You're more than welcome to...join us...

[Salka]

I'm turning into a STAUNCH BUSH SUPPORTER, and not just because the CIA have sent me threatening letters and little pouches of white powder with 'SNIFF ME, I AM JUST COCAINE' written on the label. No, in fact, it's because I have developed a new policy; if you can't beat them, join them, enjoy their perks and benefits and free stuff, and then when somebody ELSE beats them, switch back over to the other side and pretend like you were getting insider information for their side all along.

In light of this, I'd like to suggest a few changes around here.

• 
  1. I would like to see any female moderators removed from moderatorship.
  2. I would like to see more poll results being tampered with.
  3. I would like 'Democracy' to be replaced with the far cooler, typo-looking spelling, 'Democrazy'
  4. Threads must be reviewed by a moderator before being posted, to filter out unwanted political messages, unless those political messages conform to certain standards set by the Moderaters.
  5. Freedom of Speech is okay, as long as you don't say anything that could be regarded as threatening to the safety of the freedom of the Forums of Idle Thumbs, or something that may be regarded in a light that suggests you may or may not be involved with or hold links with any hacking organisations both national and international.
  6. Posting Records, including Private Messages sent to and from other forum members, must be monitored in the interest of protecting the safety of innocent users.
  7. All members must supply moderators with any passwords they have and the internet accounts they protect, and understand that a Moderator reserves the right in any situation to search those accounts for material that may be deemed a threat to the safety and freedom of users without the prior knowledge of that user, or any knowledge at all.
  8. No homosexual moderator may be allowed remove the post of a heterosexual member without the prior consent of a heterosexual moderator, as requested personally by GOD in a correspondance with Marek last week.
  9. Homosexuals may not use cookies on the website, meaning they must sign in again every time they refresh the page, as this has been a heterosexual thing for billions of years before God even created mankind and they must respect that they can not just come and put their gay all over our cookies. The last thing we need in a time of crisis is for Gay Cookies to make all of the Straight Cookies Crumble, or what have you.
  10. Any forum that displays aggressive or questionable behaviour to us, at Idle Forums, or is home to trolls or spammers, or in general endangers our freedom of speech and our safety, or endeavours to put an end to our freedom... and there are plenty of forums out there that hate to see us be free, that hate freedom and hate all that we stand for... any forum that is a threat to the safety of Idle Forumans will be removed.
  

I would also like to say that there is increasing hostility being shown over at the AG forums. We have substantial evidence that the AGers plan to hack the Idle Forums website and forums, and replace all of our very interesting and provocative and beautiful threads with 'The Secret of Monkey Island, what is?' threads. We cannot allow the AGers to quell our freedom of speech like this. As well as this, we have intercepted secret correspondence between two leading moderators over at AG, which claims they also wish to hack your email accounts and send trojan horses and porn onto your PCs, porn which cannot in fact be removed, but stays on your desktop forever. And your Moms will all see it. This is a growing threat to the safety and well-being of our forumers. In fact, I can hear one hacking through the monitor RIGHT NOW. We cannot allow the AGers to undermine our freedom and safety. We WILL not allow them to make us live in fear. We will NOT allow them to spread their hate and gay everywhere.

I propose we hack into their computers tomorrow and send them all crap porno and viruses.

UPDATE: Dear CIA, thanks for the woolly sweater! It gets really cold over here around this time of the year. Also thank you for the almond-smelling perfume. It's highly addictive.

[Roderick]

I have always hated those gay cookies. I'm joining you.

[Salka]

In this time of crisis throughout the Forums of Idle Thumbs, we need to come together, male and female, men and women, rich and poor, heterosexual and straight... we need to come together to form a single, united voice to stand strong against our enemies at AG.

It is with a heavy heart I must tell you that AG have started their hacking attacks on our forums. It is a sad day when godless people try to quell our love of freedom. But that's life. That's the way the cookie crumbles. Not the gay cookie, mind you. It's a very, very straight cookie. Gay Cookies don't even exist, anyway. If you don't believe me, just think about it because it's obvious. Also, even if they did exist it would still be a straight cookie because I'm not gay. Or am I? I don't know. No. Yes, no I'm not. Anyway, it's a straight cookie.

Since voting in this newly established Democrazy is kind of pointless, I'll skip all the formalities and now declare myself, Georgina Twat, President of the Forums of Idle Thumbs, and my good friend Prick Cunningham as your Vice President.

[OftenK]

Also, even if they did exist it would still be a straight cookie because I'm not gay. Or am I? I don't know. No. Yes, no I'm not. Anyway, it's a straight cookie.

Don't listen to her! She's a flip-flopper!

[Roderick]

I dunno, I'll trust anyone with a name like Prick Cunningham.

[ysbreker]

At the risk of ending up on our idle thumbs version of guantanamo bay prison:

Who is this 'prick cunningham'?Can we get some sort of photo of him? And who died and made you president of this democrazy?

[manny_c44]

You're the one trying to segregate the pies and the cookies, when they are obviosuly equal.

cookies are better

Anyway, without further ado, I would like to present suave Prick Cunningham to our constituency:

He's a hit with the ladies and he can sing too.

[Wormsie]

If I switch over to Internet Explorer, the cookie problem will be solved.

[Wormsie]

Those Google ads on this page rule.

[Salka]

That is because they are being controlled by me.

[Farbror]

Topics like this is why I love this place so much.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

I have always hated those gay cookies.

Hey, watch it, breeder!

[shbazjinkens]

Hey, watch it, breeder!

Haha, that's way cooler than just saying "straight," but what if I adopt?

[Marek]

Hey, watch it, breeder!

No soup adoption for you!

[shbazjinkens]

Or marriage for that matter..

If it's any consolation I'm one of the 24% of Oklahomans who voted against the bans. Damned Oklahomophobes.

[Wormsie]

Well, I want to marry you.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

If it's any consolation I'm one of the 24% of Oklahomans who voted against the bans.

(((((shbazjinkens)))))

I'd marry you, but you're not my type.

[Salka]

And also, you can't. What the hell do you take this for? A Democracy?

[Wormsie]

There's always the Netherlands.

[shbazjinkens]

and Massachusetts.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

And Vermont.

[MrHoatzin]

And Texas.

[manny_c44]

And the open seas.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

Mmm, marital life on a yacht. Romantic. :9~

[Erkki]

Or in a NautilOY.