MrHoatzin

Awesome List of Absurd Games that Should be Made, DAMNIT!

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I had this awesome idea for The Ultimate Horror Game of Unadulterated Horror, I just don't know how profitable it can be or how exciting to everybody else ---- but fuck it, who cares! It's ma game!

So, without further ado, the Ultimate Horror Game:

I am more afraid of retarded hillbillies than the stock zombies we get all too often -- when I say retarded hillbillies, I mean the kind of people who think 'bandana' is that thing you use to wipe your nose, to hold your hair, or to stuff in the place of the missing gas gasket -- often in a swift succession. So, the game will feature a lot of hillbillies out to rape me, or kill me as a kind of sport, or something like that.

The only thing I have to defend myself is a bow and three recyclable arrows. Nothing else. There is a piece of rope in one of the levels. Only, like, eight bad guys grand total, but they have to fight well. The whole game is happening in a forest! And there are no ancient ruins near by!

I am more afraid of telephones than being shot at point-blank, so I will be forced to make a lot of telephone calls in the game, where on the other side of the wire I will be humiliated in a very low-key, humiliating fashion by people who are supposed to help me but never do. So, the whole game is pretty much me running around from hillbillies in a forest, from one payphone to the next, all the while my anticipation is being built up: the next phone call will have to be the one that will take me out of this place to the win condition, it will just have to be...

Oh, and I am more afraid of bureaucracy than Lord God Jehovah Himself so the main story has to be thoroughly Kafkaesque: a man versus The Man's machine that just don't work.

It's all mostly in black and white, and feels like Fritz Lang's movies.

Now I just need to sit idly by while somebody fits all this into a semi-half cohesive and fun game. I am sitting here, now - 50 bucks in hand - waiting for this game to materialise...

monkeydance.gif

Tam ta ratata pam pa REE ra ram...

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Gosh, that's not a video game, Kingz... that's Ireland.

Except instead of black and white, it's green. With a lot more potatoes.

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I think the ultimate horror game would be very much like this crazy movie I saw yesterday.

> protagonist opens drawer

"OH MY GOD MAGGOTS AND SNAKES!"

> protagonist goes to living room

"OH MY GOD MAGGOTS AND SNAKES!"

(close-ups of maggots, snakes)

> protagonist hides in closet

"OH MY GOD A BOX OF MAGGOTS AND A BOA CONSTRICTOR!"

You wouldn't really have to do things in this game except just running around, screaming. It'd be glorious. And hey, pixels are free, so you wouldn't even need an animal trainer.

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I just find anything that has potatoes in it to be particularly terrifying, like clowns. Jesus Christ, that would be horrible, wouldn't it? A game about a clown juggling potatoes.

And the clown is called Bob.

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