Jump to content
Salka

Man, what am I, an illegal Chinese immigrant?

Recommended Posts

My boss has decreed that I shall be working over Christmas. Every day, that is, except Christmas Day itself. Since my Family shall be in Dublin, and there is no Public Transport and I can't drive, this effectively means I will be spending Christmas Day alone, in an empty house.

Not only that, I will be working Christmas Eve, and all the days after Christmas up through to New Years Eve and New Years Day, which I will be working.

I told my Manager that I've gone to Dublin every year to see my family. Man, I even said that my Grandmother might not even last another Christmas, and that's not even a lie. I've shown him the timetables of buses and trains to prove I couldn't possibly get there and back, to which he suggested I don't try, because otherwise I'll miss work. I suggested that I might accidentally break my legs and be unable to work on Stephens Day, which would at least give me a day in Dublin, but he said, in a rare moment of wit, "You'd better make sure they're really broken then, or I'll break them for you."

The only person that offered to work Stephens Day for me instead is actually working that day anyway. Man, and he had my hopes up for like, a whole five minutes.

Speaking of that guy, I thought that at least, since I was working on New Years Eve, I'd be able to wear Mistletoe and follow him around creepily, like a stalker, until about MIDNIGHT. Then, somebody told me I was getting confused and mixing up Christmas Eve and New Years Eve. Not a problem, I thought, I'll just wear the Mistletoe Hat on Christmas Eve, and come midnight, missing the last Christmas with my Grandmother I will ever have will be worth it! And then I realized, duh! The store closes at 9pm.

I went into work after school and, after attempting to reason with my boss using logic, illogic and guilt-tripping, I pretended to cry. Since I haven't cried in about ten years, except for the time I cartwheeled in the lounge and hit my middle toe on the wall (and they were tears of excrutiating agony), it was quite difficult, and ended up being not very convincing. Then I said, "Don't make me choose between my Family and my Job!" and he said, "I'll do it for you if you don't shut up right about, like.... NOW."

Finally, I worked up the courage to ask James to swap hours with me, as he's the only person left that wasn't working Stephens Day. James has asked me out on more occasions than I care to keep track of, and each time I've refused nicely and been embarrassed for us both. Because he has no shame to call his own. But now I had been reduced to... and I quote my Boss here, who knew full well the extent of my humiliation... "grovelling at James' feet". And when I asked, I could feel his stupid damn eyes drilling into the top of my head like a woodpecker as I concentrated on my feet.

"I don't know. I might have plans, with my GIRLFRIEND, for that day," he said pointedly. "You know, I wouldn't want to put work before my family and friends. And my GIRLFRIEND. If you know where I'm coming from here, my GIRLFRIEND--"

"Yeah, I get it." I said sourly, and turned to walk away.

"BUTIFYOUgivemeyour number, I'll call you tonight and let you know when I find out," he blurted.

Of course, he never called. I know he doesn't even really have a girlfriend. And even if he does, I still know he's not going to swap hours. So that's my Christmas. Alone in an empty house on the days I'm not working, selling PCs to people that were too scabby to buy them before Christmas, and getting told off for not selling the Insurance Plan with laptops. And all the while, wearing a Mistletoe Hat. And it doesn't even SNOW on Christmas in Ireland. It just rains. It rains, and it rains, and it rains.

Where are you guys going to be spending Christmas?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You'll be at work alone? Time to bust out the loud annoying music that nobody but you wants to listen to, and also time to get fired. Actually get fired now, that will solve most of your Christmas troubles.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You'll be at work alone? Time to bust out the loud annoying music that nobody but you wants to listen to, and also time to get fired. Actually get fired now, that will solve most of your Christmas troubles.

No no no, I'll be alone AT HOME. Not work. But I don't care about the people at work! Oh, except that one guy. But I've already established that the store closes at 9pm, so what use is Mistletoe then??! Fat lot of good that does me!

And then they wonder why so many people kill themselves around Christmas.

...

I say screw that job

No no no. I'm not being serious. I mean, I am. That's all true. But I don't actually care as much as I'm making out that I do. It's not like I'm REALLY gonna go break my own legs so I don't have to work on Stephens Day. I mean, I might inadvertantly break my legs. Not that I plan to, but you never know what kind of stuff might happen to you. But I'm not ACTIVELY SEEKING to break my legs, if you catch my drift.

I was kind of hoping you'd all laugh at my suffering instead of sympathise, because now I am wallowing in self pity. You guys suck. Thanks a fucking BUNCH.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, my GIRLFRIEND decided to schedule an appointment to get her wisdom teeth out just after Christmas. So while you're breaking your legs, I'll be wiping up 2 pints of bloody drool.

:gaming:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Let her wipe her own drool up!!! Man, how lazy IS she?!

Random Piece of Useless Information: the word 'Brainstorming' is now considered politically incorrect, and has been replaced by the word 'Idea Showering' in all Dixons Stores. Actually not joking. 'Brainstorming' is inconsiderate of those people suffering from Epilepsy, apparently. Every time one of the staff says 'brainstorming', we all laugh and mimick epileptic people and say "Eek! I'm brainstorming! Eek!" and overall act like a bunch of morons.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, I love the opinionated in a way that is different from me elite that come up with this crap. Some Americans get uptight when someone says "Founding Fathers" (in reference to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and all the rest of those poor dead guys who are now spinning ceaselessly in their craves). Why? Because those idiots think its "sexist". Sorry idiots, last time I checked, all the "Founding Fathers" were men. Not to say that only men can establish new empires or anything... but really... sexist. :deranged:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Every time one of the staff says 'brainstorming', we all laugh and mimick epileptic people and say "Eek! I'm brainstorming! Eek!" and overall act like a bunch of morons.

Love it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Every time one of the staff says 'brainstorming', we all laugh and mimick epileptic people and say "Eek! I'm brainstorming! Eek!" and overall act like a bunch of morons.

I know you say 'we', but I can't help imagining if you'd just said 'I' :deranged:

I may well be working from the 29th till the 31st December since I haven't booked my remaining holiday yet and it's getting a bit late. For Christmas though, it's my family's turn to go visit my Aunt & Uncle's house. Does mistletoe really only apply exactly at midnight? I always thought it was just a general thing for the whole day of Christmas and New Year, er. Oh well, can't remember the last time I saw some actual mistletoe.

Also, don't break legs. They take a long time to mend. I broke my left leg when I was 5 and was on my back with my cast leg in traction for 6 weeks, which went over more than the entire Christmass holiday that year :\ When the cast came off, I needed a mini-zimmerframe for a few days as my legs had turned to strawberry flavoured jelly. Also, I think I'm ill :owned:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Start a fight with him at a nuclear power plant and then when he says "OMG YOU WILL STICK WORK OVER CHRISTMAS" you then say "Not in this one horse town!" and swing on a rope and kick him into a vat of radioactive ooze.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
No no no. I'm not being serious. I mean, I am. That's all true. But I don't actually care as much as I'm making out that I do. It's not like I'm REALLY gonna go break my own legs so I don't have to work on Stephens Day. I mean, I might inadvertantly break my legs. Not that I plan to, but you never know what kind of stuff might happen to you. But I'm not ACTIVELY SEEKING to break my legs, if you catch my drift.

Yeah, okay... But still! How can anyone look at your cute, sad eyes ( :innocent: ) and refuse to let you spend the Holidays with your family. What's this guys name? Satan? :bomb:

I was kind of hoping you'd all laugh at my suffering instead of sympathise, because now I am wallowing in self pity. You guys suck. Thanks a fucking BUNCH.

Aw, I'm so sorry I made you wallow in self pity... I sympa... Crap! Now I did it again!

--Erwin

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah, okay... But still! How can anyone look at your cute, sad eyes ( :innocent: ) and refuse to let you spend the Holidays with your family. What's this guys name? Satan? :bomb:

Patrick. And what do you want from me?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Random Piece of Useless Information: the word 'Brainstorming' is now considered politically incorrect, and has been replaced by the word 'Idea Showering' in all Dixons Stores. Actually not joking. 'Brainstorming' is inconsiderate of those people suffering from Epilepsy, apparently. Every time one of the staff says 'brainstorming', we all laugh and mimick epileptic people and say "Eek! I'm brainstorming! Eek!" and overall act like a bunch of morons.

:hmph: Wot the fuck is this? The fucking 90s????!!! I thought PC went out of fashion yaaaahrs ago?!!

*ahem*

Hey, Rusalka, I seriously hope you're saving all these awesome long ranting yet poignant posts of yours because, aside from the fact that I feel for you, they are incredibly fun to read. You need to check out some stuff from David Sedaris to see where I'm coming from. George Herbert once said "Living well is the best revenge," so get your memoirs published, make a shitload of money and be famous, then publicly humiliate your boss some time later by mentioning in interviews that you wouldn't be where you are as a fabulous writer and celebrity if it hadn't been for the fact that he was the finest cvnt in the world. :innocent:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:hmph: Wot the fuck is this? The fucking 90s????!!! I thought PC went out of fashion yaaaahrs ago?!!

*ahem*

Hey, Rusalka, I seriously hope you're saving all these awesome long ranting yet poignant posts of yours because, aside from the fact that I feel for you, they are incredibly fun to read. You need to check out some stuff from David Sedaris to see where I'm coming from. George Herbert once said "Living well is the best revenge," so get your memoirs published, make a shitload of money and be famous, then publicly humiliate your boss some time later by mentioning in interviews that you wouldn't be where you are as a fabulous writer and celebrity if it hadn't been for the fact that he was the finest cvnt in the world. :innocent:

I keep telling her the same, but does she listen?

Nooooooo!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I will most likely be falling asleep on my keyboard due to sleep deprivation (coursework). I did that once before actually, although I rolled onto my bed or something and woke up at 7 am with my clothes on. That wasn't christmas though.

Incidentally, have you seen The Incredibles?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Being Jewish, I will be spending Christmas doing absolutely nothing. Actually, my sister and I like to go to the movies on Christmas (we've done it since we were kids), since *nobody* goes to the movies on Christmas Day. It's great...theaters in Manhattan, which are always packed, get completely empty (unless they're on the lower east side, of course).

Christmas *Eve* on the other hand, I'll be spending with my wife's stepmother's family. Her father married into one of those huge italian catholic families, and now we spend our Christmas eve every year with that whole side of the family. They're nice people (most of them, anyway), but it's all a bit too christian for my taste.

(Again, me am jew)

Yufster, it sounds like you haven't reached your cynical breaking point yet. It took me a few years to do it, but hoo boy, once I did, life got a lot more fun.

When I was in high school I worked at Mc Donald's, and later Burger King (I was hired away). At first I hated it like you wouldn't believe. Then one day, I woke up, and realized that everything about the job, from the obese kids to the dorky outfits, was absolutely hysterical. I had a blast from that day on.

Also, I think I was stoned at the time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yufester, it's up to you to decide between your job and your gran. There you go.

Also, I'm tired of staring at your ankles in your avatar. Isn't it time we got to see a bit of thigh? :innocent:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah yuf, spice things up a little!

I'll change my avatar to something more spicy & revealing if you will too :naughty:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×