful."

The bloke says, "Well, that's what I need the beer for, and it's half the price."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think Dan just won the thread but I'm not sure because I can't tell if he's trying to make a joke or not?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's this bird who's really horny, and she was hassling her boyfriend for sex. He wasn't interested, but she wouldn't leave him alone. He wasn't having any of it so she went shopping at Ann Summers. She bought all the underwear, crotchless pants, peep hole bra, leather boots etc. She went back home and got dressed up, leaned over him and whispered, "Do you want some super sex?"

"Can I have the soup please?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How does Hitler tie his shoes?

With little Knotsies.

How did the Pope get bird flu?

From a cardinal.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's the spirit!

3 old ladies are sitting on a park bench, a streaker runs by. 2 of the ladies have a stroke, the other one couldn't reach.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What?, Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry, one more:

A boat carrying blue paint and a boat carrying red paint collided in the middle of the ocean. What happened to the crew?

They were marooned.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sorry, one more:

A boat carrying blue paint and a boat carrying red paint collided in the middle of the ocean. What happened to the crew?

They were marooned.

I'm sure a few of them accidentally blue themselves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Q. What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?

A. I cry when I cut an onion

sissy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Q. What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?

A. I cry when I cut an onion

Hahahahahaha, nice. Wait wait wait...

Q. What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?

A. I don't cry when I fuck an onion

Yeah? Yeah?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

WHAT'S BROWN AND STICKY?

A stick

.

This was scientifically proven to be the greatest joke ever.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hahahahahaha, nice. Wait wait wait...

Yeah? Yeah?

It gains a little, but loses so much more. I don't feel the James version conveys the full mysogenistic air of the original. You demonstrate far too much respect. Perhaps you should change whore to woman, and replace fuck with rape.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well it was meant as a companion piece rather than a replacement. The idea of men crying while having sex (in a pathetic and non-romantic way) is disproportionately funny to me, particularly if they don't stop. Also, it was meant to be shifting the subject of the malice from the whore to the teller of the joke (without warrant).

Still, your suggestions have been duly noted. Thanks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

...and on that bombshell...

perhaps it would be best to let it die - since there is a strong under-current in the dislike of shit jokes :mock:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×