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Salka

Hairy Faces

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What a lot of hairy-faced men there are around nowadays.

When a man grows hair all over his face it is impossible to tell what he really looks like.

Perhaps that’s why he does it. He’d rather you didn’t know.

Then there’s the problem of washing.

When the very hairy ones wash their faces, it must be as big a job as when you or I was the hair on our heads.

So what I want to know is this. How often do all these hairy-faced men wash their faces? Is it only once a week, like us, on Sunday nights? And do they shampoo it? Do they use a hairdryer? Do they rub hair-tonic in to stop their faces from going bald? Do they go to a barber to have their hairy faces cut and trimmed or do they do it themselves, in front of the bathroom mirror with nail-scissors?

I don’t know. But next time you see a man with a hairy face (which will probably be as soon as you step out on to the street) maybe you will look at him more closely and start wondering about some of these things.

As you know, an ordinary unhairy face like yours or mine simply gets a bit smudgy if it is not washed often enough, and there’s nothing so awful about that.

But a hairy face is a very different matter. Things CLING to hairs, especially food. Things like gravy go right in among the hairs and stay there. You and I can wipe our smooth faces with a fannel and we quickly look more or less all right again, but the hairy man cannot do that.

We can also, if we are careful, eat our meals without spreading food all over our faces. But not so the hairy man. Watch carefully next time you see a hairy man eating his lunch. They will have hundreds of bits of old breakfasts and lunches and suppers sticking to the hairs around their faces. If you look closely, you’ll see tiny little specks of died-up scrambled eggs stuck to the hairs, and maggoty bits of cheese, and pieces of sardine. Just look closely (not that you'd ever want to).

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How hairy are you talking?

Beard trimming scissors such as this fine pair would most probably be used or you can ask the barber to give it a trim.

I'd also imagine that these people wash both their face and beard everyday.

Do you really only wash your hair once a week?

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Uh, I don't know, I just wash my face the same way I did when I was clean-shaven. I wouldn't consider it any extra effort.

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Man, I'm not being serious. I didn't even write that. It's Roald Dahl.

I just thought it was hilarious the way it makes little kids look at men with beards. Apparently, Roald Dahl kept an old school copybook with his ideas in it for up to twenty years before he actually wrote the books. The inspiration for The Twits was this one sentence he'd scribbled down in it... "Write something against beards."

When I was little, after reading The Twits, I used to stare really hard at men with beards for years afterwards, trying to see bits of sardine and mouldy cheese.

But seriously, when you think about it... how do guys with big crazy beards keep them clean? They would actually have to shampoo them. That's crazy. Imagine shampoo'ing your chin.

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Apparently, Roald Dahl kept an old school copybook with his ideas in it for up to twenty years before he actually wrote the books.

Whoa, that rules a lot.

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man, he signed my copy of Matilda and his fingers were amazing, bony and long and i don't remember his face cause i was staring at his hands.

pity the movies didnt do him any favours.

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Matilda was the most awesome book ever. I remember poring over a red hardback version of it and not looking up until I'd finished.

I like the movie. I watch it a lot. The kid in it is a pretty good actress too, and Danny DeVito is awesome.

The problem with school copybooks these days, is that they tend to be filled with information, therefore making them less awesome to keep and read over for the next twenty years.

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Dammit, I was going to post this cartoon by Peter van Straaten, but I can't find it anywhere. It was something like this:

straaten.jpg

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I would have replied saying something around the lines of, "I have a hairy face, but just so you know, I'm very clean about it and I shower (hence wash) one and a half times a day on average," but now it doesn't seem so appropriate.

Oh well, I said it anyway. :eyebrow:

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Girlfriend picks shit out of it for me though.
I can totally refrain from commenting on this...

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If only I could get a hairy face... ;( I'll have to wait some more, unfortunately. I pine to harvest some classic facial growth.

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Well, I have a beard, but it isn't that long. The longest it's ever been is an inch or so. I do wash it every day, but I'm not sure what the big-bearders do. I do know that you can get beard combs, so I imagine that these must deal with most of the facial detritus.

It's a lot of work to maintain a fine beard such as my own. However it is also a lot of work to shave a man's face. The topography is totally different to, say, a leg, and the hairs are thicker and stronger which means they can catch on any non-razor sharp edge and rip out along with much blood. Not to mention shaving rash.

My throat is quite hairy, which I hate, so I have the worst of both worlds :P

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