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Salka

I have just had the weirdest day....

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I had the weirdest day ever. I know you won't believe me, since I am a notorious liar. Believe me, I wouldn't bother lying about any of this... I'd come up with something shorter and more clever-sounding.

Um, I'll start by saying: I went into work this morning. It seemed like an ordinary morning until Kiera Knightley phoned. As in, ACTUAL Kiera Knightley, not just somebody else called that. That was pretty remarkable. The person she wanted to speak to is the MIRROR IMAGE of Dame Judy Dench... but was sadly not available for Ms Knightley to speak to. After Kiera hung up, a guy called 'David Jones' called. At this point, I began to suspect I was having a really weird day.

Then, as I was walking back to work after lunch, some chavs in a car got bored. They were stuck in traffic and decided to throw eggs at people on the street and hurl abuse at them. Not really clever considering that they were stuck in traffic with their windows open... I wish somebody had punched them in the face.

Anyway, in case they decided to throw eggs on me, I took a stone out of my bag. Yeah I had a stone in my bag... I'd been at the beach last week... I like stones. Oh man long story short they threw eggs at me, I threw a stone at their car, their back window broke, and we stood there hurling abuse at each other, and then they drove away quickly because some other people (also chavs) that they had egged were going to beat them up.

That's weird because I don't generally lose my temper like that... or get randomly attacked on the street by strangers.

But I broke their window so I win.

Then I got back to work and apologised for being late, but some chavs had caused trouble down the road. A manager took me aside and asked me to refrain from using the term 'chavs' as some of the people at work may feel offended by it.

!!!!!

It's only 6pm, there's still plenty of time for random, weird stuff to happen. I'm scared. I don't want to go outside. I think I'll just go to bed ;(

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I am a notorious liar.

The liar's paradox presents itself.

That does sound like a pretty satisfying day overall though.

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I had Scarlett Johansson come into my work on Sunday. Kind of an odd moment. Apparently she's in Calgary filming something and decided to stop by the arthouse theater. Unfortunately, I did not break anyone's windows later in the day, rather went and got drunk with some friends. Can't win 'em all, I guess.

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sounds like an interesting movie, what's it called?

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That day was weird, to be sure, but also hot, because Keira Knightley is sort of a babe.

My question is this: what's a chav? Is it a racial slur, maybe?

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A chav is the kind of cunt that drives down a street throwing eggs at people and saying things like... well, for instance, what occured in my case...

'Hey,' screamed the ugly fat redhead from her car, 'me mate wants your number!'

I ignored her. Her 'mate' was ugly.

'WELL HE DIDN'T WANT IT ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU'RE UGLY!!!' she screamed in delight, and drove a bit further on (delayed by traffic). 'Hey, excuse me!' she said to an old lady with a walking stick.

'asdfkahsdfasdf' the old lady said (probably)

'Do you want a hand?'

'mumblemumble' said the old lady (most likely)

'WE WEREN'T GONNA GIVE YOU OINE ANYWAY!!!' screamed the fat girl. And threw some eggs at the old lady from her window.

That's a chav. I guess an accurate description is... someone who is antisocial and a cunt and a complete ugly inbred wanker with no job and nothing better to do than make other people miserable and beat up smaller people and make dramas for themselves and shit like that? I dunno...

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But I broke their window so I win.

But you lost the stone! Do you have any idea what that stone will be worth after you have become world famous? But probably those chavs just threw it away and won't profit from it.

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the window didn't BREAK break, it just has a massive crack...

... and why yes I will become famous one day....

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the window didn't BREAK break, it just has a massive crack...

... and why yes I will become famous one day....

By doing the work you're doing now or by throwing the stone

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What a fine day, Yufster. Myself, I stayed indoors and only made wild plans. Roommate Jasper and I want to check out the options of starting a slave mine in Africa. The amusing thing is we don't even care what they'll dig up; we just want a slave mine.

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Kiera Knightley phoned. As in, ACTUAL Kiera Knightley, not just somebody else called that.

This means: you have the phone number of Keira Knightley now.

PMPLZTHX

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sounds like an interesting movie, what's it called?

She may or may not be in it. The film is "Resurrecting the Champ" with Josh Hartnett and Samuel L Jackson. It's being filmed in the city. Johansson and Hartnett came by together. The vibe that I got was that they're bumping incredibly attractives, but I could be mistaken. I don't keep up with the gossip, so it's entirely possible that they've been publicly bonking for months and I've just been unaware.

I've never heard the term "chav" used before. Must be a brit thing. I just call people like that cunts. Like those cunts (see?) who drive around downtown sometimes with a paintball gun full of marbles. Unfortunately, I've never been armed with rocks when I run into them, so I haven't had a chance to strike back.

EDIT: Hmmm... after checking IMDB, Johansson is not in the movie. Which builds the case for her fucking Hartnett, as why the hell else would she come to Calgary? Alan Alda is in the movie though. If I see him, I need to have the MASH theme ready to play at full volume.

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Hey, paddy! Don't be jealous just because I've escaped Ireland and you haven't!!

You fucking fenian git! (as my dad used to call me whilst beating me and beating me and beating me)

.... ;(

Current mood: sadness

Listening to: The Smiths

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You know what's weird?

Yesterday I was in a bar and there was the black girl from the photos of that controverial PSP black & white campaign. She happened to be friends with someone I was there with.

Small world.

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You're too hip for idlethumbs now, Marek. Steer clear of the gamer-jetset parties lest you get spoiled.

(unless you invite me aswell)

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Yeah, you've gone the way of Chris Remo Action news now. Why don't you leave us as well, sell-out? Why don't you.

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Run home to Shacknews!

(please don't. We have precious little content as is...)

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