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This looks gross (and probably IS gross, I've never had salad cream) but: mayonnaise on pizza is not as awful as it sounds. It's a common ingredient on delivery pizza in Japan.

 

(Japanese mayo is a bit different though; I wouldn't put Hellman's on a pizza)

 

(also it's added before cooking, not after)

 

No I'm sorry, it is. It is very, very gross.

 

I'm sorry.

 

I'm the most sorry.

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no, i'm sorry, but i'm actually more sorry

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I like salad cream with pizza. Not lovely fresh pizza but shitty frozen cheap ones. It's weird but good.

Don't even know what salad cream is tangy liquid fat.

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I mean, I used to put ranch dressing on frozen pizza, which is horrendous

 

But googling "salad cream" was enough to make me physically convulse a touch

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I think salad cream's nearest US analogue is miracle whip (which I prefer to mayonnaise on sandwiches, to my wife's utter revulsion).

 

If you want to try Japanese mayonnaise, Kewpie mayo can be found in most asian grocery stores, it's made with like rice vinegar and it's usually what you get on top of some kinds of sushi.  Also it's the most viscerally unpleasant condiment packaging to use, owing to the very soft plastic bottle that it comes in.

 

kewpie.jpg

 

I would not put kewpie mayo on pizza because that is food crime for food criminals who belong in food jail (food gaol in the uk).

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Can we just get to the key point of this discussion:

 

Why the fuck are you putting anything on your pizza? It's already perfect.

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A local pizza place was serving pizza with tater tots on it, I suppose it might make sense to put ketchup on that, or at least would not be more insane than putting tater tots on a pizza already is.

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It's a bit like miracle whip for those familiar with that, but with a mustardy element.

Edit: didn't notice the new page, that was referring to salad cream

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Can we just get to the key point of this discussion:

 

Why the fuck are you putting anything on your pizza? It's already perfect.

 

What, just plain pizza dough?

 

Or are we making a hard distinction between toppings added pre-oven and post-oven?

 

J mayo (I always thought Kewpie was made with apple cider vinegar not rice vinegar?) is definitely a pre-oven topping.

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I'm prepared to be mistaken regarding kewpie mayo!

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What, just plain pizza dough?

 

Or are we making a hard distinction between toppings added pre-oven and post-oven?

 

J mayo (I always thought Kewpie was made with apple cider vinegar not rice vinegar?) is definitely a pre-oven topping.

 

Post-oven is unnecessary junk. 

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I got no qualms sprinkling a bit of parm or dried pepper flakes on my pizza post-oven.

 

It's not necessary but it's still nice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But this thread has become a hive for villainy and filth and I regret making it.

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If you're sprinkling shit on your pizza post-oven, you had a shit pizza chef. They should have done that pre-oven.

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If you're sprinkling shit on your pizza post-oven, you had a shit pizza chef. They should have done that pre-oven.

 

I'ma call you on that. Seasoning is to one's taste. If things need more salt or pepper at the table that's the diner's prerogative.

 

There's just the difference between adding or enhancing flavor and covering flavor (ketchup, ranch, salad cream (whatever the fuck it is)).

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The post-oven animosity seems completely arbitrary to me. Fresh basil on a margarita pizza seems like an example with enough traditionalist clout that it would be hard to argue with.

 

I think ketchup is gross in all contexts so for that reason alone I'm against ketchup on pizza. But there's no reason not to think of pizza as a medium for experimentation, like a sandwich, in which no ingredient is inherently sacrilegious. 

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There's just the difference between adding or enhancing flavor and covering flavor (ketchup, ranch, salad cream (whatever the fuck it is)).

 

Ok. I can agree with that.

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For a while, Pizza Hut in the UK did a thing where they would just squirt a long spiral of sriracha on top of your pizza after it came out of the oven. This seemed like a terrible idea - even to me, a man long wedded to a little plate-side puddle of sriracha for the dipping of crusts. 

 

Chilli oil, on the other hand, I will gladly pour everywhere on a pizza. It's been the saviour of many mediocre pizzas in my time. Though in terms of calories, it's probably much worse for you than ketchup...

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For a while, Pizza Hut in the UK did a thing where they would just squirt a long spiral of sriracha on top of your pizza after it came out of the oven. This seemed like a terrible idea - even to me, a man long wedded to a little plate-side puddle of sriracha for the dipping of crusts.

 

 

Pizza Hut here does that now.  You can order one of several "drizzles" to put on your pizza including honey sriracha.

vee8c8jo5qjv02bazlug.jpg

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Related to my earlier post about Korea. Paris Baguette (and other Korean bakeries) had a ton of these room temperature hot dog pastries that would have ketchup and mustard on them. Some would have been out for hours.

paris18.jpg

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