Chris

Important If True 28: It Will Not Be Reused

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Important If True 28:

Important If True 28


It Will Not Be Reused
You probably think you're pretty smart. Well, Einstein, chew on this: If a tree falls in an empty forest in an empty universe, does it make a virtual sound? Is Colonel Sanders really a powerful sorcerer? And, if so, can he bid Chuck E. Cheese robots carry out his every whim? Open your mind, and destroy all your preconceptions. They will not be reused.

Discussed: KFC virtual reality training program, Burger King Subservient Chicken, "Keep fucking that chicken", real magic, Chuck E. Cheese Concept Unification video, Chuck E. Cheese animatronic eradication, living robots imbued with life by a malevolent stage magician, immortal Colonel Sanders, The Giant Children's Food Brand Wars of the 1970s, ketchup, catsup (ugh), your every decision being constantly questioned, your constantly-questioning AI monitor reinforcing your stupid self-absorbed worldview, the eternal questioner Colonel Sanders ruling your consciousness, the creation of a perfect universe simulation, infinite universe recursion, dying within the machine, a tree falling in an empty forest in an empty universe, the most hubristic hoisting of all, the end of Men in Black, The Matrix 2, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Send us your questions at [email protected]. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

Nick's Endorsement: "The Katering Show" YouTube series

Jake's Endorsement: Keeping the wiring in your entertainment center or computer desk clean with double-sided velcro and a cable zipper

Chris' Endorsement: Getting a decent point and shoot camera (I got a Canon G9X and like it), and learning a bit about how aperture, shutter speed, and ISO work to help take better photos and understand your camera

Jake's Extra Post-Chris Endorsement: Apps to help take better phone photos, like Halide for iOS

Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription eyeglasses and sunglasses home try-on, Tales of Miir weekly fantasy saga

 

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The question about about "unlimited magic but only in the context of a stage magic show advertised as such" got me thinking about how you could do the most good with that power. I guess you'd have to focus on giving charity shows to folks with terminal illnesses, but what happens when someone notices the sick are healed after your appearances? Will this power stop working if people don't think of you only as a stage magician? Does faith healing count as a magic show? If we're going the 'terrible outcomes' route, would this lead to you having to strategically pick who gets to live so you can keep the illusion going? Could you include as part of your magic show the effect that no one will connect the dots to your appearances and the healing?

 

Unrelated, but before I knew the context, the episode title read like the name of a novel by a mid-century writer about the struggles of living as a minority in America.

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I sent in a email but I don't know if I sent it in time. Something came up last week and I wanted the guys to see it.

 

A woman who became trapped between two windows on a first date - in which she threw her own faeces out of a window after it wouldn't flush, then got stuck trying to retrieve it.

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-41186915

Also note that it happened in Bristol. Thought if they don't read it I would share it with you guys.

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My answer to having infinite magic but only during a stage show would be to give myself those powers permanently during my first show, then do whatever the hell I want.

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Is anyone else not seeing this episode on their Ad-Free Feed? Does it always just take a bit more time to propagate?

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Not seeing it, and I think the delay is usually not this long. Maybe Jake forgot to press a button or something.

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Excuse me, Idle Thumbs, I would back you on Patreon at a very high level if the reward were monthly 5 minute portions of Cosmic Colonel whisperings over ambient wind chime sounds on audio cassette

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Much like the deepest lodge lore, Jake's requests for the Pissing Wizard last week have led to an entire pissing wizard discussion this week!

 

And this drawing.

 

Which, like this episode, ejected more and more madness the more I proceeded.

 

In defiance of the episode title, the wizard herein was reused.

 

 

FMwizard-reused-ift.jpg

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6 hours ago, Patrick R said:

I threw on an episode of The Katering Show out of curiosity and oh my God it is so amazing I immediately watched 4 more.

Ditto. Nick's YouTube recommendations for humorous cooking shows are really hitting the spot.

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For the record, the original word was "ke-tsiap" from the Amoy dialect of Chinese, probably borrowed by Dutch traders via the Malay "kechap" in the late 1600s. Both "catsup" and "catchup" predate "ketchup" by at least twenty years ("ketchup" probably being a more deliberate rendering of the Dutch version "ketjap"). Jake's correct that Heinz's marketing strategy was what was responsible for exalting "ketchup" to the denigration of "catsup": Heinz originally sold their product as "catsup" but changed the name in the sixties to the rarer form "ketchup" as part of an attempt to distinguish their product as higher quality and more unique. It worked incredibly well and, within the space of a generation, Heinz's competitors at Hunts and Del Monte had changed the spelling of their products to "ketchup" too, leaving "catsup" to languish as a word used by oldsters and rubes who don't know what real ketchup is all about. There's probably an ad exec up in heaven (or down in the other place) clapping in delight at Chris' instinctive disgust for and dismissal of the very existence of "catsup" — Heinz's branding has worked perfectly!

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Thanks to Important If True, I now understand that this Mr. Burns joke is intrinsically linked to him being an old man:

 

E9Hgfo3.gif

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When I was a kid, I swear that Trader Joes made a thing they called "ketchy," and I once asked my parents why it was called this and not "ketchup," when it was actually just ketchup. I think that my parents told me that the word "ketchup" was reserved for a tomato based condiment that contains sugar, and other companies weren't allowed to call their condiments that if there wasn't added sugar. I thought this for most of my childhood (even into adulthood), although it is definitely not true. 

 

EDIT: wait, I found this website here, which at least echoes my insanity from above. Could this be true? Does ketchup have to have added sugar? 

 

EDIT 2: Perhaps this was just Trader Joes advertising? Here is a newspaper ad from 1980 which says: 

Quote

 Low Sugar Ketchup

We've developed a Ketchup made without sugar! The only sweetness present in our Ketchy is the sugar naturally present in the tomatoes. By contrast, standard Ketchup has about 30 sugar. Our everyday low price is only 99c for a bottle of 19.5 oz.

 

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29 minutes ago, RubixsQube said:

When I was a kid, I swear that Trader Joes made a thing they called "ketchy," and I once asked my parents why it was called this and not "ketchup," when it was actually just ketchup. I think that my parents told me that the word "ketchup" was reserved for a tomato based condiment that contains sugar, and other companies weren't allowed to call their condiments that if there wasn't added sugar. I thought this for most of my childhood (even into adulthood), although it is definitely not true. 

 

EDIT: wait, I found this website here, which at least echoes my insanity from above. Could this be true? Does ketchup have to have added sugar? 

 

EDIT 2: Perhaps this was just Trader Joes advertising? Here is a newspaper ad from 1980 which says: 

 

 

The claim that ketchup "has to" contain sugar by federal law strikes me as extraordinarily unlikely. That sounds like a classic piece of folk wisdom that sounds like it might be true but has no basis in actual law. I just looked up ketchup on the FDA website:

https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/cdrh/cfdocs/cfcfr/CFRSearch.cfm?fr=155.194

 

The only single required ingredient is tomato (optionally including lemon juice for pH adjustment). Beyond that, it can include any combination of vinegars, sweeteners, and spices.

 

"Ketchup legally has to contain sugar" sounds to me like the similar piece of folk wisdom that "Kentucky Fried Chicken was required to change its name to KFC because the meat they sell cannot be legally referred to as 'chicken.'" It's patently absurd because the word "chicken" is plastered absolutely all over their menu and marketing.

 

EDIT: lol I wasn't even thinking about the fact that I'm posting in a thread of an episode whose artwork has the face of KFC's founder on it

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4 hours ago, Chris said:

"Kentucky Fried Chicken was required to change its name to KFC because the meat they sell cannot be legally referred to as 'chicken.'

I remember reading that they actually changed it because they thought people had an aversion to a fried food restaurant. 

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5 hours ago, Chris said:

The claim that ketchup "has to" contain sugar by federal law strikes me as extraordinarily unlikely. That sounds like a classic piece of folk wisdom that sounds like it might be true but has no basis in actual law.

 

I definitely agree. What I think is more likely is that, growing up, Trader Joe’s pushed this made up fact (perhaps in its Fearless Flyer monthly ad magazine) as a way to promote their no-sugar ketchup, and this was then told to me (and whoever wrote that website I linked to). 

 

Edit: I just texted my parents, asking if they remembered this ketchy thing, and my dad very confidently stated this ketchup has to contain a certain amount of sugar, otherwise it’s catsup, (a fact which is not shown to be true anywhere on the internet). His response was that this is a “pre-internet thing” and something must have changed since he learned this when he was younger. So now I know the source of my own wacky misconception. 

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13 hours ago, RubixsQube said:

 

We've developed a Ketchup made without sugar! The only sweetness present in our Ketchy is the sugar naturally present in the tomatoes. By contrast, standard Ketchup has about 30 sugar. Our everyday low price is only 99c for a bottle of 19.5 oz.

 

30 sugar!

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8 hours ago, RubixsQube said:

Edit: I just texted my parents, asking if they remembered this ketchy thing, and my dad very confidently stated this ketchup has to contain a certain amount of sugar, otherwise it’s catsup, (a fact which is not shown to be true anywhere on the internet). His response was that this is a “pre-internet thing” and something must have changed since he learned this when he was younger. So now I know the source of my own wacky misconception. 

 

Sounds like your dad grew up internalizing Heinz marketing about the "difference" between ketchup and catsup!

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