Salka Posted December 28, 2004 Just before Christmas, I decided to move out and get my own apartment in town. My Mom has no problem with this, because it's simply to be closer to work and school, but my father does. He thought it would be an excellent idea, if I wanted to leave home, to move in with him. At first, he called up my Mom and told her that I couldn't leave home until I was over 18. "She is over 18," my Mom replied smoothly. There was this stunned silence, and he said, "Oh," and hung up. Then, he called up again a few days later with another reason. "I was watching this show on Sky 1," he began. Sky 1 is the UK version of Fox, I guess. He continued, "and it was about these Teenage Girls that used sex as a replacement for the father figure they never had. I don't think you should let her move out." That sort of worried me. Not because he was watching cheap late night porn on sleazy channels, but because I wasn't previously aware that it was normal for teenage girls to have a sexual relationship with their father. How does sex fill in for a father figure? And then it got me thinking, because my psychologist told me last week that the reason I look up to Tim Schafer so much isn't because he's an awesome game designer, but because I look at him like a Father. Does this mean I want to have sex with Tim Schafer? I'm not sure. I mean, when you think about it, it all makes sense. Just like a real father, he makes fun of me, lives elsewhere, has a three letter christian name and sends the occasional card. I wrote all my feelings to my Psychologist in a long and emotional letter, asking her if this made Ron Gilbert and Dave Grossman my uncles, and also expressed my concerns over the prospect of having intimate relations with a fatherly figure such as Tim. She sent back a number to contact an anonymous helpline and cancelled any further bookings with me. That really depressed me, and now I'm not sure if I want to be his daughter, marry him, or kill him, especially since I've just been playing San Andreas. Or maybe I could do all three, and have some sort of sexy incestuous murder scene like from some crap TV movie that they play so late at night that it's the next day already. I'd ask my Psychologist, but she dumped me. Which is crap because now I don't know what to say to Tim when I turn up on his doorstep next weekend. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrHoatzin Posted December 28, 2004 I too want to have sex with Tim even though I have a perfectly functional father at home... erm... what I meant to say is, it is perfectly normal to want to have intimate fuck relations with Tim Schafer, my dear Electra. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salka Posted December 28, 2004 Could you remove the word 'fuck' from that post and replace it with 'have intimate relations with'? And what's an Electra? EDIT: Oh. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wormsie Posted December 29, 2004 The reason why I'm laughing at this madly is probably because it's 2:06 at night here. Or maybe it's actually funny... An electra. Of course, nobody asked ME anything. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salka Posted December 29, 2004 Alright, this is pretty thread-off-topicky, but nonetheless, what about this for the coolest EVER idea for GTA: The Next One? Namely, the THEFT AND SUBSEQUENT JOYRIDING OF... WHEELCHAIRS!!! Yeah! I know! Imagine it now; set in San Francisco, and you can steal trams and stuff, and rollerskates and skateboards too. And if you want, you can even drive your stolen vehical/wheelchair to the Double Fine District and wait outside their headquarters. And you can even roam around U.C. Berkeley with a gun, or take a boat across to Alcatraz, and shoot The Bush Man in the face. Take a wrong turn and you'll end up in Little Mexico! Then let's see you try to get away on a fucking wheelchair. And if you hang around the right parts of town, you can pickpocket from the tourists, or mug them, or plain good old shoot-them-in-the-bollocks-and-steal-their-things! The Meth Man is the biggest drug dealer in town; take a shower and head down to his place on a stolen pram. Or stroller. Buggy? Whatever you call those things in America. Random: My mother was worried about my brother playing San Andreas, and asked if he'd found any hookers yet. He replied, "No, still looking." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Intrepid Homoludens Posted December 29, 2004 So, um, Rusalka, how is that journal style memoir you're writing which, when published, will make you millions of dollars and make your prick boss who forced you to work on Christmas resent you for the rest of his mediocre, unfamous life? You gonna keep wasting your talent on these forums? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrHoatzin Posted December 29, 2004 You gonna keep wasting your talent on these forums?... like everyone else here? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salka Posted December 29, 2004 Talent on Idle Forums is not wasted; it is shared. Anyway, back to my Journal Style Memoir, Day 1Dave still has a girlfriend. Day 2 Dave still has a girlfriend. Day 3 Direction of Gulf Stream changed; cold weather imminent. Day 4 Dave still has a girlfriend. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Metalmickey Posted December 29, 2004 "and it was about these Teenage Girls that used sex as a replacement for the father figure they never had. I don't think you should let her move out."That sort of worried me. Not because he was watching cheap late night porn on sleazy channels, but because I wasn't previously aware that it was normal for teenage girls to have a sexual relationship with their father. How does sex fill in for a father figure? No, no, no. Sex is used as an easy way to bring a man into their lives. They want a man because there's a hole in their life which would normally be filled by a father. The sex is merely a means to an end, a tool, nothing to do with what they actually want. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salka Posted December 29, 2004 I don't get why everybody watches Sky 1 all the time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Intrepid Homoludens Posted December 29, 2004 They want a man because there's a hole in their life which would normally be filled by a father. I'm glad then that most girls are abnormal, otherwise incest would run rampant worldwide. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duncan Posted December 29, 2004 Are you even allowed to write a memoir at 18? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrHoatzin Posted December 29, 2004 If you plan to die before you're 21, yes. If you don't, then just call it Excerpts From Life or Me Talk Pretty One Day or The Bible. You see the pattern? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shbazjinkens Posted December 29, 2004 I'm 20 and have lived on my own for a year before, only temporarily moving back here with my father, and he's all shitfaced about me moving back out to my own apartment. Go figure. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Erwin_Br Posted December 29, 2004 My father and mother are still together. How freaking abnormal is that!? I bet it'll cause me a trauma. --Erwin Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salka Posted December 29, 2004 There's a hole in their life which would normally be filled by a father !!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wormsie Posted December 29, 2004 That's, like, stuttering. "This is a this is a this is a sexual sexual sexual reference reference reference!!!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nick Posted December 29, 2004 At first, he called up my Mom and told her that I couldn't leave home until I was over 18. "She is over 18," my Mom replied smoothly. There was this stunned silence, and he said, "Oh," and hung up. Hahaha! Sux0r Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DanJW Posted December 29, 2004 !!! Not that kind of hole! Edd meant "an absence", if thats an cleaner. And he's right, I have observed it as I cringed though various relationships. Don't feel bad though, at least girls don't have to worry about the goddamn Oedipus complex Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Metalmickey Posted December 29, 2004 Hmmm, perhaps 'void' or 'vacuum' would have been more fitting words (you goddamned perverts ). I would be impressed if you could use them as sexual references... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Twilo Posted December 29, 2004 Most people use sex as a replacement for masturbation. Just saying. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wormsie Posted December 29, 2004 Hmmm, perhaps 'void' or 'vacuum' would have been more fitting words (you goddamned perverts ). I would be impressed if you could use them as sexual references...Vacuum pump. Actually, I don't know exactly and don't even want to know. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nick Posted December 29, 2004 Hmmm, perhaps 'void' or 'vacuum' would have been more fitting words (you goddamned perverts ). I would be impressed if you could use them as sexual references... Well, that all depends on her... diameter. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DanJW Posted December 29, 2004 Well, that all depends on her... diameter. That insinuation was made all the worse for having your current avatar next too it. Get rid of it! Oh, hang on, that might actually be you in drag. Sorry Nick. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Intrepid Homoludens Posted December 29, 2004 Most people use sex as a replacement for masturbation. Really? So I was doing the wrong thing all along? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites