do zombies have to pooh?

[Ryam BaCo]

wellll...my brother is sitting in front of his x-box and playing some ea-lord-of-the-rings-crap-game and is fighting against a ringwraith-stuff-thingie.

mb (=my brother ): "this ringwraith has got around a million points!!!"

tv set: *bang* *bang* *whoooosch*

i: "hmmm...you deducted around 2500 points of this thing...pretty tough..."

mb: "yeah..."

i: "you gotta play around three million hours till you defeat this creature..."

mb: "i already defeated him, but i had to turn the x-box off and now i have to do everything again!"

tv set: *bang* *whoooosch* *bang*

i: "wwooohooo! this thing-stuff-thingie regenerated...pretty longsome..."

tv set: *whooosch* *bing*

i: "what if anybody of your four stuff-thingie-warriors has to go to the toilet? i mean...it's a pretty long fight and so on."

mb: "impossible."

i: "yeah. but...what if...they need a time-out or something."

mb: "the ringwraith won't understand them."

i: "everybody understands the sign for a time-out."

mb: "who cares? the ringwraith doesn't need toilets anyway."

i: "why? everybody needs a toilet sometime."

mb: "he is dead. he doesn't need toilets. he doesn't drink and eat any more."

i: "hard life as undead creature. no eating..."

tv set: *bing* *bing* *bang*

i: "but...but...what...about...zombies???"

mb: "wtf?"

i: "yeah. zombies. they eat brains, humans and stuff. they need to pooh, don't they?"

tv set: *bang* *whoooosch* *bang*

i: "i never saw a zombie poohing (does this word exist? ), but they need to or otherwise they'd explode, because they are filled up with brains, humans and stuff."

mb: "hmmm...dunno?"

question --> title. now help. please, help.

[Spaff]

[Mr Flibble]

Well its certainly an interesting conumdrum you've got there.

But, at the end of the day, I'd say it depends on whether or not said zombie ate any fibre before death, and more importantly, if he still has his instestines.

[vimes]

The more the site grows in content, the weirder the forum becomes.

[Dingo Chavez]

I say nay.

Most zombies vomit an acid-like substance to daze and hurt their pray, ergo they don't need to poo because they hurl everything they eat out.

So they don't poo, they're anorexic.

[DanJW]

But surely, zombies have a Hunger. A Hunger for Brains. Such a Hunger implies a digestive system... or else, yeah, their stomach would just pop. Although you do see a ot of zombies with distended stomaches or intestines hanging out. Maybe that's why. Hmmm. Tough one.

[Nick]

No.

[Trithemius]

But surely, zombies have a Hunger. A Hunger for Brains. Such a Hunger implies a digestive system... or else, yeah, their stomach would just pop. Although you do see a ot of zombies with distended stomaches or intestines hanging out. Maybe that's why. Hmmm. Tough one.

Aren't zombies a metaphor for the mindless consumptive urges that plague our capitalist society? Ever devouring, but never giving anything back (even poop)?

[miffy495]

Zombies have to poo, just like everything else with a digestive system. Even when a Zombie has had it's innards blown off with a shotgun, but still has brains and therefor (according to Romero rules) a hunger, if it actually does eat the brains would just pop out the neck. Though it would not be anywhere near digested, I believe that this constitutes a primitive form of pooing.

[steak-flavored gum]

how about farting? do zombies fart? does it matter if it's a male or female zombie?

I would myself imagine that a lot more gas than usual gets generated by the body of a zombie, and depending on where that gas gets pushed out, it may result in a fart. If you're defining flatulence as only coming from the arse then it would all depend on whether the flesh down there was still able to properly clench or not.

[Redwall]

Since it's apparentely a gameplay mechanic in Stubbs the Zombie, I would say that yes, zombies fart.

[Tanukitsune]

They only eat human fleash but no fiber, so I'd say no...

That probably explains why they are always in such a bad mood...

[Ryam BaCo]

oho...i just figured out that everybody (except good old english-god ryam) writes poo without this awful h and yay...poo looks much cooler than pooh, because pooh reminds me somehow to winnie the pooh. and a discussion about zombies and what they have to do with winnie the pooh (wohoo a rhyme! a ryam-rhyme! ) would be pretty weird.

(this was just a remark.)

[Nick]

Just to clear it up, I'm pretty sure 'pooh' is the term used by people when they smell something unpleasant and poo is the substance that comes out of ones arse.

[miffy495]

fair enough. With regards to the farting, I think zombies just constantly release the odour of their bodies digesting themselves, rather than ever dispelling short bursts of gas.

[Vlynn911]

I think zombies poo for several reasons

~they smell like poo

~They still eat (even though it may be humans) but

somehow they need to release the contents in which

eat.

Those are my answers and I am stickin to it

[Savage Cabbage]

Just to clear it up, I'm pretty sure 'pooh' is the term used by people when they smell something unpleasant and poo is the substance that comes out of ones arse.

Now, not always. There is an exception. This occurs when said pooh is actually a poo but stinks of the freshness of the ass of a human. No dog, or cat, fish or horse can mimic this scent. It is the unmistakeable odor pong of a mans ass dropping the freshness shizit. It is awful and it is vile. Ladies know it cause sometimes their man has it and has to be told to go and wash his ass.

[Nick]

Now you're just talking sh**

BOOM BOOM!

[MrChlorophyll]

Now, not always. There is an exception. This occurs when said pooh is actually a poo but stinks of the freshness of the ass of a human. No dog, or cat, fish or horse can mimic this scent. It is the unmistakeable odor pong of a mans ass dropping the freshness shizit. It is awful and it is vile. Ladies know it cause sometimes their man has it and has to be told to go and wash his ass.

Just about the single most insightful and disturbing train of thought I've ever had the opportunity to read.

[Metalmickey]

This is a fascinating topic, and I'm disappointed in myself for not remembering what conclusions I drew the last time I pondered the matter. I think that there are probably a number of distinct possibilities regarding zombie anal excretion:

1. Hungry though they may be, many zombies don't get to eat for extremely long periods of time, be they trapped in a tomb/mine/cell, wandering the wilderness or buried 'dead' in the earth. These zombies would never have anything to poo I should imagine.

2. Zombies with the aforementioned holes in their necks/bellies/intestines may eat all they like, but I guess the food would just plop out of their various holes now and then in various states of partial digestion. Probably none of it actually reaches the rectum, and I personally feel that this invalidates its status as 'proper' poo, despite the unpleasantness involved.

3. Those lucky zombies who are both relatively hole-free and also able to find the human flesh they so desire may well keep food inside them for the entire passage through their alimentary canal. Somehow though, I imagine they don't have the best bowel control, and given their general stink and uncleanliness, probably aren't fussed either. These ghastly creatures probably just shit slowly but constantly, leaving a trail of foul faeces in their wake wherever they wander, mingling with the pus, blood, rotted flesh, urine and scraps of clothing that tear/fall/leak as they stumble and crawl around the place.

One of the key assumptions here is that the process of peristalsis still occurs in a zombie's guts, pushing the shit ever onwards, anus-bound. Perhaps in their semi-animate state however, the guts and villi within do not move, and the 'shiznit' merely builds up until an inevital rupture or prolapse occurs. More investigation is needed methinks.

[Knar]

A very thorough analysis, I must say.

[miffy495]

Metalmickey, that was...

yikes.

How much thought have you put into this subject, man???

[Savage Cabbage]

The large, hollow organs of the digestive system contain muscle that enables their walls to move. The movement of organ walls can propel food and liquid and also can mix the contents within each organ. Typical movement of the esophagus, stomach, and intestine is called peristalsis. The action of peristalsis looks like an ocean wave moving through the muscle. The muscle of the organ produces a narrowing and then propels the narrowed portion slowly down the length of the organ. These waves of narrowing push the food and fluid in front of them through each hollow organ.

The first major muscle movement occurs when food or liquid is swallowed. Although we are able to start swallowing by choice, once the swallow begins, it becomes involuntary and proceeds under the control of the nerves.

The esophagus is the organ into which the swallowed food is pushed. It connects the throat above with the stomach below. At the junction of the esophagus and stomach, there is a ringlike valve closing the passage between the two organs. However, as the food approaches the closed ring, the surrounding muscles relax and allow the food to pass.

The food then enters the stomach, which has three mechanical tasks to do. First, the stomach must store the swallowed food and liquid. This requires the muscle of the upper part of the stomach to relax and accept large volumes of swallowed material. The second job is to mix up the food, liquid, and digestive juice produced by the stomach. The lower part of the stomach mixes these materials by its muscle action. The third task of the stomach is to empty its contents slowly into the small intestine.

Several factors affect emptying of the stomach, including the nature of the food (mainly its fat and protein content) and the degree of muscle action of the emptying stomach and the next organ to receive the contents (the small intestine). As the food is digested in the small intestine and dissolved into the juices from the pancreas, liver, and intestine, the contents of the intestine are mixed and pushed forward to allow further digestion.

Finally, all of the digested nutrients are absorbed through the intestinal walls. The waste products of this process include undigested parts of the food, known as fiber, and older cells that have been shed from the mucosa. These materials are propelled into the colon, where they remain, usually for a day or two, until the feces are expelled by a bowel movement.

about this much.

[Dingo Chavez]

This is the most philosophical thread yet.

[Knar]

Apparently there's a book out on Zombies that discuss everything you need to know, including if Zombies poo. (My friend told me about it)

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1400049628/002-3609108-5593653?v=glance

From Amazon:

The Zombie Survival Guide : Complete Protection from the Living Dead (Paperback)

Description:

From Publishers Weekly

In this outrageous parody of a survival guide, Saturday Night Live staff writer Brooks prepares humanity for its eventual battle with zombies. One would expect the son of Mel Brooks to have a genetic predisposition to humor, and indeed, he does, and he exhibits it relentlessly here: he outlines virtually every possible zombie-human encounter, drafts detailed plans for defense and attack and outlines past recorded attacks dating from 60,000 B.C. to 2002. In planning for that catastrophic day when "the dead rise," Brooks urges readers to get to know themselves, their bodies, their weaponry, their surroundings and, just in case, their escape routes. Some of the book's more amusing aspects are the laughable analyses Brooks proposes on all aspects of zombiehood, and the specificity with which he enumerates the necessary actions for survival-i.e., a member of an anti-zombie team must be sure to have with him at all times two emergency flares, a signaling mirror, daily rations, a personal mess kit and two pairs of socks. Comic, though unnecessarily exhaustive, this is a good bet for Halloween gag gifts and fans of Bored of the Rings-esque humor. 100 line drawings.

Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Book Description

The Zombie Survival Guide is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now. Fully illustrated and exhaustively comprehensive, this book covers everything you need to know, including how to understand zombie physiology and behavior, the most effective defense tactics and weaponry, ways to outfit your home for a long siege, and how to survive and adapt in any territory or terrain.

Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack

1. Organize before they rise!

2. They feel no fear, why should you?

3. Use your head: cut off theirs.

4. Blades don’t need reloading.

5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.

6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.

7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.

8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!

9. No place is safe, only safer.

10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

Don’t be carefree and foolish with your most precious asset—life. This book is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now without your even knowing it. The Zombie Survival Guide offers complete protection through trusted, proven tips for safeguarding yourself and your loved ones against the living dead. It is a book that can save your life.