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Spaff

Annoying gaming news site headlines

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If there's one thing I can't stand it's shitty headlines that take the subject matter in question, take a method of transportation or something from it and use it in the headline to describe how it is arriving onto the console or wherever it is destined to be going, assuming that it is in some way hilariously clever.

I've used some borIng headlines in the past but for fucks sake, this style get used over and over again by every hapless shit that has a shitty games blog. Same fucking 'joke' on a million sites because it's so obvious and so so shitty. Argh.

Examples:

Sonic spins onto DS :tdown:

Star Trek beams down to Xbox 360 :tdown:

Katamari rolling it's way to PSP :tdown:

FUCK OFF.

I mean look at this google search and this one FFS.

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RollerCoaster Tycoon 3 screams into stores

Pure genious.

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Dead or Alive: Xtreme 2 bounces onto Europe

eh...

I didn't realize these gems were this popular. I must have filtered most of them somehow.

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Phoenix Wright objects into Europe!

Touch Detective touches into Europe!

Yoshi's Island DS shoots its tongue into Europe!

Ico swings from a chain into Europe!

X-change comes to Europe, and although it used to be a boy it now has a vagina!

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Well, if we're going that direction...

The Rez vibrator, cumming stateside soon!

Rainbow 6 Vegas, whoring itself legally this winter!

:shifty::getmecoat

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Phoenix Wright objects into Europe!

Maybe "finds a contradiction in Europe, with the help of a spirit medium."

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I went through all the idle news headlines and I found one instance of this and 700+ instances of awesomeness.

"Worms Squiggles on to DS and PSP" or somehting

the offender was: Marek

marek gets a brief :tdown:but then also instantly gets :tup::tup::tup::tup::tup::tup: because of all his other headlines.

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ARGH

If I ever make a successful game, it will be called "Fuck Off", so that journalists can make hilarious straplines like:

"Fuck Off Fucks Off" and

"It's Out? Fuck Off"

You see, it will be brilliant. Maybe.

Also Thank Christ. I had a brief panic attack when I thought that I was a total hypocrite.

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BLARG

Looking at the current news at GameSpot:

New Dragon Balls bouncing to handhelds
Driver races onto PSPs
Tenchu Z stalks Xbox 360

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Hahaha, I love writing headlines like that. I chuckle almost every time I use one. I probably derive a slightly different type of humor out of it than you assume is being derived.

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I think you're doing it a little more facetiously than many others.

That said, when I worked in local newspapers, we used to deliberately write the most retarded headlines possible because it was hilarious, but I doubt most readers caught on, or even noticed. I always imagined that maybe one kid saw them over breakfast and declared them lame, without knowing that he was right. That was my secret hope. There was some new age chiropractic place we had to write a business profile on and we called the article The Road To Wellville, which is a book and movie about a guy deceiving all his customers with a bunch of medical bullshit and near circus antics. And it's still online!

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Back when I was 13 or so, I'd always scan the newspaper looking for dumb or just funny headlines. Things like "Naked Passenger Disrupts Flight." I remember the prize of my collection was one about the paleontology department at a Japanese university finding a fossilized mammoth. And I quote:

"Kinki University Discovers Mammoth Bone"

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Back when I was 13 or so, I'd always scan the newspaper looking for dumb or just funny headlines. Things like "Naked Passenger Disrupts Flight." I remember the prize of my collection was one about the paleontology department at a Japanese university finding a fossilized mammoth. And I quote:

"Kinki University Discovers Mammoth Bone"

The best headline I ever saw (from a major newspaper) was five, six years ago about a failed kidnapping attempt, and there was an injunction preventing the name of the target from being printed. So the headline was, literally, "WHO IS MR X?"

Yeah, life was good back five, six years ago when it was a 50's mystery serial.

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